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The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that as Malaysian prime minister, Mahathir Mohamad called the outcomes of the 1992 Earth Summit "eco-imperialism"?
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Ah... Mahathir Mohamed. Certainly a controversial person who likes to piss off Singaporeans from time to time especially over the water price. So, let me do the honours by doing a GA review of this page. Given the length of this article, the review will take some time.--ZKang123 (talk) 04:43, 4 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
I also almost forgot to do this, but I ran the article through Earwig. There are certain direct lifting of quotes of what he had said, especially on LGBT, and his criticism of OIC and Israel. But I further encourage rephrasing some of the quotes instead of entirely lifting.
The lead is very comprehensive delving into his long life of politics. Though I felt some sentences are a little wordy and the lead could be shortened.
For example, for the third paragraph:
"During Mahathir's first tenure as prime minister, Malaysia experienced a period of modernization and economic growth" -> "During Mahathir's first tenure, Malaysia underwent modernization and economic growth."
"fending off a series of rivals" -> "fending off several rivals"
"In 1987, he used the controversial Internal Security Act (ISA) to detain activists, religious figures, and political opponents in Operation Lalang to tighten his grip on power, and later his own Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim, whom he fired in 1998." -> "In 1987, he detained various activists and religious figures under Operation Lalang, and had his deputy Anwar Ibrahim arrested."
"Mahathir's record of authoritarianism and curtailing civil liberties in Malaysia as well as his antagonism towards Western interests and economic policies made his relationships with the West difficult." -> "His record of authoritarianism and curtailment of civil liberties strained relationships with the West."
Other nitpicks:
"He became Deputy Prime Minister in 1976. In 1981, he was sworn in as prime minister following the resignation of Hussein Onn." -> "He became Deputy Prime Minister in 1976 before being sworn in as prime minister in 1981." Not sure if Hussein Onn's resignation is necessary to add. Otherwise, you can add "succeeding Hussein Onn"
"At the age of 97, Mahathir attempted to defend his parliamentary seat for Langkawi at the 2022 general election without success, ultimately losing his election deposit." -> "Mahathir lost his parliamentary seat for Langkawi at the 2022 general election." I don't think mentioning he lost his election deposit is relevant in the lead.
The lead is still way too long. Typically per WP:LEAD it should be four paragraphs or less. The last two paragraphs, which touches on Mahathir's later political career, could be further summarised. Maybe it could be summarised as:
Mahathir unexpectedly stepped down in 2003 but remained active in politics and criticising his successors. He eventually quit UMNO over the 1MDB corruption scandal in 2016, joining BERSATU and leading the Pakatan Harapan opposition to victory in the 2018 general election. During his second tenure, he pledged to investigate the 1MDB scandal, combat corruption, and cut spending on large infrastructure projects. He also promised to seek a pardon for Anwar Ibrahim but delayed handing over the premiership to him. Mahathir resigned in 2020 amidst a political crisis. He left BERSATU in protest of its new coalition with UMNO and established the Homeland Fighters Party and coalition Gerakan Tanah Air. In the 2022 general election, Mahathir lost his parliamentary seat for Langkawi.
"Another aspect of Mahathir's birth set him apart from the other first six prime ministers: he was not born into the aristocracy or a prominent religious or political family." -> "Unlike the other prime ministers that preceded or succeeded him, he was not born into the aristocracy or a prominent religious or political family.
I might suggest that Mahathir's family background could be a separate section under "Ancestry". This section is a little too short to split.
Are there more details on his childhood?
After graduating with an MBBS medical degree in Gynecology and Obstetrics in 1953, Mahathir worked as a physician in government service. - this paragraph is uncited. Please find a relevant citation or remove.
"to set up his own practice." -> "to establish his practice".
I was initially confused with Ref 13. The preceding statement stated he's an alumnus of University of Malaya, and I was wondering why the National University of Singapore also awarding him an "honorary degree" until I checked the source. Suggest finding another source on him being an alumnus of University of Malaya and shift the passages accordingly.
I think there can be more on his education history. More clarity would be needed on the degrees he received and also his medical practice.
Ok looks good. Though I might combine the two additional sentences of his childhood home together. Like shifting this sentence. "The family home had a single bedroom and no electricity supply." to before "His childhood home was converted to the..." Might make further mention its now gazetted as a historic building. Also I suggest rephrasing that sentence because it's too close to the source. ZKang123 (talk) 05:35, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
While the article, at first glance, seems comprehensive, I felt there's a lack of substance and depth behind providing necessary context and explanations. Especially under the section of "early political career", which I say would further benefit with explaining the political context of Malaya at the time. Some sections, especially on foreign relations, could also benefit by reorganizing the essential points, such as how ties deteriorated when Mahathir disagreed with Gore's call for freedom and democracy in Asia.
I'm puzzled that the section of his relations with neighboring Singapore is very thin and brief, given he has raised many issues, and that we have a larger section on Bosnia. I felt there's undue weight given to Bosnia over Singapore.
I suggest you could take a look at similar articles, such as Robert Mugabe (who lived nearly as long as Mahathir until 2019), Winston Churchill and perhaps Lee Kuan Yew. The last might not be a GA, but it has gone through significant rewrites to focus more on the important bits.
I might continue reviewing and see if the article can be salvaged to GA. But I do suggest reorganizing the essential points instead of just blow-by-blow accounts and lifting quotes of what he said on world affairs in general.--ZKang123 (talk) 08:31, 4 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Addendum: FN99 for Singapore; Mothership is not a reliable source. I suggest finding a more reliable source on his ties with Singapore. ZKang123 (talk) 08:40, 4 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I've tried to expand the section on Singapore and trimmed the section on Bosnia, and also found better sources for Singapore. I'll come back to the other points on political context and foreign relations. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 21:41, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Just an observation, in the section Return to politics (2015–2018), Lee Kuan Yew was mentioned a few times, sometimes using his full name, sometimes his surname. As the mention of Lee is in close proximity, there is no ambiguity on which Lee is being mentioned, so per MOS:SURNAME, we should reduce to just Lee. --Justanothersgwikieditor (talk) 03:00, 7 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Suggest further explaining (briefly) the political context of Malaysia post-WW2.
Link first mention of Tunku Abdul Rahman in the second paragraph. Subsequently, just refer to him as "Tunku" instead of his full name.
"In 1968, Mahathir had predicted the outbreak of racial hostility. " - I think this sentence needs further elaboration and context.
"Outside parliament, he openly criticised the government, sending a letter to Tunku Abdul Rahman. He criticised the prime minister for failing to uphold Malay interests. " -> Outside parliament, he openly criticised the government, also sending an open dissenting letter to Tunku for failing to uphold Malay interests and calling for his resignation."
"Mahathir had been fired from UMNO's Supreme Council " -> was fired.
"While in the political wilderness, Mahathir wrote his first book, The Malay Dilemma. He set out his vision for the Malay community." -> "Expelled from UMNO, Mahathir wrote his first book, The Malay Dilemma, in which he set out his vision for the Malay community.
The book continued Mahathir's criticism of Tunku Abdul Rahman's government, and it was promptly banned. The ban was only lifted after Mahathir became prime minister in 1981. -> As it included Mahathir's criticism of Tunku's government, it was promptly banned, which was only lifted under Mahathir's premiership.
"He had served as a minister and deputy prime minister while being the author of a banned book." -> I don't think this sentence is necessary.
"Tunku Abdul Rahman resigned in 1970 and was replaced by Tun Abdul Razak. Razak encouraged Mahathir back into the party and appointed him as a Senator in 1973." -> "Tunku resigned in 1970 and his successor, Tun Abdul Razak, encouraged Mahathir to return to UMNO and appointed him Senator (of what?) in 1973"
"The contest was considered a battle for the party's leadership succession, with Razak and his deputy, Hussein Onn, declining in health." -> "The contest was regarded as a struggle for the party's leadership succession, as the health conditions of Razak and his deputy, Hussein Onn, waned."
Also I guess it should be Abdul Razak and not just Razak in this section
When Razak died the following year, Hussein, as his successor, had to choose between the three men, alongside Ghazali Shafie (also mention his role), to be deputy prime minister.
"Razaleigh was young, inexperienced and, critically, unmarried." – would just removed "critically" unless you want to further elaborate.
"However, Hussein's decision was not easy." – I have a feeling this statement seems to borrow from the source
Hussein knew Mahathir's choice would displease Abdul Rahman, still alive and revered as the father of Malaysia's independence.
Err... wasn't Abdul Rahman already dead? I assume Abdul Razak?
However, Mahathir was not an influential deputy prime minister. – However, Mahathir did not have much influence as deputy prime minister.
Hussein was a cautious leader who rejected many of Mahathir's bold policy proposals. – What proposals?
"While Hussein and Mahathir's relationship was distant, Ghazali and Razaleigh became Hussein's closest advisers, often bypassing the more senior Mahathir when accessing Hussein."
Reword to: Hussein remained distant from Mahathir, while keeping Ghazali and Razaleigh as his close advisors, who often outmanoeuvred Mahathir to reach Hussein.
"One of his first acts was to release 21 detainees held under the Internal Security Act, including journalist Samad Ismail and a former deputy minister in Hussein's government, Abdullah Ahmad, who had been suspected of being an underground communist."
Split this sentence. "One of his first acts was to release 21 detainees held under the Internal Security Act. This included journalist Samad Ismail and Abdullah Ahmad, who was a former deputy minister in Hussein's government and suspected of being an underground communist.
"Mahathir commenced the first of a number of battles" – rather unencyclopedic in tone. Suggest "Mahathir undertook one of the first challenges he had with Malaysia's royalty..."
"Thus Mahathir" – Removed thus. Also further explain how the Perak Sultan would pose a challenge to Mahathir.
"government, introducing" – Split the sentence. "government. He introduced..."
Remove "by then"
"would be returned" – "would return"
"the bumiputera, Malaysia's Malays and indigenous peoples," – I would suggest using en dash
"Mahathir actively pursued privatisation of government enterprises from the early 1980s, both for the liberal economic reasons it was being pursued by contemporaries such as Margaret Thatcher, and because he felt that combined with affirmative action for the Bumiputera, it could provide economic opportunities for Bumiputera businesses." – suggest simplifying this sentence.
"By the end of the 1980s, Proton had overcome poor demand and losses to become, with the support of protective tariffs, the largest carmaker in Southeast Asia and a profitable enterprise."
Reword to "By the end of the 1980s, with the support of protective tariffs, Proton became a profitable enterprise and the largest carmaker in Southeast Asia.
"Malays were becoming more religious and more conservative." – delete this sentence; it's rather repetitive of the previous.
PAS, which had in the 1970s joined UMNO in government, responded to the resurgence by taking an increasingly strident Islamist stand under the leadership of Yusof Rawa, who in 1969 had defeated Mahathir for his parliamentary seat."
First off, you don't have to relink PAS (since that has been done in "Early political career")
"which had in the 1970s joined UMNO in government," – "which had joined UMNO in government in the 1970s"
You don't have to explain Yusof Rawa since that was explained in said passage
"under the government's oversight." – "under government oversight"
" attracted Anwar Ibrahim, the leader of the Malaysian Islamic Youth Movement (ABIM), to join UMNO." – "managed to draw Anwar Ibrahim, the leader of the Malaysian Islamic Youth Movement (ABIM), into the ranks of UMNO."
I might also further explain why Mahathir drew Anwar over. This sentence also seems more relevant to the previous paragraph.
MP – I would explain what is MP here, since it's first abbreviated in the body
I might rename this subsection as "Power struggles"
Any illusion that the 1986 election may have created about Mahathir's political dominance was short-lived. – I have a feeling this sentence seems to be lifted right from the encyclopedia quoted.
Checked with the encyclopedia; it's alright, but kind of still too fluffy and more of an original observation. I might just remove this sentence.
"In 1987, he was challenged for UMNO's presidency, and effectively the prime ministership, by Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah."
Reword to "In 1987, Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah, who had been demoted from Finance Minister to Trade and Industry Minister, challenged Mahathir for UMNO's presidency, and effectively the prime minister post"
Remove the subsequent sentence
"Razaleigh was supported by Musa, who had resigned as deputy prime minister the previous year. While Musa and Mahathir were originally close allies, the two had fallen out during Mahathir's premiership. Musa claimed that Mahathir no longer trusted him."
Shortened to "Razaleigh's bid was supported by Musa, who had resigned as deputy prime minister the previous year. While once close allies with Mahathir, both fell out with Musa claiming that Mahathir no longer trusted him."
"Team B and Team A, respectively." - remove comma
"However, some significant figures, such as Abdullah Badawi supported Team B." – However, other prominent figures such as Abdullah Badawi supported Team B.
"The tickets were known as Team B and Team A, respectively. " – sentence might be a little redundant since you are explaining the teams alr
"UMNO Malaysia, under Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah's leadership and support of both of Malaysia's surviving former prime ministers, Abdul Rahman and Hussein, registered the party Semangat 46 instead."
Reword to "Nevertheless, UMNO Malaysia registered the party as Semangat 46 instead under Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah's leadership and with the support of Malaysia's surviving former prime ministers, Abdul Rahman and Hussein."
"sent a letter of protest to the Agong" – what sort of letter specifically?
The NDP achieved success out one of its main aims, poverty reduction. – use endash instead of comma. Also "The NDP achieved one of its main aims"
"Much of the credit" – "Much credit"
"One of the largest was the Multimedia Super Corridor, an area south of Kuala Lumpur, in the mould of Silicon Valley, designed to cater for the information technology industry." – "One of the largest was the Multimedia Super Corridor, a new information technology district south of Kuala Lumpur modelled after Silicon Valley."
"In 1998, in a controversial approach, Mahathir reversed this policy course in defiance of the IMF and his own deputy, Anwar. He increased government spending and fixed the ringgit to the US dollar"
Reword to "In 1998, Mahathir went against the advice of IMF and Anwar and increased government spending and fixed the ringgit to the US dollar."
confounded his international critics and the IMF. Malaysia - replace full stop with en dash, since these two sentences are related
". He could now claim to have rescued the economy despite Anwar's policies" - join to previous sentence ", taking credit for the economy's recovery despite Anwar's policies."
"In his second decade in office, Mahathir had again found himself battling Malaysia's royalty." – I have a feeling this sentence seems to be lifted right from the encyclopedia quoted.
Checked against the source. It's not from the source, but it still sounds very much like original research. I might still rewrite this sentence to "In 1990, Mahathir found himself at odds with Malaysian royalty over conflicting economic interests".
From the source, it looks like there were royalty conflicts with prospective businessmen, while they were under further scrutiny thanks to Mahathir, and his government passed a resolution on the royalty activities. Which is something I will make notable mention before mentioning Gomez.
The two paragraphs then talks about Mahathir taking advantage of the incident and curtailing the powers of the Malaysian monarchy. That checks out.
By the mid-1990s, it became clear that the most serious threat to Mahathir's power was Anwar's leadership ambition. – By the mid-1990s, Anwar's leadership ambition was seen as the most serious threat to Mahathir's power (also indicate who said that)
appearing to suggest – suggesting
"until their relationship collapsed dramatically during the Asian financial" – "until the collapse of their relationship during the..."
"While Mahathir had vanquished his rival, it came at a cost to his international community and domestic politics" – Would rewrite to: "Anwar's conviction drew criticism from the international community and a loss in domestic support for the ruling coalition"
"to fight the 1999 election" – "to contest in the 1999 election"
" large numbers of Malay voters flocked to PAS and Keadilan, many in protest at the treatment of Anwar." – " large numbers of Malays voted for PAS or Keadilan in protest at the treatment of Anwar."
"debate was caused by Mahathir's announcement that Malaysia was already an Islamic state." – "debate aroused after Mahathir announced that"
I might further elaborate on this debate
"In a speech made before the Organization of the Islamic Conference shortly before he left office, Mahathir claimed "the Jews rule the world by proxy: They get others to fight and die for them."[85] His speech was denounced by President George W. Bush." – tbh, I don't see how is this very relevant in this section, but more likely under a potential subsection of Mahathir's anti-semitism and views.
"Malaysia's relationship with the West was collaborative" – "Mahathir maintained a collaborative relationship with the West"
Remove "known as"
" sparked a boycott " - led to a boycott
"It also led to a search for development models in Asia, most notably Japan. This was the beginning of his "Look East Policy"." – "It also led to a search for development models in Asia, most notably Japan, as part of his "Look East Policy"."
"Mahathir's relationship with Australia and his relationship with Australia's political leaders was particularly rocky. " - "Mahathir's relationship with Australia and its political leaders was particularly rocky."
"Relationships between Mahathir and Australia's leaders reached a low point in 1993" – just go with "Relations"
"during the George W. Bush presidency." – remove "the"
"Mahathir made a speech condemning the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, suggesting its revision, and citing greater importance of economic growth over civil liberties." – "Mahathir condemned the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and suggested revising the Declaration to place greater importance on economic growth over civil liberties."
I find the foreign relations section rather lacking. Like, there's a photograph of Mahathir with Putin, I thought you'll mention about his relationship with Putin. And his "Look east policy" - perhaps you can also elaborate his relationship with China and Japan too.
A lot more research is still needed for Mahathir's foreign policy during his first premiership. However, this is something I will leave for post-GA.--ZKang123 (talk) 09:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Indeed! I'll try and add a bit more if I can during this process, but there are at least two whole books on this topic (here and here) so getting a decent summary will be tricky. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 11:13, 20 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
"With much stronger religious credentials than Mahathir, he could beat back PAS's surge in the 1999 election and lead the Barisan Nasional in the 2004 election to its biggest win ever, taking 199 of 219 parliamentary seats." – "With stronger religious credentials than Mahathir, he beat back PAS's surge in the 1999 election and lead the Barisan Nasional in the 2004 election to its biggest win ever, taking 199 of 219 parliamentary seats."
"Mahathir and Abdullah had a major fallout over Proton in 2005. " – I might elaborate a bit more on the fallout. Is it related to Abdullah allowing the import of more foreign cars? If so, I will include that
"Mahathir complained that his views were not getting sufficient airing by the Malaysian press, the freedom of which he had curtailed while prime minister: he had been named one of the "Ten Worst Enemies of the Press" by the Committee to Protect Journalists for his restrictions on newspapers and occasional imprisonment of journalists."
Might simplify this sentence. "Mahathir complained that his views were not getting sufficient airing by the Malaysian press. Ironically, he had been named one of the "Ten Worst Enemies of the Press" by the Committee to Protect Journalists (when?) for his restrictions on newspapers and occasional imprisonment of journalists under his premiership."
I might suggest shifting the paragraphs on Mahathir's thoughts on LKY's death under his foreign relations Singapore subsection. I know it's post-premiership, but I think it's more relevant there as he also reflects on his personal friendship with LKY, despite their rivalry
"He was proposed as the coalition's possible chairman and prime ministerial candidate. He assumed the position of chairman on 14 July 2017."
First state who endorsed him (substitute proposed to endorsed)
Also will add about Anwar's faction being wary of Mahathir's entry in politics, as mentioned in FN144.
FN6: Website name should be "New Straits Times". Title should just be: "Tun M, Father of Modern Malaysia"
FN10 is dead. (mark url-status dead) Publisher should be Tourism Malaysia, title remove | Tourism Malaysia
Add retrieved date (today) for FN 11
FN 12: Title should be The Spokesman – Mahathir Mohamad
FN16 is dead
FN88 The Star should be under work/website parameter. Use agency parameter (if using cite news template) for Associated Press
FN91 reformat per cite book
FN112, 127 New Straits Times. (without The)
FN115 add retrieved date (today)
FN129 isn't necessary (given attached speech in FN130)
FN131 URL status is dead. Add SG Yahoo in website parameter
FN132 website parameter should be Malay Mail. Remove it from title. Add article date
FN133 switch from publisher to work/website parameter for Channel NewsAsia. Add article date
FN134 also for Straits Times. The Straits Times.
FN136 Add Business Times as work/website (work if cite news, website if cite web)
FN137 remove Chedet and arrow from title
FN138 add South China Morning Post as website name
FN140, 144 add article date
FN141 add The Straits Times, article date
FN142 remove "FMT News"
FN145 article title is just "Anwar credits Wan Azizah, Siti Hasmah for reconciliation with Mahathir". Add article date (17 May 2018), The Straits Times as work/website
FN146 The Star change to website/work. Add article date. Similar for FN147, 148, 153, 154, 155
FN157, 160 use website parameter
FN158 add access-date and website should be Malay Mail Also FN169
As much as I wish to help this article attain GA status, halfway through reviewing, I regret to say I find this article still contains various ungrammatical and unecyclopedic prose and source formatting issues. The point of a GA review is not to hand-hold editors until their article is up to an acceptable standard, but instead point out small mistakes that help polish up the work; the number of issues listed in my above review was well above the minimum that other reviewers would use to quick-fail a nomination.
Personally, I find this article gives quite a lot more weight to his recent political life than his first premiership. This might be understandable given more accessible coverage, but some details could be better summarised.
I will like to present two options:
Either I will put the article on hold and have you polish up the article on your own in the seven days.
Or allow me to fail this article and have this article undergo a thorough copyedit from WP:GOCE before re-appearing at GAN again.
These are my general thoughts. The article could still see better polish, and having it copyedited thoroughly would benefit it a lot.--ZKang123 (talk) 00:25, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you very much for your thoughts and feedback. I am happy to put the review on hold give it a copyedit in its current form, if you think that would help its chances of becoming a GA.
On undue weight to recent premiership and political career, I will summarise some of the content (especially post-premiership). It's also possible some content can be moved to the newly created article Second premiership of Mahathir Mohamad and summarised here. If this last point is essential for GA status, I would rather it was failed as this could be a big job. Please let me know your thoughts. Arcahaeoindris (talk) 11:36, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I will see how it goes, but I personally very much doubt even in the seven days the article would be polished to an acceptable standard for GAN. Putting article on hold for now.--ZKang123 (talk) 11:43, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I see that the article improved significantly. But I don't think it's really in the right shape for GA at this point, as I still find various source formatting issues. The foreign relations section of his second premiership could be better summarised, especially I don't find it relevant of his statement that Carrie Lam should resign, for instance.
I will bring this to second opinion, and see what another nominator would think of this article. I'm afraid I'm still unsure whether to pass, or even fail this entirely given your efforts to improve this article.--ZKang123 (talk) 01:45, 2 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]
ZKang123, I saw the request for a second opinion on this. I have not yet had time to read through the article but having looked at the first couple of sections I don't see prose problems yet of a level that would prevent promotion to GA. Re source formatting: there are very few source formatting requirements for GA -- see footnote 3 in WP:GACR. I don't see anything in the source formatting that is not at GA standard. I may have time to read more of the prose tomorrow if you'd like more feedback on the prose quality. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:59, 2 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Oh Im unaware. I thought its the second reviewer who decides whether to pass. Alright, since everything else is good, I decided to pass.--ZKang123 (talk) 09:53, 1 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.