User talk:L'Origine du monde

After many years of constructive editing, I was accidentally blocked 5 years ago when I created a new account, which drove me mad. See discussion above this diff https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Incidents&diff=574382876&oldid=574380296. I request a restoration of my editing privileges. Time has passed, and my activities and experiences in that time have affected me, and I have grown up. Time is also important as I was originally blocked as a vandal by mistake, and I found it hard to forgive the confusion. 3 years ago I realised I was still too emotionally involved, and excited. Now I forgive, and more or less forget, and feel ashamed that I behaved badly. I also see that the guidance concerning IP, and Checkuser blocks, and other blocks has much improved since then :) I am sorry that I got so worked up, obsessive, and that I was disruptive. Now I feel calm, I can control myself, and I would like to edit again. When I see something wrong, I want to correct it, when something is missing, sometimes I like to research it, and enrich the world's knowledge. I created An Oak Tree a long time ago. I would like to create entries for David Bainbridge (b. 1941), Michael Baldwin (b. 1945) and Harold Hurrell (b. 1940), co-founders of Art & Language I didn't want to address the specifics, as it was very painful for me, but I try. I realise that I lost control, forgot how to behave, and made a bit of a mess. I thought I was trying to improve the project, but I confused it with personal disputes. Most importantly, I think, I didn't back off, and became fixated with the idea that I needed to edit wikipedia then, defend my good name, not step back, not take a break, not let things calm down. I constructively edited wikipedia for many years before I was first blocked as a vandal, out of the blue, by mistake, by an administrator who later became a checkuser. This made it impossible to get the block overturned. He refused to do so, and refused to unblock me or apologise. I didn't understand why, what was happening, and it was a difficult period in my life, and due to impatience, ignorance and immaturity I became obsessed, and lost it. I now realise the importance of keeping calm, and taking steps away. I had already some resentment that Ip editors were treated badly, the newspapers were full of stories that people were put off editing wikipedia, and I felt I should try to campaign. I confused this with a content dispute regarding what I perceived as censorship, and went right off. My original block occured because a vandal used a prior Ip address I had used for years previously, that I linked to this account (with other Ip addresses and user names) , and a user, who later became a Checkuser, was confused, and I did not realise why nobody else would review his block, because I had no understanding of what a checkuser meant. This frustrated me, and sent me a little crazy. When the block was eventually lifted by the Checkuser whose page the administrator had been watching (he refused to do it himself), it seemed to me that nobody believed that a checkuser could make such mistakes, and people claimed he knew bad things about me because of his status. I wanted to clear my name, took it far too much to heart, and too personally, could not see who was acting in good faith, attacked everyone, and at the same time I had an exaggerated idea of the importance of editors being able to edit without being caught up in anti-vandalism actions. I felt caught in a Kafkaesque nightmare. One of the editors repeated this mistaken claim in ANI, and I got this ban for arguing about it, and for how I argued. Being right, and fixing what seemed to me then a broken system, seemed so important that I declined partial bans, was a nightmare, lost sight of the merits compromise. I was used to arguing about content, and sources, but totally unused to ANI, and such politics, I took the provocations, it was horrible, it felt awful. I realised that I was being judged on my conduct, but it seemed so hard to avoid the content of the discussions, not to argue, to insist on being right, rather than walking away. Thats why I left this completely alone for 3 years. Now I feel calm, I can control myself, and I would like to edit again. When I see something wrong, I want to correct it, when something is missing, sometimes I like to research it, and enrich the world's knowledge. I am mature, stable, believe in the project, and I have no intention, or desire, to get in such a horrible situation again. I know that this reads a bit still as if I am angry about the original accidental ban, but I am not. I write about it because due to it I felt trapped in an extreme situation that pushed my behaviour over the edge. I have matured, am a better person, argue less, understand the points of view of others better, and am calmer and wiser. ♥ L'Origine du monde ♥ ^{(♥ Talk ♥)} 14:43, 21 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Unblocked. Welcome back! SQL^{Query me!} 17:04, 22 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

asking for a community review -It has been almost 5 years. I have grown in maturity. When I read wrong things here I still want to correct them, and to learn...♥ L'Origine du monde ♥ ^{(♥ Talk ♥)} 23:53, 12 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Time alone is not sufficient. You need to address the behaviour that lead to your original block. Yamla (talk) 10:58, 13 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]