- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 16:57, 28 June 2007.
The Western Ganga Dynasty ruled over Southern Karnataka, India, for over six centuries and played an important role in the development of the region. Although a small Kingdom, their contributions are well worth documenting and that is what this article has tried to establish. The article was in PR for a week without any comments or feedback. I am looking forward to constructive feedback that could help take this article to FA.Dineshkannambadi 23:45, 17 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support Nice article, but it seems it's over-informative, which is not a negative point as such.Cheers! User:Luxurious.gaurav
- Support: Great article with ample citations. But it seems that the 'History of Karnataka' template is not well placed. Please see if anything can be done here. But anyway I fully support the nomination. DSachan 11:26, 19 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Suggestion: The lead para states that the peak empire lasted from 350 to 550 CE. i am assuming that the territory of the empire was the largest at that time. The map shows the territory as of 800 CE. It will be great if you can the largest extent in a different shade to the same map.
DK reply Actually they were as soverign power between 350-550, not the peak.This is reflected in the lead. The map generally should be considered their core area, though the author (Adiga) says 800 CE onwards. I have a similar map from Kamath which assigns the area generally speaking, without dates. In 930 time frame they also ruled territories in the Tungabhadra valley further north but this was for a few decades untill the fall of Rashtrakutas, their overlords. Maps are ticky and I dont want to use my judgement in calculating area coverage at their peak.
Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"lasted from about 350 to 550" CE? BC? - add that reference
DK DoneDineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"feudatory" - is there a wikilink or you need to provide an explanation to this term as the understanding of the whole sentence hinges on this term.
DK the term has no wikilink, but generally means a subordinate. I can change it to subordinate.
"fighting for the cause of the overlords" - i am assuming it is the chalukyas. On second thought, can you re-phrase the entire sentence "After the rise of the imperial ..."
DK Done, emphasized better nowDineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: Need date when they started serving under the Chalukyas --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"When the Chalukyas were replaced" - provide date
DK DoneDineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
a few issues with this:"the Western Gangas successfully fought along side their new overlords against their traditional foes, the Chola Dynasty of Tanjavur in the battle of Takkolam resulting in the Rashtrakuta occupation of northern Tamil Nadu." - (1)new overlords - this means that their existence after 550 CE is as a subject nation to a larger empire. can you make that clear in the sentence that chalks history from 350 to 550 CE. Thus the addition of 550 to 1000 CE would provide a complete overview (2) traditional foes - the previous sentence had the pallavas as their foe. avoid usage of the term "traditional", unless you would like to add substantial evidence in the lead section (3) "occupation of northern Tamil Nadu" - provide dates. remember that the lead section needs to stand on it's own and dates are essential in these type of history articles
DK Simplified. removed mention of Rashtrakuta occupation of northern Tamil nadu as it is perhaps unnecessary to the article lead. As such, it is mentioned in the History section. It is mentioned more in detail in the Rashtrakuta Dynasty article. Regarding the time frame from 550-1000, they were really independent from 750-850 (approx), constantly at war with the Rashtrakutas. There after they again became subordinates. So one cant really say they were a subject nation technically throughout. How does it look now?Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Much better. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In the late 10th century, major political changes were taking place in the Deccan." - violates Show, don't tell policy. reword/re-phrase or remove
DK Done. removed "major political..."Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"The Rashtrakutas were replaced by the emerging Western Chalukya Empire north of the Tungabhadra river" - grammatical error. I think it should be "North of Tungabhadra river, the Rashtrakutas were replaced by the emerging Western Chalukya Empire"
DK Done. Copied your sentence.Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Though territorially a small kingdom," - all the above dealt with geo-spread of the empire and subsequent sentences deal with culture and other aspects. it is best to seperate it out as a new para. combine all military prowress/empire extent into one para
DK Done. seperated.Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"resulting in the construction of fine monuments" - avoid usage of terms "fine". could be considered POV. Also, let the reader make the judgement of the monument being fine or otherwise
DK done. removed "fine".Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** The lead para does not have details of how the empire came into existence in 350 CE. Please add the same.
DK The invasion of Samudragupta having caused disturbance in the south is only a theory, perhaps not proven by inscriptions. This is why even historians merely mention it without giving it too much credibility, but more as a geo-political event. Adding it to the LEAD may make people think that the Gangas had something to do with Samudragupta. This is why I prefer no to add it.Dineshkannambadi 22:52, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:My try: "The general belief is that the Western Ganga empire began during a time period when multiple small kingdoms arose after the weaking of the Pallava empire, a geo-political event sometimes attributed to the conquests of Samudra Gupta. Does that sound fair? --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK I have addd this to the lead. Please take a look.Dineshkannambadi 01:47, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
How is the shravanabelagola temple and idol related to the History section? Move it to a different/more appropriate section
DK Done. Moved it down and moved Kings template up.Dineshkannambadi 23:09, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"of southern India by Samudra Gupta, a king from North India and carved out a small kingdom for themselves. " - which year (or approx. range of years) did Samudra gupta invade? and when did the gangas carve a "small kingdom" for themselves. also, remove "small" unless you are going to quantify it
DK Samudragupta ruled from 335-380. I dont have a date for his southern invasion, but it must have been just prior to 350 as this is mentioned in more than one book. Generally, such major geo-political changes throws up smaller kingdoms who break away from their earlier overlords.Dineshkannambadi 00:26, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** At times, they also controlled some areas in modern Tamil Nadu and Andhra Pradesh." - years/dates? which areas in AP and TN?
DK done. I have added the info. They consolidated Ananthpur in AP aroud 450 and Kongu region in TN in 6th century. But their hold there was not permanent.Dineshkannambadi 01:47, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"capital around 350 and " - add CE in this sentence as well as everywhere else in the article as well
DK This issue has had its share of conflicts. Many reviewers feel that CE need not be added everywhere, only in the lead. I have had to do-redo-do this kind of edits repeatedly and finally stuck to what I felt was majority view. same with 350 kind of linking.Dineshkannambadi 00:26, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:Fair enough. CE is lead and none elsewhere will be my mantra going forward. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** "Historians have debated whether Gangas had complete independence in the early decades of their rule from Kolar." - i am confused. the previous sentence states that the empire was created with kolar as the capital. this sentence contradicts that. need clarification and re-wording
DK Majority of the historians view that they became independent from 350. A few like Baji feel they still owed some alligience to Pallavas for a few decades. This is normal as these things dont happen overnight. I went with the majority view in the lead. I can remove the above sentence "Historians have debated whether Gangas had complete independence in the early decades of their rule from Kolar." since it is not critical to the article. Sound ok?Dineshkannambadi 23:09, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: Yeah, please remove or re-word the sentence. as i stated, the previous sentence states that the gangas made Kolar their capital and the next sentence stated just the opposite. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK removed sentence for clarity.Dineshkannambadi 15:25, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** "the Gangas had consolidated their kingdom with Talakad as their capital." - why did they choose Talakad as their capital?
DK closer to the rich pasture lands and agricultural lands of Malnad, considering they were still under pressure from Kadambas in central Karnataka and Pallavas south of Kaveri. I did not want to go into these details to keep the article concise. In an earlier FA, I was asked not to dwell into details.Dineshkannambadi 23:09, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: I think the details of why an empire shifted capitals is very important and pertinent to the wiki article. Please add the same here. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Dk Done. Added info. A strategic move to contain the Kadambas.Dineshkannambadi 01:49, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"By 430 they had consolidated their eastern territories" - any info on which regions in AP/Kar/TN are covered in this "eastern territories".
DK Historians here , at this time, refer to Bangalore, Kolar, Tumkur, perhaps Anathapur (not many inscriptions from here) .Dineshkannambadi 23:09, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** 'his younger brother who was favoured by King Avinita." - who is Avinita? provide wikilink for his page and if possible, some reference to his involvement in the history of the dynasty.
DK King Avinita is King Durvinita's father. Not much is written about Avinita, though I can create a stub.Dineshkannambadi 23:09, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK created a stub for Avinita.Dineshkannambadi 01:56, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** "accounts suggest that in this family feud the Pallavas " - copyedit required, remove "in this family feud" at a min and add the phrase towards the end of sentence else re-write the sentence
DK rewrote.Dineshkannambadi 01:33, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:Follow-up comments: Manu should be wikilinked to Manu (Hinduism) and not Manu (hinduism).
DK linked correctly.Dineshkannambadi 15:29, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"King Sripurusha fought the Pallava King Paramamaheshvara Varman successfully" - which year? I noticed that there are 2 Paramamahshvara Varman (I and II). but their reign was 672 - 700 and 705 - 710. whereas your article implies that it is after 725. please reconcile
DK Copy edit mistake. corrected. The king was Nandivarman Pallavamalla. Earlier, in early 8th century, Parameshvaravarman was killed in a duel with Ganga -Chalukya Vikramaditya II alliance.Dineshkannambadi 01:33, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** "A contest with the Pandyas of Madurai over control of Kongu region brought mixed results" - what is "mixed results", did they lose teritory? did that make any political impact? Not having that info seems to provide only one sided view of the events.
DK I read it again. The author says that the Pandyas incriptions claim the Ganga control over Kongu was "threatened" by Pandya invasion in which the Pandya seem to have won the battle, but it is not clear if they held Kongu because there was a marriage between Ganga princess and Pandya prince.(K.A.N. Sastri in Adiga). The 771 Salem plates of Sripurusha and the Koramangala grant however indicate the Kongu region remained in Ganga control.(Ramesh in Adiga)Dineshkannambadi 01:33, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: Please add this summary in the article. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Added summary with citations.Dineshkannambadi 15:39, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In 753, the Badami Chalukyas were replaced by Rashtrakutas as the dominant force in the Deccan to which the Gangas offered stiff resistance for about a century" - this does not get reflected in the lead section. request a phrase addition in the lead section.
DK Done.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** "Butuga II was the next famous king who ascended the throne with the help of Rashtrakuta Amoghavarsha III (whose daughter he married).[33]" - year and was any king missed in-between?
DK Yes. Not much is mentioned about Rachamalla II, Ereganga Neetimarga II and Narasimha who ruled in (870-938). Perhaps an uneventuful time as the Rashtrakuta overlords were the supreme power in Deccan at this time..Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: Fair enough. Follow-up comment: "After an uneventful period, Butuga II was the next famous king who ascended the throne in 938 " - remove "was the next famous king who" - POV and not required. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Done.Dineshkannambadi 15:39, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Rashtrakuta Amoghavarsha I gave his daughter Chandrabbalabbe in marriage to Ganga prince Butuga I"; later "Butuga II was the next famous king who ascended the throne with the help of Rashtrakuta Amoghavarsha III (whose daughter he married" - are these 2 different events or the same event with mistake in the roman numerals. If there is no mistake, what happened to Butuga I, why did he not become the king after his father's death?
DK Butuga I never became the king. There is no mistake with Roman numerals.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"A later " - year?month?decade?
DK dated to 963
"a minister in the Western Ganga court is a well known personality to students of modern Karnataka's history " - def. POV
DK Removed phrase.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"He served King Marasimha II and his successors ably and helped them during times of distress." - violates Show, don't tell policy. Please elaborate on what distress did he solve for the king?
DK Done. Hepled supress a civi war.
** "Large areas of south Karnataka came under Chola control for about a century until the region was annexed by Hoysala Vishnuvardhana who defeated the Cholas in a decisive battle at Talakad.[44]" - strong object to this sentence. please explain the need for the sentence.
DK Removed. put it for continuity, but i guess its not necessary.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:Yes. it is not necessary. It gives an impression that you are pursuing an agenda of highlighting the superiority of kannada people's rule over modern karnataka region. sticking to facts provides little/no ammo for vandals. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** The Western Ganga administration was influenced by some principles stated in the ancient text Arthashastra." - how did they receive arthashastra? which principles (provide number evidence) did they follow?
DK I have added this info. It was the role played by village elders. The same citation in following line holds good.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: Not convinced. remove the term "some" and i think that should be fine. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Done.Dineshkannambadi 01:56, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
** Niyogis - provide wikilink
Dk Done. will add stub.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:Isn't the niyogis mentioned here, the same as Niyogi. Please let me know. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Done. The article on Niyogi has been written with todays POV that they are predominently Telugu. 1500 years back things may have been different given the fact people have moved around a lot. So I hesitate to link to that, to avoid confusion and unnecessary conflict. In fact I would request not to link. (I have linked anyway)Dineshkannambadi 15:48, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
pergade, nadabova, nalagamiga, prabhu and gavunda - what do these titles mean? Oh, i get it - either move the sentence to the next para or combine the 2 paras.
DK DoneDineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Image of Roof sculpture, Panchakuta basadi at Kambadahalli is repeated twice.
DK Actually they are two seperate sculptures, resembling each other. I have commented out one.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
:Oh, i didn't know that. if they are different, you can add both as well as ensure that the difference is made visible to all. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
With respect to images, please make a gallery and add these images in the same. The gallery goes under the religion/architecture sections and you can have multiple galleries - i see one for shravanabelagola and another for the rest.
DK regarding this, I request a waiver. This issue came up in another FAC and reviewers felt that the reader would loose the context if a gallery were added. This is why I have not used galleries in any FA.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: I am not convinced but i shall go with you on this. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"The Western Ganga rule was a period of brisk literary activity in Sanskrit and Kannada, though many of the writings are now considered extinct and are known only from references made to them." - need reference
DK Done.Dineshkannambadi 02:02, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply-->Please give me a day or two to answer, modify, correct or confirm all the points you have brought up.thanks.Dineshkannambadi 18:13, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
: I have struck off comments which have been addressed. There are a few still that needs to be done, before i want to add my support to the article. --Kalyan 06:55, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK I will take a closer look today.Dineshkannambadi 13:50, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- SUPPORT: All comments have been closed. --Kalyan 04:10, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Object. The article has too many opinionated sentences. I have tagged some. By virtue of a Hindu belief that killing of a brahmin (Bramhatya) was a sin, capital punishment was not applicable to them is POV. Severe crimes committed were punishable by the severing of a foot or hand - what is a severe crime? Don't you think the article should be renamed as Western Ganga Empire or Western Ganga Kingdom? A dynastic page ought to focus on the succession primarily. Anwar 18:56, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- DK Reply-->These are opinions of Scholars for which citations have been provided. Not my opinions. Additional Citation has been provided. Infact citation already existed just a few lines ahead. I dont see why a dynastic page has to merely focus on succession. However, I have no problem if its called Western Ganga Kingdom, if there is concensus. I can study he book again and see what the author may have meant by "severe crime", though I suspect its unlikely he would have listed what was severe and what was not because that would be considered "opinionated". Dineshkannambadi 19:49, 21 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I just noticed that another article Political history of medieval Karnataka does not have any section about Western Ganga dynasty at all. Which version is correct? The society, language, literature, architecture and religion sections of WGD should be shifted to the PHMK without much ado as they are apparently common traits of all Kannada kingdoms then. Anwar 12:31, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- DK A pargraph on Gangas exists in the very first section bottom of the article you mentioned. The section is called "Kadambas and Gangas" in bold. Why should these sections from Western Ganga Dynasty be shifted to Political History of medieval Karnataka? PHMK is meant to be a brief commentary on all empires that ruled from Karnataka with limited focus on kingdom history, some focus on language, architecture. literature etc. I think you are getting confused. WGD on the contrary is a detailed description of the Gangas. BTW, this FAC is on "Western Ganga Dynasty", not PHMK.Dineshkannambadi 13:49, 22 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 17:04, 10 June 2007.
previous FAC
I am re-nominating this article as I have dealt with the vast majority, if not all, of the points raised in the previous peer review and nomination discussion. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 16:24, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Is there any way of having bullet points as opposed to asterisks? Personally, I don't think I like the look of that. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 02:45, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- You can just remove the asterisks, as was done here (see refs 81 & 91), I've also seen it in bolded letters although I can't remember where ie; a) b). Quadzilla99 03:03, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've decided to use Roman numerals. I hope that's OK. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 13:50, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from The Rambling Man
Firstly, as I have said to you already, well done on persevering. So, to my comments...
"...The era came to an end in 1972 when they left after..." - just clarify what they left I think.
- The old WP:Recentism rears its head again. The lead gets us to 1997 but one third of the History section is dedicated to post-1997. Either add more to lead (if it's notable) or reduce the history accordingly.
"Since entering, ..." - entering what?
"The next season — 1988–89 — Jim McLaughlin's side won a treble — the league, the League Cup and the FAI Cup." - a few too many dashes here for me (personal pref.)
"...9 men...", I prefer numbers below 10 to be worded - so "...nine men..."
While not mandated, ref's 51, 53, 55 & 56 don't follow WP:DASH's advice on positioning. Not a big deal.
"...much-welcomed..." - bit POV.
- Not keen on the two quotations in the Supporters section being formatted as they are. I can't offer a decent suggestion at the moment, but it just looks a bit odd to me.
Still not overwhelmed by a clip of the club appearing on QoS because I think hundreds of clubs could claim this, but still, it's no big deal.
Citation required for April Fool's Joke.
Perhaps consider pruning down the external links per WP:EL but, again, no big deal.
Feel free to strike these off or comment against them as and when you deal with them, and hopefully I'll add my support. Good luck. The Rambling Man 17:12, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Regarding point 2; I decided to limit the lead to just information on the club's league-successes, it's movement between leagues and the local rivalry. The modern history section deals with the club's near-bankruptcy, near-relegation, the 2006 UEFA Cup run (the club's most impressive ever), the return of unionist-supported teams to the Brandywell for competitive games and notable momens from this season and last. While notable for the club, I don't feel it would be appropriate to include these issues in the lead. What do you think? I will work on cutting out as much of the trivial recent history as I can.
- Oldelpaso has removed the April Fools' joke mention, along with the text on the QoS appearance and the Panel mug, so points 9 and 10 have been dealt with I think. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 18:13, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've deleted two external links already included in the article's footnotes, so I'll strike off point 11. That OK? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 19:08, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Oppose: First and foremost, this article is 68 KB long, a bit too long for an FA. Also, several sentences contain improvable structure. Also, it contains several grammar mistakes. Also, the introduction is too detailed and can be shortened, according to me. Universe=atom•Talk•Contributions• 18:23, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Technically speaking, the objection to the length isn't suprising - WP:SS suggests than no more than 50% beyond 30KB... Perhaps we need to work on better summarising... The Rambling Man 18:43, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- This article is not and was not too long. The prose size is currently a very modest 25KB, which actually makes it short in terms of many other FAs. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:38, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I agree, it is now shorter than other FAs, however when the original point was made, five days ago, the article was too long. Perhaps the pruning has gone too far. But I also agree that Universe=atom seems to pick on some rather unusual (perhaps not WP:FAR) requirements to support a FAC. Anyway, what's done is done, let's focus on what we have and how best to get it to FA status. The Rambling Man 21:50, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Actually if you see my comment below it was 26KB prose when Universe commented. Quadzilla99 01:13, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "...several grammar mistakes..." - it would be useful to point these out, after all we should be here to encourage articles to featured status, not just block them getting there... The Rambling Man 18:44, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- To Universe=atom: Care to be more specific as to where the grammatical errors and structural problems lie? There are plenty of FAs with longer leads (see Buckingham Palace or the All Blacks, for example). The lead is only a few lines longer than the one in Chelsea F.C.. What do you think I could remove? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 18:53, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Also, just today, you supported a nomination with a lead of equivelent length to the lead in this article. See: Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Building the World Trade Center. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 23:15, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Question: Should the name of the club in Irish be included in bold text? Some, TG4 for example, would refer to the club by this name. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 20:40, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I wouldn't worry about that right now, but if I had to make a choice, don't bother. Let's worry about the other comments first... The Rambling Man 20:55, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Just to use an example; the featured article on the Azerbaijani people has their Azeri and Persian names in bold. As an aside, it is 66KB — similar in length to this article. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 23:15, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've decided to follow that article on this but if there are any objections, it's not a major problem. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 02:47, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Some questions about outstanding issues:
- What should be done with the quotes in the section on supporters?
- Is the lead OK the way I have it?
- Is the history section now fine that the length is within limits?
- Where exactly are these remaining grammatical/structural problems? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 23:01, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Grammar Mistakes:
- "Derry City Football Club (Irish: Cumann Peile Chathair Dhoire, IPA: [kʊmən̪ˠ pɛlʲə xahəɾʲ ɣɛɾʲə]) are an Irish football club based in Derry, Northern Ireland." (first sentence in article) The verb should be singular in form; even though club is a collective noun, it is still singular in form.
- "The club, however, play in the FAI Premier Division, the top tier of the Republic of Ireland's FAI League of Ireland, and are the only participating club from Northern Ireland." (second sentence in article) Again, the verb should be singular in form; even though club is a collective noun, it is still singular in form.
- "They play their home matches at the Brandywell Stadium and wear red and white in a vertically-striped pattern."" (third sentence of article) Are we talking about the club here or the players of the club? If the club is the antecedent of the pronoun they, the subject (they), should be singular in form. If players is the antecedent, some mention should be given about it.
"Others may refer to the club as the Red and White Army, or abbreviate the name to Derry or City." (fifth sentence of article) This sentence has two grammar mistakes. First of all, a comma should not be present between a the two parts of a compound verb. Second of all, if the helping verb may is present in the first of the two verbs, it should also be present in the second verb (before abbreviate).
- These are only five grammar mistakes in the first five sentences in the entire article, in the first paragraph of the introduction. I think this lays a clear path for the entire article. If you want to know more, please let me know. Now, the structural mistakes:
Perhaps the "crests" section should be merged with the "Colours" section; after all, they both represent the club's outward displays, or whatever you call it.
Perhaps the "Supporters," "First-team squad," and "Managers" sections should be put adjacent each other because all three refer to people.
- A sentence with flawed sentence structure: "The club, founded in 1928, once played in the Irish League — Northern Ireland's league — and won a league title in the 1964–65 season." (first sentence of second paragraph of introduction) Why is "Northern Ireland's league" there. That seems to signify that the Irish league is the same thing as the Northern Irish league (actually, I am not an expert at this field; so, I am not sure).
- The lead, perhaps, is good as it is. Perhaps I was wrong when I said that it was too long. Universe=atom•Talk•Contributions• 15:21, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for taking the time to point out where you feel the errors lie. I made a conscious decision to use the word "club" as a collective noun/plural throughout the article. I understand that this is perfectly acceptable in what one might call "British English". Arsenal F.C., for example, sees the word used in the same way. I believe that American English speakers, however, use the word as a singular noun. I have a feeling there is an article on Wikipedia which deals with this but I'm not sure where it is exactly. I'll try and have a look for it. I've improved the grammar relating to your fourth point so I hope it's OK for me to strike that one out.
- The reason I highlight that the Irish League is Northern Ireland's league is because Derry City now play in the League of Ireland, the league of the Republic of Ireland, even though they are based in Northern Ireland. I felt it might cause confusion if I did not distinguish that the two league's represent different jurisdictions. "Irish League" is the proper title of the league of Northern Ireland. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 16:38, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- No, I do not think that club, as a collective noun, is plural. After all, the word in itself refers to only the club. If we were the say that it performed something, say plays in a championship, we would say that the use plays, not plays, because the club, as a whole, played. If we said that "the club play," it would be wrong grammar; the subject would be singular and the verb would be plural. The subject and the predicate (the verb) have to agree in number. I do not think that British English and American English differ here, for it is a basic rule of grammar. If they do, by a slight chance, differ, please ignore this comment. Universe=atom•Talk•Contributions• 17:16, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- This might help: Collective nouns#Metonymic merging of grammatical number. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 19:37, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Question: Would it look tidier if I removed the sub-headings in the history section or should I maintain these to keep the section more inviting to read? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 02:45, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I like it the way it is. Perhaps you need to poke a few people at WP:FOOTBALL to see if they'll come by and add their support? The Rambling Man 12:19, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - I think that the article has definitely come a long way and the efforts of Danny Invincible should be duly noted. The article is informative, straight-forward and overall a good read. The amount of assiduous work that has gone into the page is inspiring and I think that it is definitely worthy of Featured Article Status. Ryannus 18:53, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support All the points raised in the previous FAC (and on the talk page in the intervening period between that FAC and this one) have been resolved. Good work. Oldelpaso 21:28, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
An interesting read, but not what I would expect from an encyclopedic article. The tone in the intro (which is long) is journalistic rather than encyclopedic "...Jim Roddy fills the role of chief executive. Hugh McDaid is the current chairman who, with his board, has assigned the team's management to Pat Fenlon and his assistant, Anthony Gorman." John Hume is notable enough to merit a reference as to who he is.
In the intro: "once played in the Irish league (Once? One match? When?)- Northern Ireland's League (I do not believe a possessive is appropriate here, nor later in "the Republic's, or the Republic of Ireland's...).
- Did the IFA insist matches must be in Coleraine, or simply that they should not be in (London)Derry? Could the reader unfamiliar with the area be told how far apart these towns are?
- Examples of non-encyclopedic, casual, language: "outfit", "welcomed by", "turmoil of the day" "devastated and feeling marginalised"(no citation to show that any individual felt so) "path has not always been smooth", "local famous faces", "on-field results worsened" (POV: the results got better for opposing teams), "Kenny blossommed positive results", "in as equally dramatic fashion", "in reverence to him (Billy Gillespie) and his time in Sheffield", etc.
- "primary club": not a description of a level of football I have ever heard: might read as though it means U-11s!
- "IFA claimed their ground was not up to standard": implicit criticism, therefore not NPOV. This more evident later in the same para The IFA...would rather have been represented by..."
- "most teams' journey to the Brandywell was of little consequence"???? What does this mean?
- "criteria points": demands explanation, especially if the number 830 is to mean anything.
- "A native of Donegal": relevance unexplained: Derry is not in Donegal.
- Long section on origins and symbols of the city's coat of arms should be in another article to which this is wikilinked: description of what is not on a badge is baffling.
- Relevance of citing Bogside in describing where Brandywell is will not be clear to many: reference to Meenan Park, which has no wikilink, leaves readers none the wiser.
- Repetition of same confusion of not being allowed to play at Brandywell = being forced to play in Coleraine: why was there no other alternative?
- Had Archie McLeod come "over from the Highlands"? When I was last in Partick, it was not very mountainous.
- The "Supporters" section in particular is partisan, rather than factual in tone, with two long glowing quotes.
So I'm afraid that I would have to classify this one as being still a long way from FA readiness. Kevin McE 23:03, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Well, that's a spanner in the works. ;) Anyway, thanks for taking the time to review the article. I'll try and deal with your points in your order as best I can.
- Are you suggesting that a note be included about Hume's importance in the lead? Mention is given to the fact that he was an MEP for Foyle later in the modern history section.
- "Once" has been changed to "initially" by Oldelpaso. I've also edited the line mentioning Hume, Roddy and McDaid, et cetera. I'll see what I can do about the rest of the "journalistic", "casual" language.
- Do you not believe that by distinguishing the league's between Northern Ireland and the Republic, it might help prevent confusion between them for readers who are new to the topic? After all, their full titles ("Irish League" and "League of Ireland") give no indication as to within which jurisdiction they each operate. I've commonly come across individuals and websites (including Sky Sports) referring to the League of Ireland as the Irish League, for example.
- The distance between Coleraine and Derry is mentioned later in the article. Is the lead a good place for it? As to whether or not Derry or the IFA chose Coleraine and whether there was an alernative available, I'm not sure. I'm in the process of finding that out. I can only assume it was the nearest ground to Derry considered to be of a high enough standard to host visiting teams and their fans (especially those of the unionist tradition) safely.
- Regarding the use of "devastated and marginalised", it refers to the club's members. And there is a citation for this (see Mahon, for example). Also, John Hume and Martin McGuinness mention feelings of marginalisation/victimisation.
- By "primary club", I mean the city's main or largest club, in the same way that, say, F.C. Barcelona would undoubtedly be Barcelona's primary club despite Espanyol also playing in the city. I think that's clear enough and makes sense. Would you prefer I used another synomyn instead?
- I'm not sure what your problem is with the assertion that the IFA claimed the Brandywell was not up to standard. It has a citation and was given as the reason Derry would not be permitted to play the second leg there. Also, Cronin, in dealing with the IFA, states bluntly, "Catholic clubs were unwanted by the IFA and the majority of senior clubs".
- "Most teams journey ... was of little consequence" means that the games were not significant affairs and passed off without major event or incident in comparison to the violence which later spilled over from the Troubles.
- Footnote 47 expands on the criteria used to determine membership of the FAI Premier Division for 2007. It also provides a wikilink.
- The Brandywell area is often twinned with the Bogside. They are side-by-side and both are seen as working-class, republican strongholds. As the Bogside is wikilinked, it might help readers grasp a better understanding of the locality surrounding the stadium. Perhaps I should add "just south-west of the Bogside"? I don't know much about Meenan Park myself. Having just done an online search, it seems to be either a public park (as one might guess) or a stretch of land situated in the Bogside. Numerous pages relating to the events of Bloody Sunday appear, but I don't think it would be notable enough to have its own article.
- I feel it is worth including the origins and a description of the city's coat of arms. After all, it did appear on club parafernalia.
- I've gotten rid of "the Highlands". I've also added "nearby" to the mention of Donegal for Gillespie, as Donegal is a neighbouring county of Derry.
- The support section is littered with references for all claims. The quotes are important in indicating the club's reliance on or strong connection with the local community, and vice versa.
- I hope that satisifies some of your points. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 09:02, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- On the basis that it is better to try to improve than to criticise, I have started addressing some of the issues I raised.
- The difference between the Irish League and the League of Ireland is indeed important: it was the use of a possessive as an adjective that jarred with me, (no-one would talk about England's or Spain's league) and I have attemped paraphrases.
- John Hume described: while Mssrs Roddy and McDaid may be fine men, their names will not mean anything to readers who are not already knowledgeable about the club, and so I see little reason to retain them in the intro.
- Rephrase to say that the restriction was that they could not play at Brandywell, and present the fact that games were at Coleraine.
- "claimed" the ground was not up to standard is to present it as a haughty opinion: I have changed it to "declared", which acknowledges that they had some authority in the matter, although whether that authority was wielded justly is open to debate. Similarly, an encyclopedia can say that many people (Cronin is clearly an example" believed that the IFA would have preferred protestant representation, but unless the IFA say so themselves, it is a speculative accusation. I hope my rephrasing gets around that.
- Given that Derry won the league in '64/5, at least some of the matches must have been significant: I have adjusted the "of little consequence" to refer to a lack of confrontation.
- Again: movement from Brandywell was forced: Coleraine was a choice (maybe only as the least bad option, but it was not forced upon them). I believe it suffices to say that the motion to return was voted down: again, unless the reasons are formally recorded by the Irish League, and not simply by contemporary commentators, it is speculative (even if such speculation is confident) to ascribe a reason.
- Supporters may have felt devastated and marginalised: I'd be amazed if they didn't. But an encyclopedia should not attribute emotions to a club.
- There may have been little realistic option, but that is not the same as "no option", so rephrased.
- I have made a number of minor copy edits as well, as far as the end of the "Modern highs and lows" section. I did not want to come accross as negatively as I perhaps did yesterday, and I was glad to see that many of the issues I raised have been taken up by other editors. It is a fascinating article, and a truly unique club, which would make an article that should come to wider attention as a featured article, but I do think that the matters I raised were genuine ones about the encyclopedic nature of the article. I still have reservations about the article, and like Qwghlm, particularly about the "Supporters" section, but it's about time I got to bed. Kevin McE 00:22, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- A knowledgable contributor to Derry City Chat informs me that in September 1971 there was no other ground suitable in Derry to host Irish League games. He explained that nearby Limavady was an option, but that the club there and many in the local population were not keen. They also looked into playing at Finn Park in Ballybofey, but the IFA would not agree to it (presumably because Ballybofey was in the Republic of Ireland). Other than that, Coleraine was the nearest viable option. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 10:07, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment This article is by and large excellent, especially the neutral description of the political context, but still not quite FA status. For one thing, there are too many irrelevant asides in the History relegated to the footnotes, when they should be excised outright - they add little to the article, and it's not as if they cannot be included in the detailed History of Derry City F.C. article instead. The recentism should be trimmed a bit by merging the last two paragraphs of the History section into one. The referencing system is a mess - it makes editing very hard. References should not be broken into subsections, and they should use {{cite web}} and {{cite news}} consistently throughout rather than hard-coded formatting - which means you can also add linebreaks to make the wikicode easier to edit (as I have done in Arsenal F.C.)
My biggest bugbear however is the prose in the Supporters section - it smacks a little of hubris and I think neither quote should be included in as full a main one. Some of the assertions look odd - "bus-loads" is not encyclopaedic (and to be honest, most clubs can claim the same) and "wall of sound" makes little sense in a football context. The second paragraph's claim of warmth and community spirit is uncited and probably unverifiable POV.
I would be bold and make changes myself, but the complexity of the wikicode and the lack of standard templates makes it very hard to edit right now. Qwghlm 10:14, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Supplemental: As a pointer, this is the kind of edit you need to be doing to trim the footnotes. At the very least it brings the article size down a bit. Qwghlm 10:27, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Whoah, whoah hold off. Citation templates are not required by any guideline in this entire enycylopedia. Their use is entirely optional. Quadzilla99 08:39, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to take a short break from any major editing until May is out as I have university exams fast approaching. However, I will return then, whether this nomination fails or succeeds, to deal with outstanding issues and continue any necessary work on the article. Thanks to all for the help. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 14:22, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've had a read through have a few comments:
- I have a slight problem with the mention of Hume in the lead. It's not part of an article summary, and is placed seemingly because there is not better place for it. Is there anywhere you could move it?
- I think " Nationalists refer to the city as "Derry", while unionists often term it "Londonderry".[2] At the time, however, the dispute was not as politicised as it is today." would be better suited to a note. However, I know that if you did that the paragraph wouldn't flow particularly well - albeit it doesn't now.
- "The founders decided not to use the name of the city's previous primary club, Derry Celtic, to be more inclusive to football fans in the city.[3][4]" doesn't make sense, I have no clue why that's a more inclusive name, although the ref gives the reason. Perhaps some explanation?
- "despite the club's conversion to part-time status after the abolishment of the maximum wage in 1961." A wiki-link to maximum wage, if there's an appropriate article, might be quite helpful.
- "The colours were identical to Aston Villa's, historically one of England's most successful clubs,[3]" is not mentioned in the source as far as I can see? Is it necessary, in any case?
- "The club's most capped player with 25 for Ireland,[38]" I see what you're doing, but it would be better to have "appearances" after 25
- "The colours were associated with Wolverhampton Wanderers,[40] a major force in English football during the 1950s,[41] but were not as successful for Derry as they had been for Wolverhampton Wanderers and were dropped. " The ref you have there doesn't state anything about a Derry decision to imitate Wolverhampton, even if it's a likelihood. Again, is it relevant?
- "it was highlighted that Archie McLeod, the grandfather of David Tennant, the tenth Doctor Who, was a Derry City player." Tennant's the tenth Doctor, not the tenth Doctor Who. That's the name of the programme.
- I don't like how you've got a block quote from Hume next to a conventionally written quote from the captain.
- An excellent article though, some really good citations. Should a fair bit of the above get resolved, I'll support. HornetMike 01:05, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've dealt with a few more of the issues raised. About the concerns over the first paragraph in the history section; any idea on how I should re-structure or re-word it? Just to explain the reason why the club decided against using "Celtic" in their name; using the word may have proved controversial with Protestants in the city as it would have been perceived as the club expressing a strong Irish nationalist identity (See Celtic, Belfast Celtic or Donegal Celtic, for example. These clubs are or were all strongly associated with the Irish Catholic or nationalist community.). Regardless, Derry did eventually become strongly associated with the nationalist community, but it wasn't a self-enforced link. "City" was a much more neutral and inclusive title. I thought that might be self-explanatory. Maybe not. Should I expand on this? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 20:59, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - It looks fine now, and I don't think you need to expand anymore. Good work, all my issues resolved. HornetMike 00:05, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Managers section is quite long. Might wat to make a seperate managers page and cut the bit on the main page down to notable managers (i.e. ones which won trophies) SenorKristobbal 12:56, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I worry that might give a disjointed appearance, so I have instead split the box into two rows. What do you think of that? Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 15:15, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've now split it into three rows to see how it looks. It does spread the information across the page more rather than having a long list adding quite a bit of length to the page, but maybe you won't like it. Anyway, feel free to give an opinion. Danny InvincibleTalk|Edits 15:29, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Much neater. Can't see any other problems its a nice article. SenorKristobbal 18:32, 5 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support. After reading through the article, I can't see any problems that haven't already been mentioned. There was one instance of "fanbase" that should be "fan-base" (which I've fixed). Well done, and good work. CloudNine 16:04, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Re-confirming Support - I think that the article has certainly reached Featured Article status. Ryannus 09:39, 7 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 18:03, 4 June 2007.
The Political history of medieval Karnataka covers the political developments that transpired in the region known today as modern Karnataka state, India in a time period popularly known as the "Classial Age" of Indian history. While some FAs about the famous dynasties that ruled from this region have been documented individually, this article pieces together the flow of history and the transition of political power from one empire to the next, providing information that would otherwise not be apparent. Apart from the large empires that ruled from Karnataka, the article also discusses the earliest native Hindu Kingdoms and the much later Muslim Sultanates of the region.
Please provide constructive feedback about the format and presentation of the article which has already been through several rounds of copy edits. ThanksDineshkannambadi 20:53, 13 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose: I think there are quite a few things missing in this article. First, there is no peerreview feedback. Hence the effort on this article is based on the sole contribution of single member. Also, there are a lot of unclaimed and unverified statements. I shall try and list them as much as possible. Some of the main feedback for the article include:
DK Reply I nominated the article for peer review two weeks back. Normally from my experience, peer review's generate very luke warm responses anyway. The article is strong in citations which I am confidant about. There are no "unclaimed and unverified" statements here. Please feel free to tag the article where you feel needs verification and I shall provide the necessary citation.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
1. No Maps: There is no maps that indicate the boundary of any of these kingdoms. i think maps that detail the extent of these kingdom over a period of time is essential for an FA article.
DK Reply The attached main articles provide the territorial maps for a readers interest. A decision had to be made whether to clog up the article with maps or add colourful monuments. I choose the later. If there is consensus that maps are better than monuments, I shall be happy to provide that. Only the Gangas and Sultanates dont have maps which I can have prepared at short notice.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
2. No reason is provided for the timeline that the article covers (4th century A.D. and 16th century A.D.). Why the classification and what happens next?
DK Reply The words "political" and "medieval" were intended to provide that reason. Prior to 4th century, the empires that ruled over the Karnataka region had their power centres outside the region. This is why some historians (K.V.Ramesh, Kamath, Adiga etc) see 4th century as the beginning of a political history controlled by empires that ruled from within. Also the 16th century date was chosen with a specific intent. Normally this period onwards, the history of Karnataka and for that matter India is not considered medieval. Also the intention was not to clog up too many post 16th century events (Mysore kingdom, Keladi Nayaka, Maratha invasion, Portuguese rule in coastal Karnataka, British rule, unification of Karnataka etc) into one article. So we (the Karnataka work group) discussed it (not in the peer review) and decided to make it two separate articles.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
3. The article is jumbled in terms of dates. The native kingdom has dates running thru 12th century.
DK Reply Not sure what you mean. Please be more specific where the dates are jumbled and I shall be happy to correct it if it is jumbled.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
4. Headings needs re-examination. The headings need to be based on timelines / empires and not as current.
DK Reply The headings are based on citations and opinions of historians. If you have an issue with any of the headings please point them out and we can tone it down.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
5. The article seems to indulge in self-praise. There is no contrary view of events provided. The article COULD pass as Karnataka Govt literature to promote its history.
DK Reply I am not sure what you mean by "contrary view" and "Karnataka govt. literature". All the schoars I have referred to concur to the citations I have provided. If you know of any contrary views, please bring it to the table and we can add it.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Thus, the article has major issues that needs work at this time. I will aid the author in the review mechanism and think that it needs to garner more support before being bought back to the FA candidature. These comments does not reflect on the nature of work spent on the article. Kalyan 07:19, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I shall be happy to work with you to bring this to FA. All citations are there and can be freely examined. However please be aware that I have tried to put in 1100 years of history into one page and that takes some decisions.thanks.Dineshkannambadi 12:01, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- since there is a lot of data, i shall present my concerns in the talk page. we can bring the summary of that discussion to the current page. Kalyan 13:03, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply:The attached main articles provide the territorial maps for a readers interest. A decision had to be made whether to clog up the article with maps or add colourful monuments. I choose the later. If there is consensus that maps are better than monuments, I shall be happy to provide that.
- I thinks maps are very useful. Please add maps as per the empires or better still, please show snapshots of the region at points in time. say 600 A.D / 800 A.D (the map will show multiple kingdoms in the region as well as kingdoms of other regions.
DK Reply I have a map for the empires at their peak in most cases. My books dont provide
maps at different instances during their rule and as such would be a very difficult job searching for those books that provide maps at different times in the rule of an empire. Same case with a map showing other kingdoms in their neighbourhood. Given the constant competition between adjoining Kingdoms, the constant increase and decrease of territories of any kingdom with respect to its neighbours would IMO not be available in any book.Hope this is ok.Dineshkannambadi 22:53, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Dk Reply I will request User:Mlpkr to draw them for me as he is the expert. I will provide him with the scanned pages with full citation about the book source.thanks.Dineshkannambadi 23:33, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I have requested User:Mlpkr for maps for Gangas, Bahamani and Bijapur Sultanate.May take a few days though.Dineshkannambadi 01:41, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply: The words "political" and "medieval" were intended to provide that reason. Prior to 4th century, the empires that ruled over the Karnataka region had their power centres outside the region. This is why some historians (K.V.Ramesh, Kamath, Adiga etc) see 4th century as the beginning of a political history controlled by empires that ruled from within. Also the 16th century date was chosen with a specific intent. Normally this period onwards, the history of Karnataka and for that matter India is not considered medieval. Also the intention was not to clog up too many post 16th century events (Mysore kingdom, Keladi Nayaka, Maratha invasion, Portuguese rule in coastal Karnataka, British rule, unification of Karnataka etc) into one article. So we (the Karnataka work group) discussed it (not in the peer review) and decided to make it two separate articles.
- Thatz great. Can you please add this info in the article. i think you should clearly mention in the lead para that 4th and 16th were identified as the start and end of independent kannada identity coupled with the growth of kannada culture & kingdoms. 16th century would define the change of kannada into a multiregional kingdom or the likes. i hope you see my point. In the main sections, identify the kingdoms that preceded the 4th century that controlled karnataka regions (one or many kingdoms). also in the last para, detail the environment in the post-16th century that marked the transition to modern kingdoms.
DK Reply: Sure. I will take care of this tonight.Dineshkannambadi 22:53, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Done. Added required info to LEAD, Main article first Para describing rulers prior to 4th century, last paragraph called "modern era" to describe 16th century onwards, briefly though.Dineshkannambadi 02:27, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply: The headings are based on citations and opinions of historians. If you have an issue with any of the headings please point them out and we can tone it down
- This is in conjuncture to the other point on titles. When you point out Early native kingdoms - when did they start? what was the period of their rule? were the kadamba dynasty and western ganga dynasty the only dynasties that started then? if there were others, mention them. same way, "Age of Imperlism" - when did it start? what were the main dynasties? was chalukya the only dynasty of the age? if so, why not rename it to Chalukya dynasty? what does "South conquers north"? is it south india or south karnataka? the heading needs to be specific. i hope you get my concern.
DK Reply: yes the Kadamba and Gangas were the two major entities starting from 4th century.. All other ruling clans were very minor feudal families that came under them quickly. The early native kingdoms are the Kadamba and Gangas dynasties. I will reword to remove any ambiguity. Yes the Chalukyas were the first main entity to really get imperialistic though some scholars tend to include Kadamba victories against the Vakatakas in Maharashtra region also as imperialism though that may be a stretch. I will change the heading "South conquers North" to perhaps "Rashtrakuta and their Northern conquests". Hope this is ok.Dineshkannambadi 22:53, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK-Done I have simplified the titles.Dineshkannambadi 00:15, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply: I am not sure what you mean by "contrary view" and "Karnataka govt. literature". All the schoars I have referred to concur to the citations I have provided. If you know of any contrary views, please bring it to the table and we can add it.
- I shall quote an example - "In a prolific age of literature in Kannada, Tamil and Sanskrit, the Telugu language also attained its height in popularity ...". Krishnadevaraya's reign was the golden era of telugu lang. apologies for my ignorance but i never heard of 'prolific age of kannada literature' attached to his rule. the article is filled with statements like these that are centered around kannada, kannada region and kannadigas and thus my comment. you are welcome to ignore my comment but to me, the lang of the article is clearly POV in nature. that will not however prevent me providing "Support" to the article.
DK Reply: The above statement clearly says that Kannada/Sanskrit and Tamil literature were prolific generally speaking throughout the ~225 year rule of the Empire. It also clarifies that Telugu literature was popularised by Krishnadevaraya. As such Telugu poets were not the only poets in his court, though they are very popular. Among famous Kannada poets in his court, Mallanarya of Gubbi, Timmanna Kavi, Chatu Vittalanatha standout. Vyasatirtha of Mysore was the emperor's Kulaguru (as the king writes in Jambuvati Kalyanam) and an early great carnatic composer. A recent discovery, Krishnadevaraya Dinachari in Kannada is being attributed by some scholars to the great King himself. Kannada Haridasa Sahitya and Vachana Sahitya and Sanskrit commentaries on Vedas etc. were at their own new heights, though I do agree that Telugu literature, especially under Krishnadevaraya became popular. Saying the only Telugu literature was prolific would be cutting short and doing injustice to the glory of the empire. Of all the great poets that graced the Vijayanagara court, not many are aware that only Purandaradasa had the previlage of a Mantapa of his own called Purandara mantapa (During the time of Achyuta Raya/Aliya Rama Raya, Krishnadevaraya's successors). I hope I have answered you question fully.Dineshkannambadi 23:33, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Done reworded literature in Vijayanagara Empire section for clarity.Dineshkannambadi 00:09, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I hope i provided info on what made me write my earlier comments. For all my reservation, i think the articles (incl. all attached & referred articles) are well-written. now it is just the effort to bring it to FA. Kalyan 13:26, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply The article is filled by "Kannada", "Kannadiga" and such because the article is about Karnataka and would naturally include high points in Karnataka monuments, Kannada literature and conquests by Kings who ruled from the region. However please point out where you feel I have over indulged and I am willing to tone it down. But One must accept the there is hardly a reason to write about Karnataka's history, if it does not bring out the high points about the region.Dineshkannambadi 23:40, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply-->I shall reply tonight to your comments on the FA page itself so that its visible to all reviewers. Thank you for your quick response and your guidance. Of particular interest is the Krishnadevaraya era and literature which I shall answer in detail tonight when I get home. In the meantime please find time to read the article Vijayanagara Empire Literature as it contains important info on how prolific Kannada literature was, along with Telugu and Sanskrit. Unfortunately, some historians focus on one angle which is why its important to get information from many scholars, which is what I have done. ThanksDineshkannambadi 14:14, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Issues on the burner
a) Use of term Medieval
b) Use of term Political
c) Time period described in the article and its relation to above two terms.
d) Suggestions if any to rename the article to better reflect the topic.
Dineshkannambadi 14:59, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment Using "medieval" to descrive the history of a region in South Asia is not advisable. Try finding periodization terms that are more applicable to South Asia instead of using terms intended for European history. Peter Isotalo 21:58, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Reply I will think of a suitable replacement for the word. However I would like to discuss with other reviewers and the Karnataka work group what the best wording could be.thanksDineshkannambadi 22:41, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment: can an clear explanation be provided for using "political" in the title? The article does not seem to exclusively concentrate on the politics of the area. Politics are naturally a large part of any regional history but they are not and should not be exclusively featured as the "only" history. That's why the title always throws me off when I look at it. If I could narrow down the definition of "Political" even further I would have thought the whole article deals with "elections" or "political appointments".
DK Reply the time period covered includes (after recent edits by me) an explanation of how the region became an independent political entity in the 4th century onwards and fragmented (like some other parts of India) after 16th century with the arrival of foreign powers on the scene. I have added a para at the end to explain this. So the choice was not really arbitrary.Dineshkannambadi 10:06, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Let me explain why the word Political was used. If the term Political had not been used I would have to include topics on cultural development such as women, dwell more on fine arts such as dance, music, agriculture, society in general. Here I have merely touched upon architecture, literature and languge of Administration going more in detail on conquests.
I am now going to replace the current images with "territorial maps" to better represent the topic as political.Dineshkannambadi 10:04, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment - The word "Medieval" is indeed used very commonly in the context of Indian history also. But I also think that it is unevenly used(depending on author). At the same time, I am not sure if the entire period between 4th an 16th can be called "Medieval". I'll give this further thought and give my suggestions. Sarvagnya 06:08, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I think the problem might be that the article is covering a time period that is too arbitrary. There might be a need to divide it into more manageable pieces that coincide with other historical events. Maybe even merge it with other articles. And why is the term medieval used in the first place? Is there a South Asian antiquity and Renaissance in which it actually fits? Peter Isotalo 07:30, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply The term medieval I though is used frequently in Indian books too. For example I refer to these books,
- George M. Moraes (1931), The Kadamba Kula, A History of Ancient and Medieval Karnataka.
This books covers the period in question.
- Malini Adiga (2006), The Making of Southern Karnataka: Society, Polity and Culture in the early medieval period, AD 400-1030
- Karmarkar, A.P. (1947), Cultural history of Karnataka : ancient and medieval, Karnataka
- Vaidya, C.V. [1924]. History of Mediaeval Hindu India (Being a History of India from 600 to 1200 A.D.)
The term may have been used more frequently with respect to Western or European history but that may have been because they were the ones who wrote most of the history related books in the 18th-19th century. Thereafter, historians from developing countries have increasingly written about their own histories using the term medieval. Perhaps I can change "medieval" to "ancient" or add the term "ancient" to it. But the term "ancient" itself is open ended.
As such, the History of Karnataka is only a small part of history of South Asia.Dineshkannambadi 09:58, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply The phrase "antiquity and Renaissance" mentioned by Peter Isotalo does sound interesting though.Dineshkannambadi 10:28, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Antiquity" is slightly open-ended, but the Renaissance most certainly isn't, so there's no "middle period" to insert. Again, no matter if certain authors choose to use the term "medieval" for naming their works, I would still recommend not using it. If anything, it's a rather euro-centric approach.
- Peter Isotalo 15:06, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply
How do these sound? (just throwing some ideas)
- Political Renaissance in Pre-colonial (or ancient) Karnataka
- Kingdoms of Pre-colonial Karnataka-->this is really a very general name and sounds attractive to me
- Kingdoms of ancient Karnataka
- Renaissance of polity, language and architecture in ancient (or pre-colonial) Karnataka
- Renaissance in pre-colonial (or ancient) Karnataka
More ideas are welcome.Dineshkannambadi 15:15, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Though I must confess the Renaissance is a term best suited for cultural/artistic developments which is not the major topic here.Dineshkannambadi 15:27, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Update PR archived.--Dwaipayan (talk) 18:04, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Going back on your use of "political" justification reply, you said the article "touched upon architecture, literature and languge of Administration going more in detail on conquests." I really would term such information just plainly "history" based on the standard in use on wikipedia. Take History of the United States or any "history of the [insert country]" article, none of them dwell on cultural and so forth topics but purely political and government related. As I'm sure you know such information can be put into sister articles rooted from Karnataka. I'm having a hard time understanding why this article is a special case and should be branded "political history" instead of simply "history". Not a big issue and I'm very fond of wikipedian achievements but it threw me off as a reader and I assume it would others as well. It's sort of like I'm asking "If its just political history, where is the 'other' non-political history?" 99.244.236.54
DK Reply Sounds reasonable. How does "History of Pre-colonial Karnataka" sound, since this article covers the time frame only up to 16th century. Pre-colonial implies rulers, kingdoms etc prior to arrival of westerners. Then a separte article could be created for English rule, Portuguese trade and administration in coastal Karnataka, Mysore kingdom under the British etc. all of which fall between 1600-1947.Dineshkannambadi 11:53, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Can other reviewers give their opinions please.
Dineshkannambadi 11:53, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment - My suggestions are,
- "Pre-colonial history of Karnataka"
- "Pre-colonial empires of Karnataka"
- "Pre-colonial Kannada empires"
- "Pre-colonial imperial history of Karnataka"
- "Pre-colonial native empires of Karnataka"
- Sarvagnya 16:33, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I like some of User:Sarvagnyas suggestions.
Lets boil it down to
- Pre-colonial history of Karnataka
- Pre-colonial empires of Karnataka--->This is the most specific
- History of Pre-colonial Karnataka
-Dineshkannambadi 16:55, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- COMMENT: I would like the author to take this article back to peer review and we can all have a look at the article and then bring the article to FA candidature back. This is no way a reflection on the effort made in the article. Kalyan 17:59, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Cant see what can be achieved by taking it back to PR. The way I see it, there is only one issue(that of title) that remains to be resolved and I cant see why we cant get that sorted out here(considering that we've already made some progress on that count). Taking it back to PR is totally unnecessary and a waste of time. Sarvagnya 19:10, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I am still confused on the intent of the article. The article spends a lot of time and effort on the empires and dynasties operating in modern-day Karnataka. If my conclusion is reasonable, why the last section on "kannada people outside Karnataka"? If this article was about Kannada rules in the timeline given, there will be a lot of dispute on some empires being termed kannada in nature. Thatz my issue with the article. Also, though the article was part of the Karnataka workgroup, i saw no effort from anyone except Dineshkannambadi. I think the members of the Karnataka workgroup should be more active in participating on this FAC.Kalyan 10:44, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply The small para on "Immigrants from Karnataka" is simply meant as an additional
info which is why it is restricted to 5-6 lines only.Dineshkannambadi 11:16, 17 May 2007 (UTC)
All the empires discussed had their regal capitals in modern Karnataka and used Kannada as a language of administration and patronised literature in Kannada(in addition to Sanskrit), With the exception of Vijayanagara Empire which gave importance to Kannada and Telugu. Citations for this has been provided in this article as well as the main article for each empire. Knowing the sensitive nature of this topic, I have avoided specifically calling the founders of the Vijayanagara empire even natives of Karnataka, let alone Kannadigas. This is also reflected in the main article in Vijayanagara Empire.Dineshkannambadi 11:47, 17 May 2007 (UTC)
Please be more specific when you say "some empires being termed kannada in nature". Communication between myself and the members of Karnataka work group is scattered all over our talk pages over the last few months.Dineshkannambadi 12:00, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- DK response Apart from the title, I have to satisfy a map requirement for three kingdoms. I have requested User:Mlpkr to draw them for me as he is the expert. User:Planemad,the other cartographer I know is busy. It should be ready in a few days. I have already explained the difficulty in getting maps of contemporary neighbouring kingdoms, fluctuation of territories within a kingdom etc. Any changes to format can be done easily right here. The article is strong in citations which I am confident I can defend. If required as I have mentioned earlier, tags can be added to those areas where uncertianity is deemed to exist and I shall provide citations for them. Above all, I am more than willing to cooperate with serious reviewers to take this to FA.Dineshkannambadi 19:43, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Right. The thing we have to remember is that FAs are not about 'perfection'. When an article is promoted as FA, it is never meant that there is no scope for improvement. The most important things are that it complies with the five pillars, manual of style and that it is, among other things, well cited. Maps can certainly help enhance the article and we already have some maps, except for some empires. But even without those couple of maps, I think this article is FA material. Sarvagnya 20:17, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Agree with Sarvagnya that amps unless they are basic foundation of the article can still be added after the FA article passes thru. Kalyan 10:47, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment - Yes. Looking again at my suggestions, I feel "Pre-colonial emprires of Karnataka" is best. Because, all these empires were both 'Pre-colonial' and of Karnataka(ie., were either natives of Ktaka or had the power centers of their empires in Ktaka). Sarvagnya 18:02, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment: Please refer to FA article History of Tamil Nadu. I would like you to have the same format and link to other articles as required. Kalyan 12:35, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply to comment-->Sir, the intention of this article is not to write about prehistory or colonial history as explained earlier which is why the term "Medieval" was originally used. Moreover, each user can only oppose ones.thanks.Dineshkannambadi 13:40, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Please remove the para on "Kannada Immigrants" as it started the confusion. Also, I strongly believe that merging of pre-4th century as well as post-16th century colonization would enable improve the understanding of the overall article. But that is a call you need to take as the driver of FA. If you remove the Kannada Immigrants para, i shall change my vote to support (as most of my other comments have been addressed). Kalyan 17:47, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Re to Kalyan - Where did History of Tamil Nadu come from? What does it have to do with this? What do you mean by we should follow the same format as that? Remember, this is NOT the History of Karnataka. History of Karnataka is a different article which will glean from several Karnataka history related articles. And when we get to FAing that, you can come up with your suggestions. Sarvagnya 16:53, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't want to get started on history of Karnataka. All i was implying in good faith was that reviewers would be able to support this article when they place it in context with equivalent articles. This article covers 75% or more of the data required for History of Karnataka and i see nothing wrong in coverting it (as i said earlier, it is a call of the FAC nominator / article primary owner). Moreso, i tend to use FA articles for baselining my work and thought it would be the same for you as well. but that is a call you folks need to take. Kalyan 17:51, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I cant see what confusion the few lines about immigrants from ktaka is causing. Nor can I see where you've explained yourself in that regard. Sarvagnya 18:04, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Sarvagnya - What is the objective of the article? Is it the political history of karnataka region? or kannadigas? if it is of karnataka region, the para has no place in it unless you bring in the reverse as well (non-kannada people who came in btw 4th cent and 16 th cent and established kingdoms in karnataka). if the article is about kannadigas, the title is inappropriate. Kalyan 20:00, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK's Reply The "immigrants from Karnataka" section was written as a balance to possible immigrants to the Karnataka region. We all know w.r.t Vijayanagara Empire, there is an ongoing controversy between historians whether Harihara and Bukka Raya (the founders) were natives of Karnataka or immigrants from Warangal, Andhra Pradesh. Similarly it is well known to historians that the Kalachuris were immigrants from Central India though they encouraged Kannada in a big way (1250-290). Similarly there is controversy whether the 6th century Rashtrakutas who ruled from Maharashtra were Kannadigas or not and eventually took control of the Chalukya empire in the 8th century, ruled from Karnataka and gave major push to Kannada language. What I am trying to say is that neither Kannada culture nor any other culture in India has evolved in isolation. If we are willing to accept that great Empires were built from modern Karnataka by possible immigrants, one should also accept that Kannadiga immigrants may have built empires in far away places. This is in the spirit of history and development of Indian History.Dineshkannambadi 18:20, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- DK - I am in no way underemphasising the contribution of kannadigas in indian civilization. as stated by you here, the section was intended as a retribution. as explained in my comment above, the section has no place in the current article unless you change the name of reflect that the article focuses on political history of kannadigas. Kalyan 20:00, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply -->Done. Removed section on Immigrants from Karnataka.Dineshkannambadi 21:10, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Section break
Support very well written article and comprehensively referenced. The only additional comment I have is perhaps to include a section that discusses the impact of this period on modern Karnataka. But regardless, I think this is a very well written article and is a worthy FA candidate. AreJay 03:04, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strong support - FA material any which way you look at it. Sarvagnya 04:55, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strong Support - very well written article.Nrupatunga 04:58, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support:Based on the above not so brief discussion triggered by me, i provide my support to the FAC of the article. I think this article has been well-referenced and well-written. I strongly believe that the article should be expanded as the History of Karnataka at a later instance thus providing uniformity to the topic. Kalyan 05:17, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strong Support - very well written article ,You can't get a good article than this. Good references to back up all the content.I recommend FAC 210.210.49.148 05:52, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strong Support' - Article contains strong citations and well referenced material. Good candidate for FAC. Gnanapiti 05:56, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment The article says that Vikramaditya II defeated the Kalabhras. The references I have seen indicate that the Kalabhras were driven out of the northern Tamilakam with the ascendency of the Pallava Simhavishnu.
DK Reply I will verify this again.Dineshkannambadi 00:17, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I verfied this. According to Dr K.V.Ramesh, he quotes The capture of Kanchi which symbolised in itself the cumulative power of the three traditional Kingdoms of Tamil country placed the Pandya, Chola and Kerala territories at Viramaditya II's mercy. He did not let go of the opportunity and overran those territories and also defeated the Kalabhra ruler to boot (anivarita-pratapa-prasara-pratapita-Pandya-Chola-Kerala-Kalabhra-prabhritirajanyakah). Perhaps he meant a minor Kalabhra feudatory of the Pallavas?.
Dineshkannambadi 00:44, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The section 'Modern era' seems out of place in the article dealing with the Medieval history of Karnataka.
DK Reply This section was added later at the request of Kalyan. He wanted some continuity to what happened after 16th century. Please discuss with him if this is really needed. I can remove that section as some info regarding post 16th century events are already provided in the Vijayanagara Empire section and Bahamani Sultanate section.Dineshkannambadi 00:35, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The use of terms such as 'Kanarese' and 'Tanjore' seem in my opinion non contemporary. These are colonial terms and should be replaced by 'Kannada' and 'Thanjavur'.
DK Reply I will take care of this.thanks.Dineshkannambadi
DK Reply I could not locate "Tanjore" please pinpoint.
DoneDineshkannambadi 02:13, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
If possible the maps used in this article should be made consistent. The first map showing Pulakesi's territories seems to be of a different style to the rest. - Parthi talk/contribs 22:34, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Yes. I will deal with this. I have already requested for 3 maps (Gangas and the two sultanates) and I will add this to the list.thanksDineshkannambadi 00:17, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply -->DONEDineshkannambadi 18:09, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I have made the request for a map from an experienced cartographer.Hopefully he is not too busy as I have requested four maps on the whole.Dineshkannambadi 01:40, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Done-->maps added.Dineshkannambadi 18:08, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Oppose—The writing is way below the required "professional" standard. Below, I've dissected the opening sentence to demonstrate why the whole text needs the attention of fresh eyes. Research the edit-history pages of FAs on related topics. From the edit summaries and comparisons, identify the good copy-editors. Familiarise yourself with their work, and when you ask them for a favour, show them that you've done so (it’s a form of flattery). This is a valuable investment in a collaborative framework that will serve you well in your future development of FA nominations.
- Opening sentence: "The Political history of medieval Karnataka spans from the fourth to the sixteenth centuries C.E. when those empires that emerged from the Karnataka region of India made a lasting impact on modern India."
- Why P, not p?
- Remove "from"—ungrammatical.
- Consider "16th" rather than spelling out a multi-digit number.
- Modern practice is not to dot initialisms: CE
- Comma after CE.
- "The", not "those", which is too sharp a reference, given the context (it's their first mention).
- Empires emerged from a region? Logical issue: they "evolved in" a region.
- More logic: surely these ancient empires impacted not just on "modern India", but on "India" (i.e., ever since).
Many hours' work required to get a gold star for this one. Tony 02:12, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Thanks, I will work on copy editing and finding experienced cpeditors. I used to use 16th, 15th instead of spelling it out but other reviewers in previous FA's did not like that.Dineshkannambadi 02:19, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Those reviewers probably stuck to the jokefest that is American grammar and mechanics. — Deckiller 13:17, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I have done one more round of copy edits and changed dates to numerals. Ex: sixteenth-->16th.Dineshkannambadi 16:07, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I'd like to see more than just maps. =Nichalp «Talk»= 18:54, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Would you like me to add images of monuments, sculptures?
I had them there earlier but commentd it out.Dineshkannambadi 22:14, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Done. I dont have any images for Bahamani Sultanate. I will try to locate it.Dineshkannambadi 22:54, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Further comment: I've copy-edited the lead to demonstrate why the whole text still fails 1a. The writing could be elegant and there are some potentially grand statements there, but it would require several skilled English-language and Indian culture experts to have significant input to craft it so that we can be proud of it. Tony
DK Reply Can you please suggest someone who could copy edit this to the style you are looking for. Every editor has his/her own style and it may be difficult to find someone who could write it in a style to please everyone. Or better yet, if you can find some time to copy edit this article, I could learn something from you and use it for future articles.Dineshkannambadi 14:04, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply I have requested for copy edit help from Wikipedia:WikiProject League of Copyeditors. Hopefully one of them will find time.Dineshkannambadi 22:22, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Oppose as above. The emblem [13] is claimed by the author to be self-made(!?) Clearly this is a dubious claim. How can a government symbol be self-made? The Modern era section should be removed as irrelevant. The Bijapur sultanate section talks about quite modern (post-15th century) history not the medieval history (5th to 15th centuries). So it should be removed as well. Anwar 14:56, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Sarvagnya's Reply :It is my work. 'Self made' means I photographed the emblem on Mysore palace gate myself and then cropped and 'photoshopped' using Picasa. Sarvagnya 17:49, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply-->Self made probably implies self taken photograph. I have a photograph of one taken by myself and that can be added too. The modern era was added at the request of another reviewer. If you want it removed, please find consensus with him. I cant add it for one reviewer and remove for another and keep the churn going. The Bijapur Sultanate was added becaue it started in late 15th century and this falls with in the period under discussion and is fully relevant. Please read the article carefully, the era under discussion is 4th-16th century, not 5th through 15th century.Dineshkannambadi 15:42, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - The "modern era" section however probably needs to be expanded to the legnth of some of the other sections. Also there needs to be some references and wikilinks in said section; compared to the others it looks kind of bland. The image could be placed in a more convenient location as well. Otherwise its the kind of article we have come to expect from dinesh, well researched, interesting, and "exotic" enough to pique the reader.Bakaman 21:19, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply Done adding links, citations, moving template slightly higer up. Tried other locations, did not seem to look good.Dineshkannambadi 13:28, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support Well written, cited and illustrated article. A few minor cavils/suggestions:
- On my computer, the {{History of Karnataka}} template diplays overlapping text (under both Firefox and IE7) - is this an issue for other readers too ?
- The above-mentioned template labels the period 545-1645CE as "Empires", while the article calls roughly the same period "Medieval" - if Empire is an alternate name, perhaps it should be mentioned in the lead.
- Several kingdom maps have a black dot marking a city, which I presume was the capital of the respective kingdom. However the cite name is not labeled. Also, should a "star" be used to mark the capital ?
- Karnataka is not wikilinked in the article. Is that a conscious decision ?
- Please place any responses to my comments below, rather than interleaving them with my message. I have numbered my individual comments for easy reference. Regards. Abecedare 16:06, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
DK Reply
1. I will look into the overlapping text issue on the template. It seems to overlap in my screen also. It was ok till a few days ago!!!. Ok I verified. The width was reduced for lower resolution screens by User:Nichalp.
2. We have discussed with other reviewers higher up in the FAC page regarding the actual meaning of the word "medieval". One reviewer felt the word was more applicable to European history. But the word "medieval" as used by Indian historians only emphasizes "the period" under study (in this case 4th century - 16th century). It has no connection to the usage of the word "Empire" or "Kingdom". There were many Indian Empires and Kingdoms in the "medieval" period. I have quoted many Indian historians who use the term purely from the "Period" perspective.
3.Yes, the black dot marks the regal capital. We need to reach consensus (in the India history group of cartographers) on how to mark and name the capital. This is an issue that needs to be resolved. Right now each cartographer uses a different style and a standard needs to be arrived at.
4.I will wikilink Karnataka. Not sure how that was missed.:) Thanks. Dineshkannambadi 18:12, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Strong Support - Interesting read. Very well written and well sourced article. The coverage of different empires/dynasties and the flow has been impressive. Would make a great FA. - KNM Talk 03:35, 2 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 18:03, 4 June 2007.
Self nomination: This article has met the criteria for a featured article. It is currently a Good Article and has gone through quite an upgrade to prepare for FA status. It is well-documented and NPOV. — BQZip01 — talk 02:46, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support-
But the article doesn't follows Wikipedia:Manual of Style otherwise It is very good. Sushant gupta (talk · contribs) 11:03, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Are there particular portions of the Manual of Style that you feel aren't being followed? We are certainly intending to follow the MOS. We will be happy to fix problems, but we need more guidance and what the problem might be. Thanks. Karanacs 13:57, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Question: According to the College Board, the 2010 entering freshman class consisted of 46% students in the top 10% of t... 2010 - is date correct? Gnangarra 11:21, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply - I did a double take when I read this as well. However, when I reread, I realized that the "2010 entering freshman" are the freshman of the class of 2010 or those who enrolled in 2006. --Wordbuilder 13:43, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I did reword the sentence for increased clarity. Now it reads "the freshman of the Class of 2010" Karanacs 13:57, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Its still poor prose the entering freshmen of the class of 2010 consisted of how can date in the future be referred to in the past tense? My understanding is that freshmen are in their first year. Also please dont strike or alter my questions I'll respond when I'm happy with the result. Gnangarra 01:27, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I disagree. The date in the future is not being referred to in the past tense; the freshmen are. Taking out the prepositional phrases, it reads, "... the entering freshmen consisted of..." The "class of 2010" is a title carried by that class. --Wordbuilder 02:15, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Still doesnt make any sense the article Freshman defines it as being a person in their first year, which is consistant with what I understood the term to mean. Once you substitute this for freshman it becomes "the entering first year class of 2010 consisted of..." the last time I checked the calender it was still 2007 hence the future date being refered to in the past tense with "consisted of...". Gnangarra 08:46, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The "2010" is the graduation year for the undergraduate students who enroll in 2006. Earning an undergraduate degree at a university usually takes four years, hence the "2010". Though some students complete their studies earlier or even later, they are still considered a part of the class of (enrollment year + 4 years). However, I can see how the year is confusing. I'll change it to The fall 2006 entering freshman class... to eliminate ambiguity. BlueAg09 (Talk) 09:02, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- <--..move back
- Support there still maybe a couple of minor copy edit tweaks that'll occur over the coming days, but my issues with the profile section, citations are suitably addressed. While concerns about the image placement and an alternative MOH image have been addressed temporarily. An ideal image as suggested by BQZ is obtain being by Oldag. I support the promotion of this article to FA and look forward to seeing it grace the main page in the coming months. Well done to editors of this article. Gnangarra 10:51, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment. The section headings need attention. It's troubling to see date headings with no rationale for those date ranges:
- 1.1 1870–1900
- 1.2 1900–1950
- 1.3 1950–present
- What is the meaning of this division? Give the reader some context, by using more descriptive section headings. For example, 1900–1950 discusses World War I and II, so why 1900 as the beginning of that period? What is unique or defining or descriptive about this time division that requires a separate section? 1950–present begins with a discussion of 1960, so why was 1950 the cut-off? This is the problem with defining history in articles by years, since history rarely follows our calendar — please provide descriptions that rationalize this division of the institution's history.
- I have been advocating a change in this section as well. I guess ill take initative. How about: Beginning Years, World War Period, and The University Era. ??? input? Oldag07 15:30, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Well, let's get the capitalization right per WP:MSH :-) Beginning years works. World War period would work, and what does University era mean ? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:35, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That was the most difficult one to write of them all. I guess, "university era" symbolizes the fact that A&M in this time period became a comprehensive university instead of the "agricultural and mechanical college". do you have any better suggestions?Oldag07 15:38, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have an additional motive in requesting better section headings: there is currently a problem in Dr pda's script, so that starting sections with a number doesn't allow us to check your articlehistory or prose size. I see some problems in your article history, but I can't fix them easily without Dr pda's script. I'm also concerned about the article's prose size. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 11:49, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I adjusted the headings (feel free to tweak) so I could use Dr pda's scripts to complete articlehistory and check the page size. I suspected a problem with the page size, because this article is MISERABLY hard to edit. However, the problem is not in the readable prose, which is reasonably sized per WP:LENGTH.
- Prose size (text only): 42 kB (6855 words)
- References (text only): 19 kB
- The problem is those gosh-darn (GD !!) cite templates, which are chunking up 20KB on this article — the worst example I've seen yet, making the article miserably slow to load on a cable modem, and probably impossible on dialup.
Can you all review them to make sure named refs have been used everywhere possible? I also left edit summaries about incorrect italics used in cite templates. Also, there's a problem with date consistency in the date parameter; some of them are wikilinked, others aren't, so formatting is inconsistent. Since some are linked, and different formats are used, all date parameters need to be linked (accessdate is automatically linked, while date is not, which is another stupid thing about those GD cite templates.) It's not a requirement but it sure is an irritation; if you all want this article to be accessible to people on dialup, you might want to convert some of your cite templates to manual citations — those things are awful ! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:06, 21 May 2007 (UTC) (emphasis added by — BQZip01 — talk 18:49, 21 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- Couldn't agree more to the fact that the citation templates take up a lot of space and don't work entirely as promised, but I'm not sure a manual citation will do much better. I suspect it would only take a few KB out of the mix (all the given words would still be there, just not the headings). As for the History section, the changes look good! Can we assume you support the article now? If so, can you please cross it off? (no urgency here, just asking if you're done) — BQZip01 — talk 17:46, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "I also left edit summaries about incorrect italics used in cite templates."
- I'm sorry, you left what? where? — BQZip01 — talk 17:58, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I believe I've found all instances of this and fixed the problems. Karanacs 15:58, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "Can you all review them to make sure named refs have been used everywhere possible?"
- Checked. All of them checked out and I didn't find any duplicates. If someone finds something, let us know and we'll change it ASAP. — BQZip01 — talk 18:07, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I did a systematic check of the article and found a few instances where citations could be combined or weren't referencing a previously named ref. These have now all been fixed. Karanacs 19:09, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Dates have been wikified. — BQZip01 — talk 18:49, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- As far as accessibility goes, a page of 100KB is going to take some time to load and I think people who have dial up need to accept that. I realize it does cut down on the ability to read the page somewhat, but I believe their connection speed is more of a hindrance. On top of that, it's not like the page won't load at all, just slowly. — BQZip01 — talk 18:49, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- BQ, I'm not on a dialup and the page takes too long to load. I load pages bigger than this all the time. And yes, cite templates chunk up article size FAR more than just the words — I'm not just whistlin' Dixie, I and others have looked at this issue for a long time. Please unstrike my comments above, so I can see what I still need to re-review. You don't know what an edit summary is???? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:14, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Ok, fair enough. But how much of it is the size of the article and how much is the number of images getting resized. How much is the citations getting formatted? I know I don't know and, respectfully, you don't know either. Absolutely, the citation templates are a problem, but, IMHO, this is a wikiepdia issue, not an article issue.
- Sorry about striking out the comments above (fixed). I thought the issue had been addressed to your satisfaction. I'm in the wrong here, but don't punish the article for that...please? — BQZip01 — talk 03:37, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Where exactly did you leave the edit summaries? This page? The article page? The talk page? — BQZip01 — talk 04:45, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment the last image of "Oceanography and Meteorology Building " looks so out of place both with the way its positioned and the fact thats its in the section about Medal of Honor receiptiants would it be better if the whites space alongside the list has an image of the MOH, even better a picture of Turney Leonard Aggie ring which is on display at the University after being returned to his family.Gnangarra 12:05, 21 May 2007 (UTC) please dont alter or strike my comment/questions, I'm still reviewing the article and respond to any alterations at the next opportunity. Gnangarra 01:27, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Temporary fixed this problem. need to run by the MSC to get a good picture. Oldag07 14:23, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- OldAg07, if you have a chance, you may want to run by the Former Student's Association and/or the Corps Center. They may have some picts you could use. They also have a monument with pictures of all seven together in one picture. That might be interesting. — BQZip01 — talk 20:02, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I would think this Image:Moh right.gif would be better than highlighting on individual out of the group. Will wait an see if you can get an alternative.
Comments - I previously posted these on the article’s discussion page but didn’t receive a response before the page was archived so I’m adding them here.
NPOV?
Under the "Residential life" subsection in the "Student life" section, the second paragraph refers to "the famous bar The Dixie Chicken." – Is it really famous? Before reading the article I had never heard of it.
- Replaced the phrase "the famous", with "the popular". Better? Oldag07 14:35, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
In the third paragraph of the "Notable people" section, Robert Earl Keen and Lyle Lovett are referred to as "world-renowned." – Are they world-renowned? Can this be proven?
- World-renowned, replaced with popular. Oldag07 14:38, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Also, in this same section, the word “legend/s” is used three times and the word “legendary” is used once.
- legend word removed. Oldag07 14:49, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Other - The first paragraph in "Student traditions," "Aggie Ring," reads, "For decades, though unsanctioned and often discouraged by the University, it has become an unofficial tradition among willing students to 'dunk' their newly-acquired Aggie Rings." Is the tradition unofficial or merely unsanctioned by the school? If only unsanctioned, I would remove the word "unofficial."
- Reworded the whole paragraph. please check over. removed mention that dunking was a "tradition" but instead left it up to reader's interpretation. Oldag07 15:23, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That's my 2¢. --Wordbuilder 14:11, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Looks like you took care of my concerns. --Wordbuilder 15:36, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support - The length is still a concern but I think that as much has been done as possible since the citations are adding so much. They are necessary, though. --Wordbuilder 21:01, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment Is anyone else bothered by this? This seems to be a trend; almost the entire article is cited to primary sources, from Texas A&M. Is Wiki just a PR machine for these university articles? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:17, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not bothered by it since it is a university. As such, its very nature is to provide accurate data, and citing that data should be reliable. If it was a commerical enterprise, such as a retailer or a recording artist, I would have a harder time with it. I expect some articles to be able to rely on sources provided by the article's subject (universities, governments, NASA, etc.). The recent Featured Article Ohio Wesleyan University does the same thing, so maybe it is a trend. --Wordbuilder 16:47, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I also am not bothered by it. If you are citing how many students there are, wouldn't you ask the school? Who else would keep track of that information? If you were doing an article on the United States, wouldn't you expect most of the facts and figures to come from government sources? How about information on public buildings? They also keep information in the view of the public and online in many instances. Wiki is certainly NOT a PR machine and few University articles are Featured Articles. — BQZip01 — talk 18:38, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment There are a lot of primary references, I would like to see more secondary especially on sports and history sections where you would expect more to be available, also where peacock terms are used. Citiing primary of stats on student numbers, dates, buildings etc are fine. Gnangarra 01:38, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I changed most of the history sources and many of the sports sources so that they are no longer primary sources. I could change more of the sport references, but that would require replacing a single citation with multiple citations. I haven't done that at this time because others have complained about the number of sources and the slowness of loading the page already. Do you have a suggestion on what we should do in this instance? Thanks. Karanacs 19:27, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't see any issues with it now -- it must be fixed :) Karanacs 19:09, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Yeah, that one was my bad. I accidentally put a bracket where it shouldn't have been, but didn't realize it for about ten minutes. I fixed it about an hour ago though. — BQZip01 — talk 19:54, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
<grrrr ... > someone is striking comments from other editors. Please undo it, and read the FAC instructions. Editors will strike their own comments when they consider items done. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:11, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment The level of referencing is rather excessive. Considering citation templates are also used throughout this means the article is extremely dense in excess code (and therefore more difficult to edit). I've never seen the point of repeating citations every time a fact from the source is mentioned, which the article appears to be doing, but what's stranger is that fairly straight forward fact statements are doubly referenced. If this is not justified by that fact being quite controversial it just leads to footnote dinkiness. Just like with images, more of them doesn't automatically improve the article. And why does the lead have footnotes? It's supposed to be a summary. Peter Isotalo 09:53, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for the comment. I went through the article and was able to get rid of nine references that I felt were unnecessary. I took a close look at the double references, some of which I left alone since they cite possible controversial statements, such as those in the "Rivalries" subsection. What do you mean by the lead? If you are referring to the infobox, it has enrollment figures that need to be cited. Are there any other problems/concerns with the article? BlueAg09 (Talk) 11:30, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- There's no hard policy that says "cite each figure individually or the article is unverifiable". I agree that there's a general notion sloshing around about figures somehow being harder facts than prose statements, but I don't think it's in the least merited. Figures are actually much easier to reference than prose statements since they're usually very easy to search for. The idea that figures are somehow harder facts than prose statements is obviously just a rather crude over-generalization. And I'm not really a fan of saying that any information about a controversy is per se controversial. That the statement "Texas A&M's primary rival is the University of Texas" would be questioned by anyone but POV-warriors is very unlikely.
- The lead has five footnotes, and they certainly aren't all related to figures either. Interesting that you brought the infobox up, though, because I realized that it's also supposed to be a kind of summary. So, again, why would we need multiple citations of the same uncontroversial facts in the same article?
- Peter Isotalo 13:18, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- From what I understand of the citation policy, all facts need to be referenced or are subject to be summarily removed. From Wikipedia:The perfect article, a perfect article is "is well-documented; all facts are cited from reputable sources." WP:Lead states that the lead "should be carefully sourced as appropriate." BQZip01 and I have streamlined the citations over the last day and have managed to eliminate 22 duplicates. I hesitate to remove any more because I would hate to mislead someone into thinking a fact is part of a different citation and I don't want to venture into the realm of original research. Unless there is consensus on what exactly needs to be cited and what doesn't to meet the verifiability standards, I'd prefer to leave the citations as is. Karanacs 14:44, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have to concur here. The references are not there to prevent controversy, but to provide reliability. Excess references are obviously not needed and I think we cleared them out. — BQZip01 — talk 03:40, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- As a member of Wikipedia:WikiProject Fact and Reference Check, I'd be against taking out any references. Double references are to be applauded, not condemmed. One never knows when a given source will be challended as unreliable or biases, when a web link will go dead, or when a source book goes out of print. We should encourage (but not require) multiple references to confirm each point given. If we strive for that, every piece of press on Wikipedia will applaud us for making it very easy for the reader to confirm our facts. It also gives the reader that many more references where they can go to learn more about the topic. Johntex\talk 16:15, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support I reviewed this article for its GA listing, and it has improved even since then. There are a few VERY minor fixes I would like to see, but I will not hold up my support for these; they can be easily completed, but are relatively minor issues anyways:
- Unless there is a compelling reason to do so, footnotes should come at the end of a sentance. I understand that the MOS section dealing with this is ambiguous, as several sections appear to contradict each other on this requirement; I personally think it looks better that all footnotes follow periods, as mid-sentence footnotes interupt the path of the eye across the sentance and make it harder to read. In all the places where a mid-sentance footnote is used in this article, it could easily be moved to the end of said sentance without introducing any ambiguity.
- Thanks for you support. changed references with non compound sentences. i guess could go even further, but compound sentences makes sense. we have been so aggressive with editing that we have made some stylistic changes were ignored. Thanks and Gig em.Oldag07 12:58, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Again, unless there is a compelling reason to do so, it usually isn't neccessary to footnote the lead. Since every fact in the lead should be expanded and referenced in the body of the article, there isn't really any reason to footnote each fact twice (once in the lead and once in the body). But again, this is minor and not worth holding up support.
- Done (thanks bqzip) Oldag07 22:26, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks — BQZip01 — talk 01:00, 2 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
As a whole, great job and good luck on garnering consensus to promote as an FA. You have my support.--Jayron32|talk|contribs 05:51, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support - only one thing, would like to see another sentence or two on the bonfire, mainly the loss of life and cause. It was a very important event for the campus. Joe I 17:49, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- We've fleshed out the Bonfire paragraph, with more information on the cause of the collapse and the resulting lawsuits. Karanacs 19:08, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 18:03, 4 June 2007.
Here is the second largest cat of the Americas, its page modeled after the largest. It was a something of a mess when I started on it and the expansion and reorganization have been massive. Everybody's favourite question is "when will it show up in the East?" but I have tried to deemphasize this, per due weight. Unfortunately, Can/US coverage remains over-represented. I could find very little summative info for Central and South America. Refs are primarily research abstracts and .gov pages, along with a few conservation mags and groups. "In culture" is deliberately short—no random lists, please. Thanks all, Marskell 13:22, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
One special note: there has been some debate amongst fauna editors over the capitalization. (For: an animal name is a proper noun; Against: very few sources do it.) Not to sidetrack this nomination, but a one sentence opinion from people would be appreciated. I'm still willing to be talked in to upper case. Marskell 13:34, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment — There is no mention made of a cougar's excellent tree-climbing (and tree-hopping) ability: both while hunting and when it needs to escape dogs. — RJH (talk) 21:54, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- You may have missed it: "The cougar is also adept at climbing and can even swim (although it is not strongly associated with water); its climbing ability allows the cougar to evade canine competitors." - is that acceptable? Carcharoth 00:34, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Hmm, I could have sworn that a text search on "climb" didn't find anything relevant. :-) An old trapping book happened to mention that they also hunt from ambush by leaping from trees. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 14:35, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I think we have this covered as well: "... the cougar is typically an ambush predator. It stalks through brush and trees, across ledges, or other covered spots, before delivering a powerful leap onto the back of prey and a suffocating neck bite." Marskell 14:57, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Some initial comments
- I've read the lead section, and, without looking at the rest of the article (which may contain the requested information), I have the following comments:
- "Due to historical persecution and continuing human development of cougar habitat, populations have dropped in many parts of its historical range, including almost all of eastern North America. Recent conservation efforts have allowed numbers to improve in some areas." - I know this is the lead section, but a few dates here would be nice - which parts of history are you referring to by "historical", and when exactly is "recently" (think of people reading the article in 5 or 10 years time). A "nineteenth century" or "twentieth century" sentence, plus a "early twenty-first century" sentence might help summarise the recent history.
- How would you feel about putting "(cat)" after Felidae? That would bridge the switch from Felidae in one sentence to cat in the next.
- Still in the lead section, the 'territorial' paragraph fits better if merged with the first part of the 'range' paragraph, and the 'persecution and conservation' part of the 'range' paragraph would be better as the concluding paragraph. ie. Move "Due to historical persecution and continuing human development of cougar habitat, populations have dropped in many parts of its historical range, including almost all of eastern North America. Recent conservation efforts have allowed numbers to improve in some areas." to the end of the lead section, and move the paragraph breaks as needed.
- Can you say anything in the lead about the evolution and fossil record of this animal? There is a bit in the taxonomy section, and a one or two sentence summary of that in the lead would be nice.
- In a similar vein, a brief mention of the mythological aspects in the lead would be nice. I agree that the culture mentions can be left out of the lead.
- The 'See also' link to Pumapard is a loose end that could be tidied up by covering hybrids in this article and linking from within the text. Then you can lose the 'See also' section completely.
- There are four subspecies redlinks. Is it best to create stubs for these or leave them as red-links for someone to do properly?
- Have you tried looking for free pics of cougar young? Would Image:Mountain lion kittens.jpg be acceptable? Also, mythological representations of cougars should be easy to find free pics of. I'll have a look myself, but if I don't find anything, someone should keep looking, though the mythology and culture section needs expanding as it currently feels like a bit of an afterthought.
- Haven't had time to check the references, but they look good, and the article overall looks good. Carcharoth 14:26, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have refactored the intro significantly, so you may need to read again. I'd been scratching my head about what, after defining the species, should come first. I've decided range is most important, followed by the size comparisons in the lead paragraph. I added "European colonization of the Americas" to date declining numbers, though that can probably sharpened, and expanded the mention generally. I'll date it better in the body first. I've given a nod to mythology, as well as its many names. Your pic suggestion (thx!) has been inserted.
- Ho hum, I disagree with much of the rest:
- "(cat)" after Felidae. I've debated whether to make the first sentence less formal, but decided against it. It's a mammal of the Felidae family—that's a basic scientific description on a biological topic. I can dab Felidae as "cat family," but we should give our readers credit. It's abundantly clear the cougar is a cat.
- Redlinks. I don't like token filling-in of redlinks. I wonder, in this case, what would really be said in a sub-article. Unless there's much info, they should be probably be redirected to this page.
- Can you say anything in the lead about the evolution and fossil record of this animal. Yes, we could, but once done a paragraph needs to be devoted to it. I think this over-specific. If you want one sentence, I can try to insert it somewhere.
- Thanks for the comments. I hope the change to the intro is an improvement. Marskell 18:30, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The changes to the intro have improved it. Thanks. Though I tend to think (per WP:LEAD) that the initial section should be a self-contained summary of the article, rather than just an introduction, hence I'd lump in a sentence on breeding habits as well as the evolution/fossil stuff (I'd suggest "It is thought that the common ancestor of the cougar and related cats migrated to the Americas between 8 and 8.5 million years ago", just to give an idea of the timescale. Having said that, I'm used to looking at leads for longer articles. With mid-sized articles, shorter leads are better, so I won't belabour that point.
- There are still a few date inconsistencies. Sometimes you fail to put the date of a claim or survey in the article text, and leave the reader to find it in the reference. For example:
"The cougar's total breeding population is estimated at less than 50,000 by the IUCN, with a declining trend.[2] U.S. state-level statistics are often more optimistic, suggesting cougar populations have rebounded from their nadir. In Oregon, a healthy population of 5,000 was reported in 2006, exceeding a target of 3,000.[27] California has actively sought to protect the cat and a similar number of cougars has been suggested, between 4,000 and 6,000.[28]"
- For the first and last sentences, I had to look down to the references to see that the IUCN list being referred to is the 2006 list, while the California statistic dates from 2004. For the middle sentence, you give the date in the article text as well as the reference.
- "there is on-going debate" - this sort of thing really needs a date. You can't rely on yourself or others keeping the article up-to-date. As of 2007, or a similar phrasing, is designed for this sort of thing.
- I've put some other stuff on the talk page (cultural references, I'm afraid...). I try and copyedit the article later tonight as well, as there are a few tweaks that might be better done "in the field" rather than explained on this page. Carcharoth 19:33, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Carch, I've added "although it is most closely related to smaller felines" to give a nod to taxonomy. Marskell 03:54, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment—based on the lead, there are a few lingering issues with the prose. Examples from the lead:
- "Its primary food is deer, particularly in its northern range," "northern range"?
- "it has been known to attack humans, but rarely." Perhaps..."it attacks humans only rarely" or something similar?
- "Particularly, the cougar was extirpated in almost all of eastern North America as human settlement increased." Recommend replacing "almost all" with "most". The next sentence should clarify "cougar" numbers.
- The "on-going" in "on-going debate" can be removed without changing the meaning. Same with "different" in the next sentence.
- Mostly subjective. — Deckiller 23:58, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- In reading, I think "northern range" is acceptable to denote the "northern part of its range;" however, I have changed to make it clear. Leaving "almost all" as that is the correct emphasis. I have removed improving numbers in next as I don't want to suggest that for the species in general. It now reads "Particularly, the cougar was extirpated in almost all of eastern North America as human settlement increased, although there is debate over possible recolonization." Second and fourth were changed per suggestions. Marskell 03:54, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support it could stand a copy-edit (Its primary food is deer, particularly in its northern range, but it will hunt species as small as insects and rodents, as well as large ungulates) and a few details need clarification (Cougars are smallest close to the equator, and populations increase in size as they approach the poles: the cat's size or the population size?; ...learned, individual behaviour was observed, as some cougars rarely killed bighorn sheep, while others relied heavily on the species: what learning is going on here?), but overall it is a good read and seems comprehensive. Uppercase (though I'll always argue for keeping the status quo in an established article). Yomanganitalk 00:16, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Tweaked both. The second shows that prey recognition is learned. Marskell 04:28, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from Cas Liber
- Comment nearly there but I think the FA criteria of prose is an important one and have a couple of queries:
- Subheading Physical characteristics - physical is redundant (what other types are there?), and characteristics too vague. I'd use description
- The higher end of the cougar length range equals that of the jaguar... sounds ungainly. Should be a straightforward rephrase.
- The length of adult males is typically reported at around.. why not just "Adult males are..."
- Powerful forequarters, neck, and jaw serve to grasp and hold large prey. sound notey. I'd stick a "the" in front of it.
- Excepting human beings.. umm, "Apart from.." or "Humans aside..." or something.
- In lead It is on average the second heaviest cat.. - you could lose the"on average"
- secretive - "reclusive" probably a better adjective here.
- Conservation efforts have allowed numbers to improve in.. - improve is subjective, "increase" is better.
Anyway, you've done a great job and I'll be happy to support soon. If you disagree with any of the above I am open to debate. cheers, Cas Liber | talk | contribs 02:53, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The last six have all been changed per suggestions, thx. I'll try to rephrase second but can't think of anything at the moment. On first, I don't think "Physical" is redundant at all—all sorts of words can go before "characteristics". Marskell 03:59, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
This is an extremely well-written article-- worthy of praise. The writing is clear, strong and information-rich. I really enjoyed reading it. Sean7phil 05:52, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Good! Marskell 06:04, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment: When writing about species behavior, it's often preferable to use the present tense instead of the future. This makes the prose more active and engaging for the reader without changing the meaning. For example, "it will hunt species as small as insects and rodents, as well as large ungulates" becomes "it hunts species as small as insects and rodents, as well as large ungulates" and "Female cougars will begin to mate between one-and-a-half and three years of age" becomes "Female cougars begin to mate between one-and-a-half and three years of age" (and maybe change to "enter sexual maturity"? "Begin mating" sounds like they start having coitus and never stop . . .) Perhaps a good copy edit is in order? — Brian (talk) 06:28, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- It's not exactly the future when used like this, but a kind of perfective grammatical aspect. Or something like that. In any case, I over-use it and have audited most instances out. Marskell 12:42, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - following the light copyediting, I am supporting this well-written article. It is a pleasure to read and a good introduction to the subject. It would be nice to have more on the Central and South American populations, so that should be an ongoing task for the editors of this article. Carcharoth 17:09, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- It was night and day: all sorts of American and Canadian info, and an absolute dearth of southern stuff. And, unfortunately, the Spanish and Portugese Wiki pages are just-past-stub, so nothing to raid there. All in good time, I hope. Marskell 20:10, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I found a lot of info at this site which comes up with a search on Venezuela; I didn't check if it's a reliable source. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 23:13, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Tim, I spent 20 minutes providing examples of problems and then my connection failed, taking my work with it. I think fresh eyes are required to iron out problems in the writing. Some of these are logical issues. One or two people who've worked on the language of animal articles might be willing. Tony 14:20, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment
The main picture has some kind of licensing problem and is scheduled to be deleted. I can copyedit the article, however I'm really busy for the next few days so it may take a while. Kla'quot 08:26, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Clay, I took care of your fact request. Thank you for the ce run through. Dammit, if that picture goes—I think it's gorgeous. Marskell 22:45, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Great. I'm still in the midst of copyediting and will drop a note here when I think it's done. Perhaps someone could contact the copyright holder of the photo and ask if they are willing to license it under Creative Commons or GFDL? People are often very willing to free-license a photo if someone asks nicely. Cheers, Kla'quot 04:57, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I think the article is very good.
I'm still working on the copyedit though, and I think the Taxonomy section needs quite a bit of cleanup to make it more understandable to a layperson. I'll take a shot at it using our friends Jaguar and Common Raven as models. Unfortunately, I believe the licensing problem with the main picture is also a showstopper for FA status. Can someone take an action item to either secure a free license for it, or upload a free replacement? Kla'quot 16:28, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Also regarding pictures, the article could use more pictures of cougars and cougar tracks. There are some very good free-licensed photos here: http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=mountain+lion&l=commderiv&ct=0 . We could also hit up the owners of these photos here for a release: http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=mountain%20lion&w=all . Kla'quot 16:38, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks Kla'quot. I'd noticed your removal of certain technical items—"sympatric," "intraspecific," "morbidity" etc. I'm somewhat ambivalent. Jargon should be avoided in the lead, hence I'll take "extinct" over "extirpated," though extirpated is more proper in context, as near as I can tell. But I don't want to remove these items completely—you should receive a small education when you read a Wiki page, which includes new vocabulary. One way to put it: I'm a complete amateur, and I can understand the terms after some reading. I don't think taxonomy is a problem, for instance (though I would say that, because I don't have fresh eyes on the writing.)
- You're welcome. As for the technical terms, my general feeling is that if there's a concept that the term represents, such as crepuscular, it's worth including. Otherwise, teaching the term tends to break the flow. It's not a big deal though - I'm sure we can work these details out and the issue shouldn't affect FA status. Kla'quot 06:04, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have shuffled the pic out for the timebeing, and will send off an e-mail regarding it (I've generally had luck with that). I'll check your links for others. Cheers, Marskell 18:52, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Ack. The links are censored for me (UAE). Could you upload any you think useful? Marskell 19:00, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Working on it. Dude, you should move back to Canada, we let people look at Flickr here! Kla'quot 06:05, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Great work on the pics. Some sort of collar is just visible in the top one, but otherwise it's beautiful. Marskell 15:28, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Another comment: Something should be added about the vocal behaviour of the cougar. It can't roar, but I believe it can purr, call, and hiss. Kla'quot 17:28, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thx, done. It had been in the back of my head to add it. Marskell 15:31, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support I've given the article a copyedit. As far as I can tell, it is factually accurate and based on high-quality sources. I have found it to be very interesting and enjoyable to read. Kla'quot 00:05, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 18:03, 4 June 2007.
- previous FAC
I believe this article now passes the FA criteria. Epbr123 09:33, 21 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Fixes needed Excessive citations. A ref tag after every single sentance is excessive. For example:
- The first paragraph of "Geography and Climate" is referenced to a single source, cite#3. Just reference it at the end of the paragraph.
- The second paragraph of the same section is referenced to the same source, with the exception of the statement cite#13. I see no reason to NOT simply cite them both at the end of the paragraph. These sections are uncontroversial, and the sentances these ref tags follow are unlikely to be specifically challenged, so simply citing at the end of the paragraph is sufficient.
- First paragraph of "Sports", same problem.
- Several parts of "Economy", same problem.
Overall, this is a very good article, and while one can appreciate the thoroughness of the reference, it is possible to be thorough, and still well organized. UNLESS a specific statement is likely to be controversial, it is probably sufficient, especially from a readability standpoint, to reference at the end of a paragraph, especially in cases where the entire paragraph comes from one source. As a counter-example, the section on Pop Culture is appropriately referenced, since one would want to know where the information on each TV show came from. However, in the examples above, citing at the end of the paragraph is unambiguous and improves readability.--Jayron32|talk|contribs 15:57, 21 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support All fixes done. Looks great now! --Jayron32|talk|contribs 17:18, 23 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose. Problems throughout with wikilinking. Single years are not wikilinked, nor are common terms (see WP:MOSNUM and WP:CONTEXT). Also, pls read WP:DASH and fix throughout. Footnotes are not completed; several are missing full biblio info like date of publication and/or author when available (see WP:CITE/ES). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:09, 4 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose—1a, but it's otherwise good and worth saving. Someone else to copy-edit the whole text, please.
- "The town rose to prominence as a seaside resort during the early 19th century after the building of a pleasure pier and promenade by a group of London investors and reached its heyday in the late Victorian era." The use of commas is partly a personal preference, but really, our readers will find it easier to read with one after "investors" (there are two "ands" in the sentence).
- A bay lying along the coast? Unidiomatic, and right at the opening.
- Why are "oysters" and "clock tower" linked? We do speak English. If the first were piped, say, to "Oyster farming in South east England", fine. But it's not Wiktionary. Please audit throughout.
- "the last few years"—what, before the great flood? "Past".
- "purpose built"—hyphen please. Maybe also for "second longest", in BrEng. Tony 00:58, 6 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Further comment on the writing. Well, yes, some work has been done on it, but not enough. Research the edit-history pages of FAs on related topics. From the edit summaries and comparisons, identify the good copy-editors. Familiarise yourself with their work, and when you ask them for a favour, show them that you've done so (it’s a form of flattery). This is a valuable investment in a collaborative framework that will serve you well in your future development of FA nominations. I see that fresh information has been added in one place:
- "... 14%. 12% of the town's residents aged 16-74 had a higher education qualification or the equivalent, compared to 20% nationwide. According to Office for National Statistics model-based estimates, during the period of April 2001 to March 2002 the average gross weekly income of households in Herne Bay area wards was £516 (£26,906 per year)."
- Percentages jangling.
- Use en dashes for ranges (16–74); it's correct at the start of the para, though.
- Compared with for contrasts.
- Is "wards" necessary?
More work required to get a gold star. Tony 01:53, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm still awaiting a third party copy-edit by the LoCE. There's a huge backlog there as well. Anyway, your decision whether to support or oppose shouldn't depend on someone else's decision. Epbr123 18:14, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment- yeah, this one needs a bit of work in some sections. I'll try to list some:
- Para 3 of Economy sounds weird as it sounds like it slips into the point of view of the council. Need to somehow itemise concerns...The concerns included... Tricky as you have to make it avoid sounding listy. cheers, Cas Liber | talk | contribs 13:42, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have reworded that paragraph. --Epbr123 14:13, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment. I have several comments to do with the quality of the prose:
Looking through History, I'm confused by this phrase "The word herne is etymologically a place on a corner of land and it evolved from the Old English word hyrne, meaning angle or corner." The word "etymologically" sounds awkward in this context, and the phrase itself is not clear; "a place on a corner of land" is surely only stating the meaning of the word? To me, it seems like the etymology is in the second part of the sentence.
This sentence could be rephrased: "Herne Bay was officially established as a separate town from Herne by an Act of Parliament in 1833." Perhaps "In 1833, an Act of Parliament established Herne Bay and Herne as separate towns." Your choice as to whether it reads better though.
More comma usage would be nice - I find sentences such as "Herne Bay railway station is on the Chatham Main Line which runs between Ramsgate in East Kent and London Victoria" reads better as "Herne Bay railway station is on the Chatham Main Line, which runs between Ramsgate in East Kent and London Victoria." I notice several sentences where commas would make the sentence a little easier to parse.
Does the fact that "Whitstable is famous for its oysters" need to be mentioned in the lead? (Reading it, I wondered what Whitstable's oyster prowress had to do with Herne Bay).
- I'll add more comments as I go through the text. In terms of content, it's a really good article.
- I think I have fixed the problems you have listed so far. Epbr123 14:28, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Indeed.
After changing the oysters sentence, is Herne Bay, Kent, famous for its oysters? It doesn't seem to be mentioned anywhere else in the text. CloudNine 15:10, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That has now been removed. It was left in error when I cut and pasted the Whitstable part. Epbr123 15:14, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Some of these band's members met at school in Canterbury but were residents of Herne Bay." That phrase indicates a single band, whereas the sentence above talks about multiple bands. It needs a little clarification in my opinion.
- Done. Epbr123 15:21, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The phrasing still sounds a little awkward, "bands'" doesn't read well. I feel that the sentence needs rephrasing. CloudNine 18:49, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Why include the date of images in the captions? In my view, such information is more suited to the image summary page, and it doesn't make for a "succinct caption". (criteria 3) CloudNine 15:24, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The dates have been removed. Epbr123 15:30, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Some of the details of "Famous Residents" could be reduced. Do we need to know that Bob Holness moved from South Africa to Herne Bay, or that Daniel Tammet broke a European record? In my opinion, a cursory mention of who the subject is suffices (I assume that if the reader's curious, they'll click on a wikilink). CloudNine 18:52, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Thanet"? Where's that? "During the 1840s, steamboats began running between Herne Bay and London. Both Thanet and Herne Bay had a type of beach boat unique to the area, known as the Thanet wherry,". This phrasing made me think that Thanet was a part of London.
- "
In 1910, a pavilion was added to the landward end of the pier, and in 1912, the first "Brides in the Bath" murder by George Joseph Smith was committed in Herne Bay." The way it's been phrased makes it sound like the two are related, which I doubt they are. CloudNine 20:37, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed, I think. Epbr123 20:48, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support After a deluge of comments and copyediting by myself, I'll support. One small bit of advice, however, is to upload your free images to Wikimedia Commons, so that other wiki-projects (such as Wikipedia in other languages) can use them, and place a {{Commons}} box in the External Links section. CloudNine 10:56, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Withdrawing oppose. At the opening, kilometres should come first, with US equivalents in parentheses—not vice versa (this is very much a current measurement, unlike the historical "18 ft" that comes later - there, metric equivalents would be nice). Note that "lead" is a metal, not the past tense of the verb. I've copy-edited the first bit. Overlinked IMO. Tony 02:39, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose again. Because of the issues I found at Birchington-on-Sea, I'm revisiting this nomination.
- Same capitalization questions and issues as at Birchington-on-Sea — please check throughout all articles (is Local Elections capped or not, for example?)
- Similar to other article, don't understand the choice to wikilink some terms and not others, per WP:CONTEXT, for example: As of the 2001 census, the industry of employment of residents of Herne Bay was 19% retail, 14% health and social work, 11% manufacturing, 10% construction, 9% real estate, 8% education, 8% transport and communications, 5% public administration, 5% hotels and restaurants, 4% finance, 1% agriculture and 5% other community, social or personal services. Compared to national figures, the town had a relatively high number of workers in the construction and health and social care industries and a relatively low number in manufacturing and real estate.
Because many of these items are probably similar across your five noms, I'll review the remaining three after these two (Herne Bay and Birchington-on-Sea) are addressed. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:42, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Back for another look; it looks like most of that has been addressed, but some of the changes have introduced/furthered the copyedit needs. I saw:
- It has still not been rebuilt since due to the cost, although residents and businesses in the town have campaigned for its restoration.
- Another noticeable landmark is a concrete funnel-shaped water tower overlooking Herne Bay from the top of Mickleburgh Hill, which has since become used just a base for radio transmitters.
And I'm not sure you didn't unlink too much in the Transport links section (will leave that to your discretion per WP:CONTEXT) ? With one more copyedit pass, I think you'll be there. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:28, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I have now carried out a thorough copy-edit. Epbr123 13:58, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm striking my oppose as all of these issues appear to have been addressed. I see a few lingering things that should be corrected and you should watch out for in other articles, example: To date, it has not been rebuilt due to the cost; however, residents and businesses in the town have campaigned for its restoration. "To date" will lose meaning over time on Wikipedia, so more enduring phrases should be used (As of early 2007, or something to that effect). Think in terms of how the articles will endure if you never edit them again and someone else picks up the work somewhere down the road. Nice work! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:50, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 18:03, 4 June 2007.
I wish to nominate current peer reviewed Good Article "Eyes of the Insane" as a Featured Article Candidate, which is an album track by Californian heavy metal act Slayer. Editors suggestions have helped improve the article (can any of those contributors who wish to comment on this FAC and / or vote please make the fact clear they've been contributors to the article when commenting / voting?.. thanks), while copyedits from Wikipedians have smoothened the article's prose. While the article seems short somewhat, I feel it's comprehensive in that it draws upon all the information currently available on the topic. The song remains relatively undiscussed from a critical stance thus far (it came out in mid / late 2006), and isn't well known to heavy metal music audiences compared to other metal tracks such as "Angel of Death", "Run to the Hills" etc. Even though it was issued in single format, no chart site contains information on the amount of copies sold or any known chart positions (metal singles, if issued at all, rarely make the charts) though if anyone has information it is greatly welcomed. All feedback is welcomed and thanked for in advance. I hope the article proves to be a good read. LuciferMorgan 02:02, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your support, which is warmly welcomed. LuciferMorgan 15:00, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support I see nothing that causes me to have any objection to this at all. Prose is compelling; follows MOS and relevent Music Article organization guidelines, well referenced, and uses images well. Good job! --Jayron32|talk|contribs 04:45, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks! I'm glad you feel it conforms to the criteria. LuciferMorgan 15:25, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your support. LuciferMorgan 19:39, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Neutral The article seems on the short side to be considered comprehensive, though I realize length and comprehensiveness aren't the same thing. My guess is that this is about as thorough as the available references will allow, but is there any information available about how many copies it sold? (I'm also assuming it didn't chart anywhere.) Also, there are some minor formatting issues:
- I agree with you the article seems to be a bit on the short side, which is something a little annoying for me. If the topic was better covered by the press than it is at present, then I would definitely expand upon the article. It's something I pondered about before going to FAC, though I read the 1b criteria and feel the article doesn't neglect the major facts and details. This is, as you say, about as thorough as the available referencs currently allow. I'm hoping this first ever English Slayer bio will throw up some info when it's released later in the year. :) LuciferMorgan 11:45, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Unfortunately I cannot find any information on the amount of copies it sold, and if it charted anywhere. In the world of heavy metal singles are rare, so this information not being available usually comes with the territory. If it ever pops up anywhere though I pledge to add it to the article. LuciferMorgan 11:45, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
these new songs (from the Christ Illusion album) aren't political at all: "Jihad", "Eyes of the Insane": brackets should be used instead of parentheses if the contents weren't in the original quote, Jihad and Eyes of the Insane should only be in single quotation marks
Peter Atkinson of KNAC.com felt that "Eyes of the Insane" offers a post-traumatic sequel to "Mandatory Suicide", again with a soundtrack that recalls the original, but boasting a couple truly mammoth hooks that do shake things up.": not sure where the quote actually starts
- I've fixed this. LuciferMorgan 11:33, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
""Eyes of the Insane" and "Catatonic" both have that slow, grinding feeling of doom that the band has done so well before on classics like 'Dead Skin Mask'.": Eyes of the Insane and Catatonic should be in single quotation marks instead of double
"one of the poorest representations of us (Slayer) on the record (Christ Illusion)": brackets should be used instead of parentheses if the contents weren't in the original quote ShadowHalo 11:19, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for taking a look at the article, which is very much appreciated. LuciferMorgan 11:45, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the support. It's just a shame it isn't a more popular topic, as then the amount of material available would've allowed for a much lengthier article. Let's hope someone will unearth more info in time to come... LuciferMorgan 11:53, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strongly oppose as an example of the sort of overnoted disaster that GA produces. Footnote 1, for example, is the source for most of a paragraph; but is there one note at the end of the paragraph saying this, as there would be in any decently produced book or article? No; there are four footnotes, leading the same place, at the end of each sentence. . Furthermore, what is the source? An interview at a fan website. Is this a reliable source? Failing that, is it the best we can get? What is to convince a reader that it is either? Septentrionalis PMAnderson 19:54, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I strongly disagree with PMAnderson above, and have no intention of acting upon his inactionable oppose. I also strongly believe this to be baiting also. Please read the following;
- His reply to when I nominated a Maths article for Good Article Review
- An ANI is made against me
- His reply after someone made an ANI report against me regarding me telling PManderson I wouldn't allow him to run me down all over Wikipedia
- Yet another instance where he's baiting me
- Also read WIkipedia talk:Good articles
This oppose is due to the fact I nominated a Maths article for GAR and heavily disagree with his citation style. This is WP:POINT, is trolling, and I request that I do not have to reply any more to PMAnderson's bad faith oppose as it disrupts Wikipedia. Furthermore, I don't want the trouble that'll arise from replying to PMAnderson's baiting. LuciferMorgan 20:54, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
In reply to "an interview at a fansite", this is inaccurate since this is a first hand interview the website conducted with Slayer's vocalist Tom Araya, the person who wrote the lyrics to the song. I take the word of lead singer Tom Araya as regards his inspiration for writing the song over any other supposed "critic" and believe it to be a valid source. So yes this is a reliable source, and yes this is the best we can get since the article even quotes from the interview - all quotes from an interview are exclusive to that specific interview so cannot be used from anywhere else. LuciferMorgan 21:32, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply: I congratulate LuciferMorgan on his feat of mindreading; it is unfortunate that he is mistaken. I looked at this article to see what sort of GA's were being proposed to FA; I object to its promotion because it is clogged with useless and unsightly footnote tags. As for LuciferMorgan's justification of footnote 1: those claims, sourced, belong in the article, not here. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 23:25, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- You looked at this article not because to "see what sort of GA's were being proposed" - that's a blatant lie, and don't insult the intelligence of everyone else around here. The reason you checked this specific one was because I am the nominator, nothing more and nothing less as has been proved by your recent edit history. There are other GA being nominated, but conveniently enough you chose this one. It's WP:POINT, it's disruptive to this FAC and FAC as a whole, and it should be stopped. If you wish to debate the 1c criterion of FA criteria please do so on the FA criteria talk page and not here. I have no time for people wasting time here like you are.
- This uncivil (and evidence-free) personal attack raises the question of whether LuciferMorgan has the temperament for Wikipedia; I gather this has come up before. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:59, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Uncivil personal attack? You just called LuciferMorgan "Illiterate" in your edit summary for the above comment. I believe him to be a respected contributor to the GA and FA processes, and it is painfully obvious you are following him, which would, IMO, make you objections inactionable as well. I'm sure Raul is smart enough to see through that and I applaud LM for keeping a level head and not stooping to this level of provocation. Cricket02 18:23, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- No, I called the footnoting style illiterate, three comments below, beginning Nonsense, and it is. As for LuciferMorgan's claims that he is being baited: I did observe, and do here, that he attempted to fail an article from GA because it didn't use the template of his choice in its footnotes; something not in the GA standards. If he can't play by the rules, he should expect other editors to notice, as other editors have here, and here. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 19:28, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- As concerns "claims", they're not claims. They're facts - I think a lyricist actually knows what inspired him to write the lyrics to one of his own songs. They're already cited and sourced in the article PMAnderson. Furthermore, please actually state which part of the FA criteria you object to. These "unsightly footnote tags" you refer to are inline citations, and are used so that the article meets criterion 1. c. LuciferMorgan 23:38, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- With regards to Mr. Andersons's characterization of footnote tags as "unsightly:" Wikipedia is an academic endeavour; as such asthetic concerns should take a secondary role to Academic rigor. The article clearly uses footnotes correctly and is referenced at a level that consensus has long determined as reasonable for a Good or Featured article. Also, I would endorse Lucifer's concerns about Mr. Andersen's behavior. Checking his recent contribs, most of his time recently has been spent taking specifically contrary positions to anything LuciferMorgan does or says. This may be coincidence, but it is getting harder to maintain good faith that it is. --Jayron32|talk|contribs 04:51, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Nonsense. This is not academic usage; it is a parody. Please supply an example of an academic paper which consistently uses two footnotes on a single sentence. (It is possible, given Yannismarou's usage, that this is European; but if so, it is inappropriate to this article.)
- More seriously, give an example of any paper anywhere which uses the same footnote on five consecutive sentences, as this article does. This is laughable and illiterate. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:59, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments While this Anderson character may be acting in bad faith, I feel his concern about references is valid (though certainly not enough to warrant a strong object...). There are some instances in the article where the same references are used sentence after sentence. I think this could be shortened to just put the reference at the end of the section rather than having it at the end of every sentence. Also, in the music and structure section, I feel some of the very descriptive language should be put in quotations: 'intensely harrowing, angular and descending riff' or 'towering chorus' for example. Finally, the origins sections (which, just as a random side thought, I think could be renamed inspiration or something like that, if you so desire), could be condensed. I know the article is already pretty short, but it just seems overly descriptive: 'Araya left his baggage at the hotel to attend the rehearsals' for example. Anyway, the article is interesting and flows well; these are mainly minor quibbles. Nathanalex 05:14, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for taking a look at the article Nathanalex. Your edits to the text have improved it's overall flow, so I'm grateful. The problem with putting the descriptive bits in quotations is that they were pooled from various sources (the reason why it's heavily cited), so instead of one quote you'd get 8-9-10 or whatever. In that section, when a cite is at the end of a word it means that specific word was taken from that specific article.
- I concur with PMAnderson that the citation of this article is a bit ridiculous. How is it helpful to put five footnotes to the same source within a two-sentence, 40-word passage (see the citations of the Thom Jurek review)? Lucifer, do you really believe that the reader needs to be reminded of the source every eight words? Christopher Parham (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- When citing, I usually follow the third rule of Yannismarou's guide Ten rules to make an article FA. If a sentence is cited more than once, it's because more than one source was used in that sentence. This is particularly prevalent in the "Musical structure" section - this I believe is likely the section you take issue with Christopher (correct me if you wish in the event of me being wrong). Ideally, within that section I would prefer to put citations 5 and 6 at the end of that second sentence which seems clogged somewhat - the reason I haven't yet is due to the fact that sometimes people tend to question verifiability on specific words, and that's why I've gone a little overboard in that first sentence. Being someone who's spent time at FAR, I'm perfectly aware of the tendency to add cite tags to specific sentences, and I wish to avoid that with this article and not be called up to . Per consensus here and elsewhere though, I've rounded up those cites in the second sentence to the end of the sentence. I hope this goes to appease people somewhat. LuciferMorgan 08:31, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment. I agree with PManderson, that this section is cited in an odd way. I just don't see the point of citing five consecutive sentences to the same source. (And that three of those sentences start "Araya"+verb does not help the prose.) Also, per Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(capital_letters)#All_caps, do not use all-caps in the titles of articles cited, even if that's how the article typeset it. Also, isn't blabbermouth.net basically a collection of news blurbs submitted by anybody? If so, it doesn't seem like a particularly reliable source. Gimmetrow 20:05, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Note that blabbermouth citations constitute 17 of the 46 refs at the moment. Their reliability is not a trivial issue. Grammy info should ideally be cited to http://www.grammy.com, or failing that you could use http://www.rockonthenet.com/archive/2007/grammys.htm And please fix the MOS issues. Gimmetrow 02:18, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I added a Grammy.com source and fixed the MOS Issues. M3tal H3ad 03:13, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't think it's cited in an odd way at all. As concerns Blabbermouth being 17 of the 46 refs, it is because they provide the most information on heavy metal music and it worked for two previous FAs - the information cannot be found anywhere else. Their reliability isn't in question as far as I am concerned - they base their info on press releases etc. The ability to send emails via the website is used for webzines to have their interviews excerpted, and for much smaller bands to get their news on the website. It is a reliable source in my opinion. I wouldn't use an unreliable source to cite articles. LuciferMorgan 10:25, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I know nothing about this subject whatever, but what the hey: Support. It seems OK to me in the absence of hard-copy sources. Perhaps the external link could be formatted with a citation template, and the link to the wikipedia article on Blabbermouth moved to its first mention? DrKiernan 14:21, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your support. Could you tell me where to Blabbermouth's first mention is? I cannot find it, unless it's the one already linked. LuciferMorgan 15:32, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I've now made an attempt to reduce the amount of consecutive citations. I hope this appeases everyone's concerns. LuciferMorgan 15:32, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- It's an improvement; but there is no need to cite any footnote twice in succession in the same paragraph; and some of these sources could still be improved. For example, our article on the nominees for the 49th Grammy awards cites their own website; this is more reliable than the source here, which is a crystal-ball article from Blabbermouth (which cites the same site). There should also be relevant newspaper articles for most of this. Make mine Oppose, as noted above. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:21, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The "crystal ball article" comment is rather inaccurate; a crystal ball article has to try predicting things from the future, not actually report present day, truthful news.
- There are no relevant newspaper articles for most of this; "there should", but there isn't. Newspapers tend to report on who's won which Grammy in the R&B and Pop categories, and which mainstream Rock bands won which award. Aside from reporting on who won what (which is obligatory), newspaper articles do not go in depth on whoever won the Best Metal Performance. Put simply, they don't care.
- As concerns Grammy.com being more authorative on saying who one what Grammy, I agree. The citation concerning the fact they were nominated now uses the Grammy.com list as opposed to Blabbermouth.net. The sentence concerning the nominees doesn't though since the Grammy.com list doesn't say where the event was held. LuciferMorgan 17:43, 1 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment (leaning towards object): This seems to be more references than text. I am confused why the author feels this FAC [14] is over reffed and why his own is not. Some phrases are completely mystifying to me, what for example is a "harrowing, angular and descending riff "? and "to the refrain and bridge, before resolving" what exactly is a "bridge" in this context? In fact the whole of the "Music and structure" section needs to be written so that those unfamiliar with the language of popular music can understand it. Giano 06:59, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- There are not more references than text - this article uses all the sources it can on a minor topic, and in my opinion fully satisfies criterion 1. b. and criterion 1. c.
- I don't understand why you are confused at all to be honest; Horace François Bastien Sébastiani de La Porta cites non controversial statements two or three times, where as this article cites only a statement once, and even that has been cut down. So the confusion is wholly misfounded, and I fail to understand how or why someone can even compare this article to that one. Now that's the real confusing bit in my opinion. That's like comparing apples and oranges, and in fact I don't feel your comment is at all warranted nor justified.
Oppose incomprehensible as defined above, Undecided. The clarity and explanation of the musical terms is much improved. However, the article does not mention which key the composition is in, which in unacceptable for a FA on a musical composition. Giano 10:57, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll see if I can find out which key its in for you, and'll get back to you when I have news Giano. LuciferMorgan 18:55, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Unfortunately, some tabs say the song is in drop B while others say it's in C. Does anyone know what I should do in this case? LuciferMorgan 07:25, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Different movements can be in differing keys, but there should be one persistant returning principal key. "Drop B"? That would be unusual and very signoficant and need to be in the article - if it is a miserable piece it could well be in "B minor". If references are confused between C and B maybe it is in "C flat major" but that could make it a difficult piece to play. So it is quite important to know. Giano 08:02, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll dig further and see if I can answer your question. Let's hope so. LuciferMorgan 08:47, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- If I had a guitar to hand I could tell you after about 4 seconds of original research; but I'm travelling, and I don't have one with me. I've trawled 20 pages of google search results, but there is no online source for this. The closest match is one reviewer complaining that the last three Slayer albums are all played in the same key, and this is typical of metal. The song is based on discordant guitar riffs buliding on a simple pattern, finalising with a climatic key change; which the article at present explains. But its unlikely that any music journalists went to the trouble of writing down which keys those were. More than likely the root is B minor. Ceoil 13:10, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Well the sheet music must be available to look at, which would be pretty definitive. I suspect it is B-minor too especially if the music is said to be "harrowing" and have climatic key changing. However, one would have a better idea of it if we knew what this climatic key changing was, it would also be very intresting to the aritcle's musical section if it were drop B with climatic key changing as it would be of great intrest to know what key it dramaticaly changes too after drop B. If as Lucifer suggests it is in C, I don't see unless it is in tempo largo what could be harrowing about C. A musical page must discuss the music in just a little depth. Giano 18:12, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- This source says the song is in drop B. It's user submitted, so I don't think it can be used as a source. It has the sheet music there though if anyone wishes to read it (I can't read music personally). As concerns me mentioning C, it was just a response I got on my talk page from M3tal H3ad saying its either that or drop B. Does that page solve the mystery in any way, or should I continue digging? LuciferMorgan 18:23, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The change to the chorus utilises Diablo En Musica. The metal press does not mention this kind of thing very often, but the sheet music might. Ceoil 18:27, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That is not the sheet music - so I can't tell. That page does mention "drop B" so we can probably assume it is, from what I can tell from that page, there are a lot of flats etc - so perhaps Drop B should be explained and why it is is discordent to so many notes, and also why it such an unusual key. I may be wrong but I think it is unique to guitar so perhaps that should be explained - rather like the original score of "Danse Macabre" something so unusual in music should be explained. Giano 18:36, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- If this is an example of scordatura, which seems likely, then I think this has to be mentioned and explained on the page. I think this is quite a good opportunity to explore this music now at a diferent level. Giano 20:59, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll try finding out all this information, as it does indeed sound like a good opportunity and it's rather interesting. It indeed strengthen this FA (Raul654 has promoted it but the Gimmebot hasn't archived this page yet). LuciferMorgan 21:25, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I never heard the word scordatura before, but reading up, thats exactly what it is. All the guitar strings are downtuned, and the first 3 q's of the song are a coda leading to the pay off final chord change. Ceoil 23:00, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- As concerns the "Musical structure" section, I do not feel it can be rewritten (nor does it have to be) at all as it is simple as it can be. Furthermore, this is the kind of thing most expect of song FAs. For example, this is the opening paragraph of the "Music and structure" section from an FA promoted 2 days ago;
- "Rich Girl" is a ragga song composed in the key of C minor.[7] It is written in common time and moves at a moderate 100 beats per minute.[7] The beat is accompanied by an alternating perfect fifth dyad and an accented piano trichord.[7][8] The song is written in verse-chorus form,[7] and its instrumentation includes the electronic keyboard, guitar, and keyboard bass.[9]
- These are sections you'd find in typical song FAs, and people tend to object if such a section isn't present. On that basis, I'm not rewriting the "Musical structure" section as I feel it would make the article less FA worthy, and I feel your comments do not have any valid basis for an objection. LuciferMorgan 08:39, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I think the point is that terms such as "bridge" etc need to be explained or wiki linked, and that phrases like "harrowing" are subjective and should be in quotes. Anyhow the section has been ce'd.Ceoil 11:32, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I can understand it from that perspective Ceoil, though you and M3tal H3ad seem to have done a fine job on that section. For that, I thank you very much. LuciferMorgan 15:00, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- It was all Ceoil really, i added just added a link to bridge. M3tal H3ad 04:41, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
PMAnderson has voted oppose 3 times in bold now - this isn't allowed, so can someone please unbold 2 of PMAnderson's 3 opposes? PMAnderson can only register 1 vote at 1 specific time, not 3. This will then make things easier for Raul654 when he comes to make a decision on the article. Thanks LuciferMorgan 08:55, 3 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose until Pmanderson's concerns are addressed. Epbr123 16:58, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- These phantom "concerns" already been met, and are inactionable. Not to mention just due to the fact I annoyed him at GAR, and which are devised to get on my nerves. LuciferMorgan 17:56, 4 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 02:07, 1 June 2007.
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Currently a good article, this one has been thoroughly reviewed by numerous editors, including experts in the field. I am one of the main contributors. Jehochman (talk/contrib) 19:18, 6 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- "SEO is marketing by understanding how search algorithms work and what human visitors might search for, to help match those visitors with sites offering what they are interested in finding." This sentence is very awkward; "is marketing" is confusing because of the possibility of reading "marketing" as a noun or a verb. It appears to be used as a verb, but the marketing article treats it as a noun.--ragesoss 20:19, 6 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've reworked that sentence. Jehochman (talk/contrib) 02:27, 7 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks, we will fix that. Jehochman (talk/contrib) 16:14, 7 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- (huff, puff) Okay, I've standardized all the references, updated a few of them, and added a few more to cover the latest news. Jehochman (talk/contrib) 07:21, 9 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Weak Oppose - not bad, but needs work Work done, changing to Support
Needs a prominent and early link to search engine.
"white hat" and "black hat" SEO practitioners - link first occurrence of the terms
monetizing - wikilink
Google, Usenet - wikilink first occurrence in a section, not later occurrences
link spam - wikilink
Current technology - current as of what date?
Some SEOs; online forums and blogs - WP:WEASEL. Surely some SEO forums and blogs are more prominent than others - you list the top 4 search engines, can you list the top 4 SEO forums or companies?
Wall Street Journal profiled Traffic Power - give a date
"All of the main search engines provide information/guidelines" - implies this sentence will be followed by links, but isn't. Are these supposed to be them? "the search engine guidelines[24][25][26][27][28]"
Yahoo! Site Explorer] - trailing ]
crawled. [18]. - dump last dot
As of 2007 the leading contextual search engines do not require submission. - surely this didn't only start in 2007
Just removing the date and keeping the sentence is misleading. If I'm correct, at least Yahoo did once require submission, rather than running a spider; or at least discovery wasn't automatic, but manual entry by humans.
Not every pages is - count mismatch
White Hat advice is generally summed up as creating ... then make - tense mismatch
"white hat SEO", or "black hat SEO"; White Hat advice; is Black hat - pick a consistent capitalization
Therefore, businesses should not rely on SEO as a single source of business. - we shouldn't give controversial seeming advice like this, given that at least some businesses do, in fact, rely mainly on search engine rankings; rephrase so we're merely citing someone
first amendment complaint - wikilink
The whole article seems so heavily focused on the United States that it's almost tempting to slap a {{globalize}} template on it. Can we at least say something about how this affects other countries? For example, Baidu.com is the world's #7 website according to Alexa, ahead of Ask.com. What are the issues it faces? Any legal precedents outside the US, say in the EU or other countries?
You removed Ask.com and added a single link to Baidu, which is slightly better ... but not all that much. Is almost all search engine optimization US focused? If so, say so, and cite it. If not, put a few things about non-US SEO. (Suggestion: it would work to cite it by omission, finding a reliable source that says almost all SEO targets the US engines, Yahoo, Google, Inktomi, and MSN.)
Uh oh, this is a problem. "In some early search engines, such as Infoseek, ranking first was as easy as grabbing the source code of the top-ranked page, placing it on your website, and submitting a URL to instantly index and rank that page.10" That isn't actually backed by the source. Please, check your references. If they don't actually back the text they're supposed to, that's very bad.
AirWeb - spell out that it meant Adversarial Information Retrieval on the Web, otherwise it's just a weird acronym
Wikilink dates in references, per WP:DATE. (Sep, 08, 2005) is not good.
Search Engine Representatives section - specify who is from what engine. Is there one for Baidu?
Oh dear. When there were 4 I thought there was one per engine, instead it seems 3 out of 4 are from Google. Unless about 75% of SEO specifically targets Google, this isn't balanced. If that is roughly the ratio, say so somewhere and cite it.
Origin: Second stage: - are these terms actually used universally? If so, say so and cite; if not, then get rid of them in the section headings, they look awkward
"The earliest known use of the phrase "search engine optimization" was a spam message posted on Usenet on July 26, 1997." - Cite that someone says it was the earliest known use, don't just cite the message. Also link the date per WP:DATE.
Actually, now you have links to two different Usenet messages. Are they both "first"? You also missed the part about "Also link the date per WP:DATE.", and don't even have the date in one of the message refs.
- Now you don't have a link to either!! I'll live with that, but do think it was useful.
explain "rank" better. I couldn't find the simple sentence "better 'rank' means presented earlier in search results", and it needs to be prominent.
--AnonEMouse (squeak) 19:37, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks, AnonEMouse, for all your hard work. I think I've now fixed all of these issues, or at least made good progress. Jehochman (talk/contrib) 02:46, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- You got some but not all. Weakening oppose, but still oppose. One more:
Footnote 17 (ref-a-wm-guide, apparently) is blank
--AnonEMouse (squeak) 21:07, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I think I've hit the remaining items. Thank you again, and please let me know if you have further concerns! Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 04:46, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Looks like you got them (though I'd return the link to the earliest mention of the term in a spam post, that was interesting, as it showed the historical connection between SEO and spam). Supporting. --AnonEMouse (squeak) 15:34, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Strong oppose, 1c, failure to use reliable sources. Webforums, Usenet and blogs used as sources — most publishers not identified. Footnoting problems including blank footnotes, and failure to identify publishers (many of which are not reliable). See WP:CITE/ES or the cite templates for how to correctly format footnotes, once reliable sources are located. The TOC is rambling, and headings are unnecessarily long. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:13, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The sources cited are the most reliable available and are identified. A blog can be a reliable source if it has editorial oversight and fact checking, as the blogs cited in this article do. These aren't personal blogs (added: except for Matt Cutts' blog, but he's an expert publishing in his own field, and he's a primary source for Google). There is no need to kill trees to create reliable media. In this case we are dealing with a new media phenomenon. Traditional media are ill suited to cover the finer points of the topic.
If you think there are more reliable sources than those cited here, please produce a few examples. As for your other concerns, can you provide specific examples as the previous editor has done? Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 03:40, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Several items now fixed; I'm glad to see Usenet sources removed, but publishers still need to be identified on all sources (see WP:CITE/ES). Moving other comments from my talk page to here:
- I believe all publishers are now identified. I am still learning best practices for reference formatting, so bear with me if mistakes remain. The remaining issue of source reliability needs clarification because I've spent many hours searching for the most reliable sources, and I'm a search professional. I've started a discussion at WT:V in an attempt to improve Wikipedia's policy on citing blogs. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 13:23, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Moved from my talk page, as these comments are part of the review:[17]
---
Drive-by FAC reviews
Before you review featured article candidates, SandyGeorgia, I hope that you will at least read the articles. From your edit history I see that you probably spent less than five minutes looking at Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Search engine optimization. I can't imagine how that would be enough time to give a thoughtful review. I don't treat other editors that way, and I don't expect other editors to treat my efforts with such disregard. This is the first time I've tried to elevate an article to featured status, and your review has made me feel both foolish and unwelcome. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 04:25, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm sorry my comments made you feel foolish, but it doesn't take more than a few minutes to review sources and find blogs, Usenet and personal websites were used to source the article. It shouldn't be too hard to replace those with reliable sources if you know the territory well. Best regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:29, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Can you point out the personal website, please.
Just humor me, I'm a little slow. The Usenet references were primary sources linking to things of historical interest that mentioned in the article. Your objection is duly noted. I removed those because they are linked via the reliable source that replaced them. I appreciate any and all advice.
- I'm sorry; since you brought the comments to my talk page, I didn't have the review comments at hand, where I actually said (see above) "Webforums, Usenet and blogs used as sources". I did not see any personal websites. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:42, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Wait, I get it. You are Are you objecting to Matt Cutts as a source? Did you know that Matt is the head of Google's webspam team, and that he is the de facto spokesman for Google to the webmaster community? Per WP:SPS, which you probably know inside and out, and maybe wrote most of it yourself, a self-published source by an expert writing within their areas of expertise is allowed. Let me quote:
Self-published material may be acceptable when produced by a well-known, professional researcher (scholarly or non-scholarly) in a relevant field. These may be acceptable so long as their work has been previously published by reliable third-party publications. However, exercise caution: if the information in question is really worth reporting, someone else is likely to have done so.
- Cutts is extremely well-known in this space. The posts I reference are relevant to his field of expertise. He has been published numerous times in third-party publications. I have exercised caution. When the head of Google's webspam team explains why Google blocked a particular website for spamming, I am prepared to take his word for it. I don't see how the New York Times can do better fact checking than that.
- In this instance mainstream media is way behind the times in reporting on search engine optimization. If we want to write a proper article with all the nitty gritty details, I can't wait for the New York Times to catch up. I've used dead-tree media wherever possible, but these here blogs are the equivalent of industry trade journals. There's only one paper magazine I know of about search engine optimization, and it
sucks, out loud. is not very good. If we want to write a high quality article, we have to use online sources. Most people covering this space publish via blogs.
- Do you do much work on technology articles? Not so many people do. If you have, you've probably seen situations like this before. If you still disagree with my approach, I suppose I can try to find some secondary sources that report "Matt Cutts said" and use those, but I somehow feel that would result in a lower quality article.
Who knows? Maybe I am completely off base. If this is an interesting issue, maybe we can take it to RFC and get some more opinions. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 05:17, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Please calm down, and identify your publishers. If you're using blogs and webforums as sources, your reasoning for considering them reliable should be explained (as you've pointed out above). Best regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:42, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Here is a sample edit; I filled in some missing authors, publication dates, and publishers (as well as identifying PDFs and running Gimmetrow's ref fixer to fix ref punctuation per WP:FN) as a sample of work needed. Struck completed items above. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 06:04, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I AM CALM!!!! (Humor!) Sorry I got a bit keyed up. As one of the few professional SEOs who contributes to Wikipedia in a non-spammy way, I sometimes get kicked around by people who think all SEOs are scum. I have a real challenge with this article because I've used many non-traditional sources, and I am afraid that my efforts may go down the drain because of ingrained biases. This is an arcane topic, but one that is very important to many people. I really appreciate your help, and I see that you've made some sample edits to the article. I will surely take your advice on board and follow up with further edits as needed. THANK YOU! Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 06:09, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- SandyGeorgia, if I need to explain why we are using blogs as references, should I write something into the article to explain that most SEO-related news is reported online, via blogs, because the practitioners, analysts and reporters within this industry have such a strong affinity for new media? You won't believe it, but there's even an online radio station that carries SEO news all day long. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 06:33, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Hey, Jehochman, much improved, glad we're back on track, and I'm sorry again for making you feel awful — you have a solid start here. :-) I've struck all comments above except for the concern about blogs and webforums. What is needed on those is to get some consensus from people knowledgeable in the area that these are, indeed, reliable sources for the statements they are sourcing. I accept that the authors may be knowledgeable experts, but you may need others to confirm that the sources reflect industry-wide consensus and knowledge, since blogs are not peer-reviewed. Perhaps there are some WikiProjects where you could inquire, and you could also initiate a thread at WP:RS, inviting others to comment or look at this review. If you can get some consensus from people knowledgeable in the field that the sources are reliable for this application, I'll strike that remaining object. Remember, if you don't achieve that in this FAC, there's always the opportunity to come back for another try, but by asking knowledgeable folks to comment, you should be able to get there. The TOC is MUCH improved — nice work! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:25, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've invited half a dozen editors who have experience with this topic to evaluate the references. Let's see how many respond. Maybe we can get an opinion from AnonEMouse above, who's been very helpful. I appreciated your continued support! Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 17:57, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I tend to accept Jehochman's word on this. I haven't done a thorough scan through the references, but the ones I have read do seem to be OK. I'm not an SEO expert, but have read a bit about it, and it is true (and not that surprising) that the best sources on writing web sites are, well, web sites.
- That said, I've "met" SandyGeorgia in quite a few FAC reviews now, and she tends to be stricter than I am. :-) This may not seem immediately obvious, given that I tend to write 20 issues to her 2, but most of my 20 are things that can be fixed in only slightly more time than it took me to object to them, while hers tend to be foundational/structural issues. As someone wrote somewhere, the main difference between a GA article and an FA article is one pair of eyes vs many pairs of eyes. --AnonEMouse (squeak) 16:48, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- support The article came a long way and the 5 archive pages of the articles talk page speak for themselves. It is a very complicated subject and also one where you will not be able to find 2 experts in the field that will have the same opinion about it. References
was were specifically hard to come by. Mainstream media only started slowly and not too long ago to cover the subject in greater detail when search in general started was getting a lot more attention by advertisers and old school media as well. SEO is also constantly changing at a paste that most big media outlets can not keep up with. No wonder that most of the real information can be found in forum discussions and blogs. The time it takes from start to print for an article at the NYT or WSJ is an eternity in the SEO industry. Once coverage goes into details, it often ends up being either wrong<striek>, out dated or is already a thing of from the past. A lot of editors did a lot of digging for quality references to support the article. Let me show you some examples.
- See here the debate about citing forums, such as High Rankings. Interesting to note is the fact that over time was it possible to replace all references to that forum with better resources. Also see this debate and this one. It shows that every reference was debated, evaluated and may be added only temporarily until better references were found. References were not picked because of convenience. Regarding Matt Cutts blog, see see this. Most editors that commented here are not familiar with the subject and therefore did never heard about Matt Cutts and understand his role as an official unofficial voice of Google. If you check some of his posts and especially the comments, you will notice that the discussions are not trivial and very technical and detailed. Just this Monday made one of his posts that was updated by Matt headlines again across virtually all blogs in the industry. [18] The original post from a month ago had already over 600!!!! comments and none of them were spam or trivial like "me too". --roy<sac> Talk! .oOo. 19:06, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you, Cumbrowski for your comments! Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 19:17, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Regarding SearchEngineWatch.com (SEW) blogs and forums as well as SearchEngineLand.com (SEL). Danny Sullivan (technologist) was the founder of SEW and of SEL last fall. You can check out the article about him to get to know about more about his background. He is well respected throughout the whole industry, by search engines, marketers and advertisers that do search alike. He has a daily internet radio show and podcast where he reports the latest search marketing news. SEW and now SEL are technically blogs, but they are managed and treated like a news pager manages their content. The editors of the "blogs" are never "newbie's" or "rookies", but always well established expert in the industry. They all have their own personal/semi professional blogs for their ramblings about stuff that is may be industry related, but not appropriate for SEL or SEW. You could remove WordPress as publishing platform and replace it with any other CMS and it would be considered a "news publication" by old standards. Well, even old publishers start utilizing blogs or blog like features. I believe that you also can make comments at the WSJ online nowadays too. I am not sure, but several newspapers do it for sure and you would not discount them as a bad reference, only because they use a blog as online publishing platform. It's the quality of the content and the professionalism of the editors and not the CMS that make a site a quality reference and reliable source.--roy<sac> Talk! .oOo. 20:42, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- In the lead, this sentence is a problem: "As a marketing strategy, SEO considers how search algorithms work and what people search for in order to increase a site's relevancy." Do you mean "As a marketing strategy for increasing a site's relevancy, SEO considers how search algorithms work and what people search for."
- I'd love you to get rid of all the "upon"s (on). Tony 23:24, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for the comments, Tony. I've adopted your suggestion for the lead, and wiped out all the "upons." I had planned to save a few, just for variety, but none were worthy.
- Would you be willing to look at the sources and say whether you think they are reliable or not? SandyGeorgia suggested that I ask for community input. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 00:07, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment I asked Jill Whalen to comment on the sources. She is a longstanding and well-respected member of the expert SEO community, and she's very tough on the issue of what's reliable and what's not. This is what she said:
...I don't have a wikipedia account. However, I think it's going to be very hard to get consensus on which resources are reliable or not. Most of us disagree on that point! [19]
I would beware of anything from WebPronews. Many of their articles are good and accurate, but they allow any "author" to be published, so you can't rely on them to be a reliable source. And as much as I love (and write for) Search Engine Guide, they will also publish pretty much anything related to SEO/SEM.
So for those types of resources (and any other that will publish any article at all about SEO/SEM), you have to evaluate who the actual author of the article is and judge their level of expertise and knowledge. (I'm not going to do that here as I have enough enemies!)
And unfortunately, we all know that the major media sources, Forbes, NYT, etc. often provide the worst and most inaccurate info. But it's understandable why Wikipedia would want/need to reference those ones.
But honestly, a very brief look at the references in that Wiki article look to be fine. [20]
- In light of this advice, I will look at the references again and see what can be done to improve the reliability of sources. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 18:04, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Don't throw the baby out with the bath water and check the authors first. I agree with Jill regarding WebProNews. They are agressively expanding to cover everything, everywhere. That the quality suffers there in some cases, because of it, is not surprising, but it also does not mean that the source in general is unreliable. Regarding Forbes, well I commented on main stream media and SEO coverage already :) --roy<sac> Talk! .oOo. 05:34, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I replaced the WebProNews reference with Washington Post, and removed the Search Engine Journal reference and edited the statements to rely on an existing reference. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 15:50, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- comment. Regarding the SEJ reference removal. I would not consider Gemme van Hasselt an unreliable source. He lives for years in Shanghai and works as internet consultant and news correspondent for inside marketing news for a number of blogs. He was born in the Netherlands and speaks 5 languages: German, English, Chinese, French and Dutch (Flemish) [21]. If the reference is better in quality than the reference you replaced it with or if you just removed it and left the content in the article unreferenced, I would suggest you re-add it again. That's my 2 cents. --roy<sac> Talk! .oOo. 23:40, 23 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I modified the content to match the Mike Grehan article that was already cited. This is a minor issue. The bigger issue is how to get more people to comment here so we can demonstrate consensus. Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 01:00, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment I sent Bill Slawski from "SEO by the Sea" an email and asked for his comments. Bill has a Wikipedia account and also contributed to the SEO article itself a bit in the past. --roy<sac> Talk! .oOo. 22:04, 24 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Hi. I'm responding to Jehochman's request to comment upon the references presently cited by the Search Engine optimization article. I will disclose that I submitted four or five of the academic peer-reviewed papers cited, and a version of the Cory Doctorow article, though linked to its original place of publication at the Well, rather than e-LearningGuru.
- I have seen and read all of the articles presently listed as references in the Wikipedia search engine optimization except for one, which I read before writing this response. I know all of the authors of the blog posts listed, except for the one that I hadn't seen before, and I know two of the owners of the business that published the article that I hadn't seen before. As far as quality of resources in the article on SEO, the ones listed are of high quality. Even the main stream media articles.Bill Slawski 01:31, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks Bill for taking the time to look at this and comment! Jehochman ☎ / ✔ 05:19, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support. For a web-based subject, I think the reliability of the references is fine (although there's no harm in having a small paragraph at the start of the References section). The prose is of high-quality throughout, the content is comprehensive, and the images have useful captions and fair use rationales. CloudNine 15:48, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for the review, CloudNine. Jehochman Talk 17:17, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- support I was sent an email by Carsten Cumbrowski requesting I give my opinion - My Wikipedia user name is a direct Polish equivalent of my English name as I would prefer to avoid the frequent searches for my name resulting in Wikipedia edits and discussions either now or in the future.
- Whilst I could be looked on as notable in other fields, that is not the case for my current profession in affiliate marketing. I am regarded by many as an expert in blogging, Wordpress and in particular SEO for blogs, and some of those who have already given an opinion are known to be subscribers to my personal blog, so all the terminology and references are very familiar to me. Historically I have been creating high profile websites since 1996, and was first online in 1992.
- Most of the documents cited were already familiar to me and those that were not I have examined. Based upon my understanding of the Wikipedia rules for verifiable cited sources, all the sources I would consider appropriate.
- It is a known fact in Search Engine Optimization that many of the best sources of information unfortunately do not conform to Wikipedia rules for verifiable cited sources and whilst search engines by-and-large operate based upon mathematical algorithms, there are multiple ways to achieve similar results. Many of the documents cited I do not personally agree with all the conclusions reached, but that doesn't mean they should be excluded from the article. AndrzejBroda 10:01, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for the review, Andrzej. We welcome additional points of view. Feel free to add new statements with appropriate sources to the article, or you can leave a message on the article talk page with suggestions. We could use more European coverage in the article. Jehochman Talk 13:08, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment. Thank you for your comment below, User:Randfish. Keep in mind this discussion isn't about the editors who worked on this article. If possible, could you refactor your comment to specifically address the reliability of the references cited in the article? What you think about me doesn't matter. I may be nice, but I could also be misguided, stupid or just plain wrong. If you can identify specific weaknesses in the article, or provide additional sources, make a list here, and I will take the time to make improvements! Jehochman Talk 17:05, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment. Jonathan - I'd rather not make changes to the article or, really, even read through it. I've mentioned why[22] on SEOmoz. My point is that unless the editors here can themselves claim the level of expertise and industry participation that you have, they should be respecting your authority. I'm not interested in whether that's the "Wikipedia" way - it's the right way. YOU are a trustworthy source, and if YOU reference something, it should be up to another true expert to question it, not at the whim of prejudiced participants who have no industry experience. --Randfish 20:40, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Rand, thank's for the vote of confidence! You may be right, but when I volunteered for this, I agreed to be mercilessly edited, reverted, criticized and insulted by 4 million other users, so I have no complaints. Check my talk page for examples. Jehochman Talk 21:12, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reliability of references, summary
SandyGeorgia requested opinions as to the reliability of sources. Here is a brief summary of the opinions we've gathered.
- Jehochman (nominator, main contributor, professional SEO) - I've checked all the references and think they are reliable.
- AnonEMouse - "I tend to accept Jehochman's word on this. I haven't done a thorough scan through the references, but the ones I have read do seem to be OK. I'm not an SEO expert, but have read a bit about it, and it is true (and not that surprising) that the best sources on writing web sites are, well, web sites."
- Carsten Cumbrowski (main contributor, professional SEO) - "A lot of editors did a lot of digging for quality references to support the article."
- Jill Whalen (notable SEO expert) - "But honestly, a very brief look at the references in that Wiki article look to be fine."
- Bill Slawski (well known SEO) - "As far as quality of resources in the article on SEO, the ones listed are of high quality."
- CloudNine - "For a web-based subject, I think the reliability of the references is fine"
- User:AndrzejBroda (European SEO blogger) - "Based upon my understanding of the Wikipedia rules for verifiable cited sources, all the sources I would consider appropriate."
- Rand Fishkin (notable SEO expert) - "Jonathan Hochman knows what he's talking about and should be considered reliable and trustworthy in the sources he cites. Despite my personal distaste for this website (wikipedia) and many of its editorial practices, Jon is one of the good guys, and both his goals and motivations are noble." - — Preceding unsigned comment added by Randfish (talk • contribs) 16:51, 30 May 2007
- User:Pleeker - "I've read the SEO article. I've reviewed it and I find the references used to be very good. I'm familiar with just about all of the industry sources used, and trust each as a reliable source of information."
Oppose - This is not an appropriate topi for a featured article. Search engine optimization is way too esoteric for the average reader and there is no structure or discipline involved in the industry. The SEO community is fragmented, contentious, and lacks professional credentialization. Lack of standards is just one of the many problems that plagues SEO and attempts to document it. The article itself still contains erroneous statements of fact (early "optimiation" was based on tagging, not simply submitting URLs) and omits important information (such as the need for directory optimization in the 1990s). The summarization of the "backrub" project also makes it sound like PageRank was all there was to it (it was far more than that). And the article is promoting a handful of SEOs, none of whom are particularly superior in skill or knowledge to the community in general as authorities on the topic. - — Preceding unsigned comment added by Michael Martinez (talk • contribs) 11:12, 30 May 2007
- Thank you for taking the time to comment! I will look into these issues and see if we can improve the article. Jehochman Talk 18:55, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Upon reflection: Michael, as I know from having met you in other online fora, you have a strong point of view. Wikipedia articles represent multiple points of view in proportion to their prevalence. If you wish to add criticisms of the SEO industry to the article, you are welcome to do so, but please cite reliable sources. Jehochman Talk 07:03, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've read the SEO article. I've reviewed it and I find the references used to be very good. I'm familiar with just about all of the industry sources used, and trust each as a reliable source of information. --Pleeker 04:52, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you, Pleeker, for your comments. Jehochman Talk 07:00, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment. Forbe's article should not be a reference. It's biased and inaccurate. The writer went out of his way to write a one-sided article by censoring feedback from several people whos opinions clashed with the gist of his article (e.g. Barry Bwelford from cre8asiteforms, Aaron Pratt from SEOBuzzbox - both claim they received calls from the author of the article but their opinions were dismissed). The author later admitted he may have done better to write a more balanced piece. --Tetsuto 06:42, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- No article will make 100% of the people happy. That's not the standard we use, and there is a strong consensus that Forbes is a reliable source. We do represent all views, so feel free to add a counterpoint that cites a different, reliable sources. Jehochman Talk 06:59, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- In general, Forbes is a reliable source. However, Andy Greenberg happened to write an unreliable, over-the-top, sensationalized article (BTW, I've read your featured article twice, read every reference, and in my opinion, all other references are credible). This reference will make 99% of SEOs very unhappy.
Rand Fishkin calls it "an extremely lopsided article[23]." Andy also called Rand Fishkin asking for "supplemental horror stories." Like Aaron Pratt, Rand's claim that supplemental results isn't that big of a deal was dismissed because it killed the drama of Andy's article. In the video, Rand says: "and of course, the reporter proceeded to call up folks until he found people who supported his story line which I think sadly is how a lot of reporting operates...it makes me doubt the journalistic field a little bit."
The two sites discussed in the article as victims of Google Hell were actually just perpetrators of spam [24] "Matt, however, provides another take. Google received spam reports of link exchange emails and that caused the site to lose its credibility in the search engine's eyes." Matt Cutts adds: "Andy Greenberg wrote an article for Forbes entitled “Condemned To Google Hell” about supplemental results. I was getting ready to go on vacation, so I didn’t have a chance to talk to Andy, and now I wish that I had. It’s easy to read the article and come away with the impression that Google’s supplemental results are some sort of search engine dungeon where bad pages go and sit in limbo forever, and that’s just not true."
Aaron Pratt discusses his dealings with Andy in this post [25], where he says: "Andy Greenberg from Forbes called me looking for information on Google’s supplemental results. When I said that I believed that SEOs exaggerate what supplemental results are all about he wasn’t interested in discussing the issue further with me."
Barry Welford over on Matt Cutts blog [26] says: "Andy Greenberg called me when preparing his Forbes article and I expressed this point of view to him. I guess it didn't fit the picture that he wanted to present so he ignored what I said. So much for journalistic integrity." Barry later says, in the comments of the same Matt Cutts post: "Just in the interests of fair play, I've just had a call from Andy Greenberg of Forbes as I'm sure have others he spoke to prior to his article. He wanted to say that on reflection, it might have been better to include both sides of the debate." You call that reliable journalism? Jonathan, the Wikipedia article's credibility is tarnished when it cites a journalist who is clueless about search engines and is out to sensationalize rather than inform. --Tetsuto 08:03, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That reference was used to support this statement: "Due to this lack of guarantees and certainty, a business that relies heavily on SEO can suffer major losses if the search engines stop sending visitors." Do you disagree with this statement or think it should be reworked? Do you have a better source to cite that would support this statement? I specifically did NOT use this source for anything related to supplemental results because I know that Forbes is not the best source for technology information, but their reporting of what happens to a business when it loses natural search rankings is perfectly acceptable. I am convinced that business did suffer losses when their rankings dropped (that reason is in dispute). You seem to be knowledgeable about SEO, so you see the flaws in mainstream media coverage; people knowledgeable in other subjects see the same media biases, and lapses, their own fields. That's why we use multiple sources, to balance out any biases or flaws in coverage.
- We face tough objections due to Wikipedia's inherent biases toward print media. This discussion is an excellent example of why we need to convince the community to be more accepting of expert bloggers and online sources. We aren't going to convince anyone if we "nuke the site from orbit" as Rand and Barry did yesterday.[27] [28] The way to convince people is to work with them and show them a better way to do things. Jehochman Talk 08:51, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Jonathan, I agree that a small brand business that relies heavily on search engine traffic can suffer major losses if the search engines stop sending visitors. SEO is a marketing strategy that involves gaining inbound links from other sites besides Google. It's also a strategy that involves increasing visibility and brand-awareness by submitting articles/links to sites like Digg, del.icio.us, and Wikipedia. So a company that invests in legitimate SEO and website development will gain many links from sites besides search engines. Those links will often send a majority of a site's traffic[29] (e.g. Seomoz's top referers: digg.com, stumbleupon, del.icio.us, bloglines, i-mezzo.net. SEO by the Sea's top referers: my.yahoo.com, netvibes.com, potu.com, blog.searchenginewatch.com). A quote from that page: "Search marketers, in a twist of irony, receive a very small share of their traffic from search engines." A niche market site with less viral marketing opportunities may be more dependent on search engine traffic, though Michael Gray will tell you even carpet cleaner sites can benefit from viral marketing[30]. Big brand names also can sustain loss of traffic from search engines much better than a website that no one knows exists. For example, people will find BMW.com or Ebay.com without Google, but they will have a more difficult time finding a new blog or be even aware of the fact that it exists. If a site isn't referenced often by other websites (either because it lacks originality/value or because its new) and 90% of inbound traffic comes from search engines and that traffic doesn't compound (word of mouth and high number of return visits result in traffic that compounds, like money sitting in a Roth IRA), then loss of traffic from search engines can be devastating. --Tetsuto 19:38, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That's a great perspective to add to the article. Let me see how that fits. Jehochman Talk 19:51, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 02:07, 1 June 2007.
- previous fac
- Self nomination Comprehensive but succinct, numerous references to reliable sources, it's gone through major collaborative processess, several peer reviews, it has Good Article status, is factually accurate and the world's fourth largest country. Perhaps this could even be the Wikipedia Feature Article on 17 August - Indonesia's national day. --Merbabu 03:55, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support- I support the nomination reason due to it having over 123 references. Telcourbanio Care for a talk? 15:58, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support. Excellent and well-sourced article. --Carioca 18:54, 14 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support. The article is already of high quality. It would benefit from an additional copyedit, but it is fundamentally sound. -Arch dude 03:09, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support - fulfils criteria. congrats. great looking article cheers, Cas Liber | talk | contribs 09:42, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support, but a bit bias as a contributor. The article has undergone major improvement and is provided with reliable sources. Though the article size is quite large, but the content is concise with compeling prose to describe necessary aspects for any readers to understand about Indonesia. It would be very beneficial to all of us if this vital article can gain FA status. — Indon (reply) — 11:23, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support fulfills all reqs, well written. Lεmσηflαsh(t)/(c) 23:39, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Oppose. I disagree with the previous reviewer's assessment of the writing. Here are examples just from the lead that indicate that the entire text needs a good massage by fresh eyes.
- "since at least the seventh century when Srivijaya Kingdom traded with China." Comma before "when", and "the" before "Srivijava".
- "drawn to its wealth of natural resources; including Indians, under whose influence Hindu and Buddhist kingdoms flourished"—semicolon should be a comma, or make it "resources; these powers include ...".
- "Europeans fighting for monopolization of the spice trade"—I'm sure they weren't fighting for the spice trade to be monopolised by anyone. Each wanted to monopolise it themselves. The grammar indicates the former.
- A Dutch colonial presence existed"—awkward; try "There was a Dutch colonial presence" (but that's a mild statement, implying relatively weak power; if you mean "Indonesia was a Dutch colony for more than three centuries, say it).Tony 01:31, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment The entire Indonesia was not a Dutch colony for 300 years, in fact, much of it wasn't - to say so is factually inaccurate. The final borders were not established until the early 20th century. Furthermore, Dutch control, where it did control, was often tenuous. In fact, where this point comes up twice in the text it has a footnote to explain. It's a shame it's not a simpler concept and we have struggled with the best way to say it. Any suggestions are welcome.Merbabu 01:40, 17 May 2007 (UTC) So use ""There was a Dutch colonial presence", as I suggested; that's weak enough. Tony[reply]
- "Indonesia's post-independence history has been turbulent with elements of separatism and corruption, periods of rapid economic growth and decline,...". Comma before "with", please, in a formal register such as this. Makes it easier to read. Audit the whole article for the non-use of commas.
- "Indonesia is a unitary state consisting of numerous distinct ethnic, linguistic, and religious groups spread across its numerous islands that have not always been united." We have "numerous" twice. Remove "spread". What has not always been united? The groups or the islands?
In addition to 1a, I find a POV problem (1d) in the absence of any mention in the lead about the long history of domination of the archipelago by the Javanese. Tony 01:31, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the comments. The grammar can be fixed. How would you suggest we solve the apparent POV problem? It could be easily be made worse by saying "long history of domination by the Javanese". Merbabu 01:34, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Perhaps a milder statement? Long history of cultural and economic ascendancy? Or even "influence", although that might be too mild. You need to debate that among yourselves; I have no expertise in that matter, but have heard from authoritative sources that it is the case.
- When you say "the grammar can be fixed", it's not only grammar, but a number of issues, including redundant wording and punctuation; and not just in the lead, but throughout. Can you find a native speaker with an interest in SEA? Research FA edit history pages to find edit summaries indicating copy-editing. Flatter anyone you find, because they will be valuable collaborators now and in the future. I suppose my conern is that the topic deserves the respect and authority that can only come from polished prose.
- There's an apparent breach of protocol here: Arch dude has a raft of edits, yet has not announced his/her contributions, as Indon has done. It's a matter of being open about potential conflicts of interest. Tony 01:43, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment - regarding arch dude, he made those edits after we requested he elaborate on his comments here at FAC. I'm working on the Javanese dominanace now and will reply latr. Yes, it is easy to get too close to material, but the problem we have had with people 'outsiders' copyediting is that they bring in factual errors - but, it does need to be collaborative accuracy/prose process, to which Arch Duke, for example, helped us with. thanks. Merbabu 01:51, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment: I too am a biased contributor and am inclined to support the nomination, well done to everyone who has contributed! There are still however aspects where the article can be improved:
- "[Indonesia] has been an important trade region since at least the seventh century when Srivijaya Kingdom traded with China". The qualification about China doesn't make sense to me given that the article later makes the statement - "The region established trade with both India and China several centuries BCE.". China isn't the only region Srivijaya traded with, so as it stands the sentence is misleading. The citation goes into a lot of detail about the trade Srivijaya had with China, but that is likely because most of surviving records of the time are Chinese.
- I don't quite understand the problem here. The information is reliably sourced. It is significant that there were trade links with China - but that doesn't mean we should list all of Srivijaya's trade links (even if they were actually known). Anyway, it has since been changed:
- The Indonesian archipelago has been an important trade region since at least the seventh century, when the Srivijaya Kingdom formed trade links with China.
- --Merbabu 02:37, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"poverty and unequal distribution of wealth are defining features of contemporary Indonesia". I agree with the poverty aspect of this claim, but the unequal distribution of wealth aspect doesn't seem to be supported by the citation, nor emperical data such as List of countries by income equality. According to the UN, Indonesia has a more equal income distribution than Australia, New Zealand, the UK, USA, Singapore, the Philippines, Malaysia, Papua New Guinea, and so on.
- Further comment - although I also endorse (and made) the above-suggested change in accordance with statistics, the 'inequality' referred to the vast gap between the top and bottom. THe fact that so many people (the vast majority) are indeed near the bottom implies equality (ie, equally poor) with a small but extremely wealthy upper class, but a very small middle class - unlike, say, Australia which has a very large middle class. Of course though, we need to go with what's verifiable before 'the truth'. Merbabu 05:10, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The Etymology seems seems overly large. I'd like to see the overbearing quote replaced with a picture representing the island nature of the country as per the etymology of Indonesia - some coastline and water for example.
The "Administrative divisions" section is an aspect of the governement and politics of Indonesia. As such I believe it is more logical to include it as a subsection of the "Government and politics" rather than its own top level header. The Encarta encyclopedia for example has a similar organization - "Introduction; Land and Resources; The People of Indonesia; Arts and Culture; Economy; Government; History". I know Merbabu prefers the existing structure, but I'd like to hear what others think.
- My proposed header structure is:
- 3 Government and politics
- 3.1 Structure and affiliations
- 3.2 Administrative divisions
- 3.3 Foreign relations
- 3.4 Contemporary issues
- Instead of:
- 3 Government and politics
- 3.1 Structure and affiliations
- 3.2 Foreign relations
- 3.3 Contemporary issues
- 4 Administrative divisions
- 4.1 Indonesian provinces and their capitals
- Comment while there is some logic to the way you have presented your structure here - ie, under one single section - in practise, it makes the section too long and it looks unwieldy and clumsy. Looking at all the FA country articles, they too would have this size problem and thus, these four division are not presented as one single section (with subsections), rather they are always presented as two or more sections - with subsections as required. That's my view on it anyway. Merbabu 03:54, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The paragraph on Chinese Indonesians takes up 40% of the Ethnic groups section, which feels like it's given too much weight - should probably be trimmed a little. Also, the first sentence contains weasle words - "Chinese Indonesians are arguably the most influential ethnic minority".
- Good points re Chinese Indonesians - I have addressed them - please check if i have done so adequately. PS, there was a comment about anti-Chinese violence that was in the footnotes, but I've put it now into the main prose as it is important. maybe wording could be reviewed. thanks. Merbabu 04:53, 17 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- (Caniago 03:17, 17 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
Oppose. I agree with Tony on the need for a thorough copy edit; there's a lot of redundancy, common misspellings, and other errors. For example, the serial comma is used in some places but not others, and Commonwealth and American English are used willy-nilly. Further concerns:
Although prose size is acceptable (31 KB of readable prose), the Table of Contents is large and imposing. There is no need for sub-subheads like "Executive" and "Parliament" that introduce one- or two-paragraph sections, for example.
- Comment - I have removed the sub-sub headings, and even the new sub-headings in the govt section. It's set-out is now similar to most other country articles (including the FA countries :) ). --Merbabu 04:40, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Inline citations should be removed from the lead. The lead should not give any new information that is not repeated in the body of the article, so the inline citations should be in the body instead.
"Contemporary issues" is a problematic section. It seems like a dumping ground for anything negative about the country. A better approach would be to distribute these facts throughout the article. For example, the information on poverty would fit well under "Demographics" or "Economy". Information on separtatist conflicts would fit with information about the military (as it represents one of the threats to which the military responds).
- Comment - OK, i've merged it into 'Economy' and a couple of re-arranged govt related sections. This version. And I've removed the associated sub-sections/headings. The section was a way to handle accusations of NPOV and glossing over of issues which has been a common accusation of not just this article but Indonesia in general. But, you are right - it did have a 'sore thumb' look to it. Merbabu 04:40, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The massive "Further reading" section should be scrapped. List just the sources that were actually used to write the article, and place them under "References".
The biggest fish to fry at this point is the prose, though. — Brian (talk) 01:12, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes indeed. Merbabu 04:40, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the quick responses. I'll check the changes over this weekend sometime. The "Further reading" thing isn't an FAC killer to me, but I do really hate "Further reading" sections in Wikipedia articles. If something is important enough to merit mention, it should have been used as a proper reference. I also prefer that full-form references be given in a separate section that lists all references alphabetized by author's last name (as I did in Cameroon). This allows the "Notes" to be much more abbreviated and improves the reader's ability to scan all of the sources used and to determine if they are reliable or not. But that's just my personal style, I admit. — Brian (talk) 06:18, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've struck (stricken?) two objections, by the way. — Brian (talk) 08:24, 18 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Further note: I copy edited the article,
but problems still remain. Namely, I did not try to fix the inconsistent use of the serial comma nor the flip-flopping between Commonwealth and American English. The article's main editors will have to decide which style they prefer and make these changes themselves.
- Comment: I am sure American English was the accepted way (unfortunately - he he) and I thought I had checked already for that. I will have a closer look hopefully tomorrow. But what words are still causing concern? Merbabu 13:00, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- A few other points:
"murdered under contentious circumstances" -- Can this be reworded? When is a murder not contentious?
- Done. I've changed this to 'disputed circumstances but I think this is not quite right. Perhaps someonce can suggest further. It is the circumstances around the murders (ie, who was the 'mastermind') that are contentious/contreversial. Ie, no accounts of who was behind it can be proven, including the official version. On the other hand, there was no big national 'dispute'. The army had their version and being the victors, it was their version that became the official line - any dispute (ie, 'contention') has been behind the scenes, and now amongst overseas historians/academics. It is not a big issue in Indonesia as the official version has become so ingrained.Merbabu 13:32, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Can we have a source citation for the five largest cities?
Please insert non-breaking spaces between all numbers and units of measurement. And please be sure that both metric and Imperial measures are given (mostly the article is good about this, but there is at least one spot I noticed where metric only was given).
Please replace all - characters with n-dashes for ranges of numbers or dates.
The first two sentences of the second paragraph of "Demographics" are confusing to me. Are "Austronesian" and "Melanesian" considered ethnic groups? Or are these larger groupings? The "However" in the second sentence makes it sound like they are ethnic groups.
- Done Yeah - i can see the problem. Now changed to:
- Most Indonesians are descendant from Austronesian-speaking people who originated in Taiwan. The other major grouping are Melanesians who inhabit eastern Indonesia.[97] There are around 300 distinct native ethnicities in Indonesia and 742 different languages and dialects.[98] Merbabu 14:16, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Though now minority religions, Hinduism, Buddhism and classical India remain defining . . . " Classical India is not a religion, but I wasn't sure how to reword this.
The article seems to be overlinked. Please take a long, hard look at each and every bluelink and make sure it is relevant to the article. For example, little is gained by linking to terms such as earthquake and Brazil.
- Done - two editors have gone through the whole article closely. We think we have got it covered, what do you think? Some are linked twice but only in a few instances where it seems useful and never in the same section. Merbabu 08:57, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
On a related note, please click through every link and make sure it goes where it's supposed to. Featured Articles should not point to redirect and disambiguation pages.
- Wow, citation templates made this piece a headache to edit! (Just a comment!)
- You're telling me!?! Well, articles are first and foremost for the benefit of readers, not editors and intend to provide quality info rather than ease of editing. :) Merbabu 13:36, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- This is going to be a touchy point: I'm glad to see that the "liberal democracy" claim has vanished from the opening. However, a balanced view of Indonesia's politics, government, administration, economics and, indeed, the lives of its citizens, is not possible without mention of the endemic corruption that has beset and continues to beset the country. It was recently rated (by which international body, I can't recall) as one of the top few nations in the world (or the top one?) for corruption. Yet a rather bland picture is painted of the way public life works in Indonesia. I think this issue needs to be aired somewhere in the article. It's a POV issue (1c). Tony 09:11, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
PS Specify "nominal" GDP, against the PPP per capita. And what's the nominal per capita income? (It's important because it's an indication of the tradeable-goods purchasing power of Indonesians.) Tony 09:12, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Corruption is mentioned in three places in the article - the intro, History and in Economy. Are you suggesting it needs to be made more prominent or otherwise reworded? (Caniago 09:42, 19 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- I've added in nominal GDP/capita alongside the PPP figure. I've also updated, for 2006, these two plus total GDP. And what is nominal per capita income? Isn't GDP/capita simply a way of measuring income/capita? see here. And PPP means an attempt to takes into account the 'purchasing power'. It's not clear what you mean. Merbabu 14:56, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've now added a sentence into the Economy section on corruption, Transparency International and their Corruption Perceptions Index. Merbabu 14:56, 19 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
arbitary break (for ease of use)
[edit]
1. Mos for units (m, mi, km, C not followed) -- see formatting for Climate of India.
- Done - i think. Most issues seemed to be in the 'Geography' section.[39]. One thing i did not change was the use of "%" rather than "per cent" or "percent" - I have kept it consistent with FA countries
2. Image sizes are inconsistent, try thumbing the images, removing the set pixel.
- Yes, should be consistent and I've reviewed all pics. I'm not sure that we must simply use thumbnail size as a matter of course. 220px horizontal is a good size in my opinion for landscape - not too big - although 200px could be good. Note, there is one portrait I set to 180px which means the area is on par with the landscape - i don't think portrait size pics should have the same size horizontal as a landscape, as the vertical would thus be excessive. Let me know what you think and if it needs further adjustment. --Merbabu 05:47, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
3. Many words linked repeatedly.
- Done --Merbabu 10:37, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The MOS says regarding internal links: These links should be included where it is most likely that a reader would want to follow them elsewhere; for example, in article introductions, the beginnings of new sections, table cells, and image captions. Generally, where it is likely that a reader may wish to read about another topic, the reader should not have to hunt for a link elsewhere in the page.. So, repeated links are fine (and in fact encouraged) as long as they are not repeated in the same section. (Caniago 15:07, 20 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
4. {{tl|main}] should come before an image in a section.
- Done I found two instances [40] & [41] Merbabu 03:47, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
5. It's interesting that Indonesia shares a sea border with Australia, but not India. Considering that the northern tip of Aceh is 140 odd km from Indira Point in the Nicobar Islands, what would be the basis for the omission?
- Done I've re-written this in line with the FA Australia article:
- The country shares land borders with Papua New Guinea, East Timor, and Malaysia, and other neighboring countries include Singapore, the Philippines, Australia and the Indian union territory of the Andaman and Nicobar Islands.
- To put in India as a neighbour because Aceh is close to the Nicobars is, in my opinion, dwelling to much on a relatively small technicality. It could be a bit misleading - 'most' of India is not really a neighbour and we need to draw the line somewhere. But, I have put it in for now and I think other opinion would be helpful. :) --Merbabu 06:06, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
6. (not an oppose) Maps should be SVG
7. ...these include Indians... -- inaccuracte; India was not a unified country back then; "Indian kingdoms" would be more accurate.
- Done. --Merbabu 03:50, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
8. (check possessive noun) Earl's --> Earl
Done I corrected this instance and checked every example of "'s" --Merbabu 03:58, 20 May 2007 (UTC)
9. Wikify dates --> 21 May 1998[reply]
- Done - i went through and checked all - corrected 3 instances in references. But couldn't find any probs in main article body. --Merbabu 05:08, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
10. "Significant" separatist? -- Why not just Separatist?
- Done - yeah, good point. --Merbabu 03:58, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
11. 'have led to armed conflict and allegations -- not clear which side (IND or the separatists) is alleged to be behind these. Is there a co-relation between the two? I don't think so
- Comment - actually, it is intended to mean 'both ways' - part of the propaganda war on both 'sides'. No doubt much is true, and much is exageration, even fabrication - from both sides. To say 'There have been allegations of HR abuses' is a factual comment, on the other hand, saying 'There have been HR abuses' adds a bit grease to the POV slope - no matter that there is no doubt substantial truth in it. Merbabu 04:19, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done - I've added a few more words that will hopefully clarify. Hopefully people can review and improve/suggest as appropriate. I've also added more referneces. The main point is that we are talking about violent armed conflict, ie - claim and counter claim about brutality are thus hardly unusual. But, your point is a good one and I hope it has now lead to article improvement.Merbabu 04:59, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Please fix and let me know. =Nichalp «Talk»= 19:09, 19 May 2007 (UTC)
Review 2:
Most of it are done, thanks, so here's part 2:[reply]
- For SVG maps, submit a request to Wikipedia:Graphics Lab. They should take care of it on a priority basis.
- I checked again and noticed that images still precede the main link. Images are part of the section body. The body begins after main, so images should come after it, never before.
- Done (Caniago 20:10, 21 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- Regarding the sea neighbours: I think the cut off you mention should be the internationally accepted 200 nautical miles.
- Units are not formated as per the WP:MoS. There should be a non-breaking space between a unit and number. Use the {{convert}} template for automatic simple conversions. -- That's why I referred you to Climate of India. PS This (26 to 30 °Celsius (79 to 86 °F) is incorrectly formatted and the way of mentioning it is: 26 °C to 30 °C (79 °F to 86 °F) -- I've used ALT+160 for the non-breaking space instead of the HTML entity
- Done. Regarding the °C °F issue the range has been replaced by en-dashes, which is the same as the climate article you cite. (Caniago 20:10, 21 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- square kilometers vs sq km -- both are fine; MoS recommends that it is spelled out the first time.
- About the image sizes: MoS says that it should be without a set pixel value. Those with high res monitors find the images too tiny. [[image:abc.jpg|thumb|Caption]]
=Nichalp «Talk»= 17:22, 21 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done with two exceptions; as 'thumbing' pics makes only the horizontal size uniform, the two portrait shape pics in 'History' seem way oversize without setting pixel size. Merbabu 12:45, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done - I've given one on-line reference and one from a book. Merbabu 13:19, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Great! Didn't expect such a fast response. CG 13:58, 20 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
-
- Support - A bit biased as one of the contributors, but the article has gone though many improvements since the last FAC. Worth for FA, that is for sure. Imoeng 07:52, 22 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comments -- spent a little more time to review after prodding by the nominator so here goes:
1. ...was inhabited by 500,000 to two million years ago -- reads odd. And why not 2 million to 500,000 years (reverse)? We always count from the early dates in time to the nearer dates in time.
- Done [42] Merbabu 23:40, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
2. Dutch rule ended with the Japanese occupation during World War II. -- Two problems with this sentence. 1. The sentence is choppy, it does not flow with the preceding and following one. 2. it contradicts the fact that Indonesia gained independence from the Netherlands. So, who ruled Indonesia between 1945 to 49?
- hmmmm - to answer the first part, I can accept if wording can be improved, and I have tried to improve it by expanding it and linking it to the previous sentence (see below). But I must disagree with you on the second part. This is not a 'black and white', 'on/off' peice of history, but we have limited words. Furthermore, rather than simply focus on one sentence in isolation, if we read the whole paragraph that deals with the watershed period of Indonesian history (1942 to 1950), it is factually accurate and not contradictory (section below includes my update and could be reworded for 'prose' but not 'accuracy')...
- For most of the colonial period, Dutch control over these territories was tenuous; only in the early 20th century did Dutch dominance extend to what was to become Indonesia's current boundaries.[20] However, Dutch rule ended with the Japanese invasion and subsequent occupation during World War II.[21] Sukarno, an influential nationalist leader, cooperated with the Japanese in an attempt to bolster the independence movement.[22] On 17 August 1945, two days after the Japanese surrender, Sukarno unilaterally declared Indonesian independence.[23] He was declared the president and Muhammad Hatta the vice-president.[24] A bitter armed and diplomatic struggle against the Netherlands ended in December 1949, when in the face of international pressure, the Dutch formally recognized Indonesian independence.[25]
- Indeed, one paragraph is simply not enough, but that is all we have in a summary country article. perhaps look at the linked Japanese Occupation of Indonesia (end of Dutch rule, dismantling of {European} colonial system and politisation of Indonesia, which together enabled independence movement), and Indonesian National Revolution for the 45-50 period. I completely re-wrote this latter article from a number of sources so I feel reasonably qualifed to (politely!) suggest that saying "it contradicts the fact that Indonesia gained independence from the Netherlands. So, who ruled Indonesia between 1945 to 49? " misses much of the point and over-simplifies history such that it is completely misleading. But, i can always accept if it can be re-worded to improve prose and clarity, but I can't see the accuracy problem. kind regards Merbabu 00:59, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
3. 17 August 1945 -- wikify!!!
- Done [43] Merbabu 23:40, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
4. maneuvered himself into the presidency. -- why the Euphemism? why not mention that he overthrew the incubent Sukarno?
It was not intended as a euphemism, rather that it how the events unfolded over time. But I've changed it to Politically, Suharto capitalized on Sukarno's gravely weakened position; in a drawn-out power play between the two, Suharto maneuvered himself into the presidency by March 1967. Merbabu 23:40, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I've changed it again: I removed 'maneuvered' - although this describes succintly and accurately what happened at the time, it is clearly causing some readibility issues. :) It now reads:
- Politically, Suharto capitalized on Sukarno's gravely weakened position; following a drawn-out power play with Sukarno, Suharto was formally appointed president in March 1968.
- Merbabu 01:40, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
5. However, in 1997 and 1998, -- don't start a paragraph with 'However'
- Done [44] Merbabu 23:40, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
6. soccer --> football (soccer) -- I don't suppose it is called soccer in Indonesia. Liga Indonesia could be mentioned.
- DoneMerbabu 23:40, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
7. Sports seemed to be toned down. Culture of Indonesia has a few indigenous sports that could be added as a sentence.
=Nichalp «Talk»= 16:37, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I've added a bit: [45]:
- The most popular sports in Indonesia are badminton and football; Liga Indonesia is the country's premier football club league. Traditional sports include sepak takraw, and bull racing in Madura. In areas with a history of tribal warfare, mock fighting contests are held, such as, caci in Flores, and pasola in Sumba. Pencak Silat is an Indonesian martial art. Sports in Indonesia are genenerally male-orientated and spectator sports are often associated with illegal gambling.
- Merbabu 00:10, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- As I explained above regarding this specific request, I'm not about to make requested inaccurate changes to history merely for some subjective notion of prose or clarity. Nor do i suggest a re-hash of the Japanese Occupation of Indonesia or Indonesian National Revolution articles - I suggest some degree of brevity - it already has a whole paragraph. We can't put 101 finer points into 100 words. Thus, please identify which part specifically is not clear and I will see what I can do...
- For most of the colonial period, Dutch control over these territories was tenuous; only in the early 20th century did Dutch dominance extend to what was to become Indonesia's current boundaries.[20] However, Dutch rule ended with the Japanese invasion and subsequent occupation during World War II.[21] Sukarno, an influential nationalist leader, cooperated with the Japanese in an attempt to bolster the independence movement.[22] On 17 August 1945, two days after the Japanese surrender, Sukarno unilaterally declared Indonesian independence.[23] He was declared the president and Muhammad Hatta the vice-president.[24] A bitter armed and diplomatic struggle against the Netherlands ended in December 1949, when in the face of international pressure, the Dutch formally recognized Indonesian independence.[25]
- --Merbabu 14:10, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
This is a good summary, but I have a suggested reword:
The Japanese invasion and subsequent occupation in during WWII effectively ended Dutch colonial rule. After the surrender of Japan in 1945, Sukarno, an influential nationalist leader, was made the president, and unilaterally declared independence. A bitter armed and diplomatic struggle against the Netherlands ended in December 1949, when, in the face of mounting international pressure, the Dutch formally recognized Indonesian independence.
Let me know if this fits the bill. It's even shorter that the present text. =Nichalp «Talk»= 14:33, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- ah - brevity is the best. :) Thanks. A great way forward - i will tweak it a tiny tiny bit (Sukarno was appointed president a day or two after his declaration) and I threw in a bit about the Japanese nuturing the indepenence movement (which really deserves a whole article).
- The Japanese invasion and subsequent occupation during WWII effectively ended Dutch colonial rule, and encouraged the Indonesian independence movement. After the surrender of Japan in 1945, Sukarno, an influential nationalist leader, declared independence, and was appointed President. A bitter armed and diplomatic struggle against the Netherlands ended in December 1949, when, in the face of international pressure, the Dutch formally recognized Indonesian independence. Merbabu 14:53, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Seems ok. =Nichalp «Talk»= 16:44, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comment: I've changed the admin division map back to the plain map rather than the map overlayed with province hyperlink labels. The hyperlinked map looks really bad on my system, with different problems depending upon which browser I use. With Firefox the (see screenshot [46]) the labels merge and become incomprehensible. With IE (see screenshot [47]) the map is overwhelmingly large, forcing the text in the section into a very narrow column. Either way, the map looks very strange in the context of the article and the size and layout we have used for the rest of the images. The Indonesia map in the geography section has the standard image size, so why should the map in the admin division be treated differently and emphasized by increasing its size? Also, the labels on the map already duplicate the complete listing of provinces already contained in the text. Are the provinces really so important we need to repeat the information twice in the article and cause presentation problems with the article in some people's web browsers? (Caniago 07:32, 28 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- Comment - I think the problems are being overstated and use of this pic is by no means unsalvagable. You are correct, we do not need a map and the list - thus, scrap the list as it doesn't go anywhere near the useability-at-once-glance. As for your screenshots, the first is not incomprehensible - just a little messy and can be fixed no doubt. The second (firefox) is exactly how I see it and I think it looks outstanding. Yet another reason to use firefox and not IE. Look at Australia, United States, for example. Brilliance. Why does style have to win over 'usefulness'? Merbabu 12:58, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Australia has six states and 2 territories. The map on that article is quite a bit smaller yet its still comprehensible, even on my system. Indonesia has 33 provinces, quite a big difference. Even with the map set at the very large size it was, its still a mess. The eastern half of the USA map has the same problems as the Indonesia one. I doubt it can be fixed without making the font size unreadibly small. What the people adding these maps to articles don't seem to realize is that you can't take the font size of people's web browsers for granted. People with reading difficulties will set their browsers to have a large font size which will also cause problems. One of the advantages of the province list is that we have the capitals also listed, so I wouldn't like to see it go. BTW, the second image you say looks like your system is actually from IE not Firefox. (Caniago 13:35, 28 May 2007 (UTC))[reply]
- I suggest you ask User:Indon, the creator for an svg map with labels. Regards, =Nichalp «Talk»= 15:21, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support =Nichalp «Talk»= 17:00, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support This article is easy to read, highly informative, and very pleasing to the eye. It also does an excellent job of handling the the two great challenges of any article on a country, which are to ballance the treatment of all the different topics (history, politics, culture, economics, geography, natural history) appropriately, and to treat political and historic issues in way that is NPOV but still informative. As far as one of the issues raised in previous comments. I have not seen the version of the pronvincal map with the links to the provinces on it, but I would strongly suggest against removing the list of provinces that is currently in the article. That list is attractive, well organized, and easy to navigate. I have a hard time believing a map with links would be nearly as easy to navigate. I might suggest making the existing provincal map larger rather than thumbnail size so that the provincal names on it were readable without expanding it. That way it would be easier to use the list and the map in conjunction with one another. However, this is not a major point.Rusty Cashman 18:04, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted 02:07, 1 June 2007.
Nom restarted (old nom) Raul654 19:20, 15 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply There used to be one there, but the template was up for deletion so I took it out. Not sure what has happened with the template since then.
- All of the quotation templates, including {{Quote box}} look untouched to me. -- Phoenix2 (talk, review) 21:48, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you. I tried other quote boxes, but I think my preference is still the blockquote. Cricket02 13:36, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply I believe you are referring to this statement: Joseph's musical style is distinguished by a clear focus of melodic construction; and its polyrhythmic, or layered, character.25. I wrote this introductory sentence based on the interview, in that he focuses on the melody first, and that he incorporates many different sounds to provide texture to his music. You're right though, its not quoted verbatim in there. I can take that sentence out if you like. Cricket02 17:10, 16 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- This has been reworded and attributed - LuciferMorgan had the same concern (below). Cricket02 17:37, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from LuciferMorgan
- Comment
Everything from the lead has to be in the body. For example, the fact he was born in 1965 should be mentioned in the body (specifically the "Biography" introduction). Do you have his full birth date, as in the day and month also? This would same basic information to be fair. LuciferMorgan 23:09, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply I very much appreciate you commenting here LM. All your comments make perfect sense and I will be responding to each little by little.
-
- That sucks a bit. LuciferMorgan 19:26, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Citations 26 and 27 can be merged since they're the exact same sources. LuciferMorgan 23:12, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply 26 and 27 (scroll down) are by the same reviewer (Michael Debbage), but are different links. Cricket02 16:44, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Didn't notice. I apologise. LuciferMorgan 19:26, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Joseph came of age as a musician in the Twin Cities' rock scene, heading up many of his own bands.[4]" - This is written as though it's fact, when actually it's an opinion. When a musician "came of age" can be debated - while one notable critic can cite one specific period of a musician's career, another reviewer can cite a very different period and disagree totally. To amend this you would have to state who feels Joseph "came of age" during this period. Eg. you could say "X Magazine's critic Y feels Joseph came of age..." or maybe "Joseph cites his period in the Twin Cities rock scene as the time he came of age as a musician" - basically whichever fits. LuciferMorgan 23:18, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Good point. That statement came from a newspaper article, (ref 4), of which the author is credited in the reference, but the statement is not in quotes within the article nor does he credit Mr. Joseph for saying it, so I can't say for sure if the author coined that phrase himself, or if he got the information directly from the subject. So I've chosen to recast the sentence instead: He then settled down to playing the piano and keyboards, heading up many of his own bands in the Twin Cities' rock scene.[4] - hopefully that's better. Cricket02 16:44, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I think I'd recommend changing it back to "came of age" but at the same time attributing it to the guy who said it. So it'd be "Brainerd Despatch's Terry Mikelson cites his period in the Twin Cities...." LuciferMorgan 19:33, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done.
"It consists of 10 original compositions ranging from upbeat piano to orchestral ballads." - This is another case of a critic's opinion written as though it is fact. Whether a piano composition is "upbeat" or "downbeat" depends on one's tastes as what we feel to be upbeat may differ from person to person. In my opinion the fact it's upbeat has to be attributed to its source in the text - ie. the critic or person who holds the opinion has to be named in the text. LuciferMorgan 23:22, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Agree to take out MusicOutfitters reference on that (below) regarding that it is "upbeat", but I did add reference to the subject's site instead (http://www.bradleyjoseph.com/The_Music.asp) in which he says the album is upbeat as well. Is it okay to use this as a reference? Cricket02 17:15, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- It's from the official website so it can be successfully argued that it is biased for the same reasons I stated regarding the MusicOutfitters reference. LuciferMorgan 19:26, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- (chuckling) Yup, I figured that. I got nothin else then, for that album regarding the "upbeat" part, other than my Original research|...:) I'll rework it.... Cricket02 19:49, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Hard working on obscure artists / bands isn't it? LuciferMorgan 19:52, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Bill Binkelman of Wind and Wire Magazine wrote that One Deep Breath departs dramatically from the previous, more explosive and dynamic music on Joseph's first two recordings, having two separate "personalities": piano and keyboard-based ambient/new age soundscapes and more adult contemporary/classically flavored songs." - I'm assuming this is a quote so can you add quotation marks to where the whole quotation begins? This would make the critic's opinion clearer. For example, until "dramatically", "explosive" and other such adjectives are in quotation marks, this can be deemed original research in my opinion. LuciferMorgan 23:26, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Quotation marks added. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Joseph's music can be heard in regular rotation in the United States and Canada by more than 160 major radio networks, including XM Satellite Radio, Sirius Satellite Radio, as well as in Japan, United Kingdom, Spain, China, South-East Asia, Germany, Switzerland, and Russia." - This is a redundant phrase since this possible fact may not be true in the next few months, few years or whatever. The sentence gives the impression it will remain true eternally, which of course isn't the case since music artists increase and decrease in popularity over time. This needs to be reworked somehow so that this fact remains true, instead of becoming false if Joseph's music becomes unpopular. LuciferMorgan 23:31, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply. This is another example of something I added to help establish musician notability in the beginning phases of the article (discussed with KingboyK in previous nom). I'm thinking it is no longer needed. I am drawing a complete blank on how to rework it so I will go ahead and remove it unless you have a better idea. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"They include Charlie Adams (drums, percussion); Ric Fierabracci (fretless bass); Jeanette Clinger (vocals), and Grammy-winning Charlie Bisharat, whose violin attracts attention in the driving opening song, "Rose Colored Glasses" (sample (help·info)).[13]" - Another case of a critic's opinion written as though it's factual. The critic you state may feel the violin "attracts attention" and the opening song is "driving", though is this a universally held opinion? Is this the opinion of every critic? Of course not. So what's stopping someone finding a differing viewpoint? The fact it's a critic's opinion needs clarifying in that it needs to be stated which critic holds this opinion.
Also, www.musicoutfitters.com sells CDs by Bradley so it could be successfully argued they would write a positive, even misleading review of Joseph's work in order to gain sales. Criterion 1. d. says ""Neutral" means that the article presents views fairly and without bias; see neutral point of view", so the citation is in violation of this criterion. LuciferMorgan 23:43, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Agreed - statement and reference removed. Cricket02 17:15, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The music sample boxes under "Musical style and composition" all have brief descriptions which read like a critical summary. Of course these brief descriptions are opinion, and also need a citation and an attribution - if these brief descriptions are cited and attributed in the body this could be excused. LuciferMorgan 23:53, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Citations are in the body, yes. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The "Music samples" could benefit from being split up as it'd improve the article's layout overall - check "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and Christ Illusion to see what an article looks like when it's music samples are spread throughout the article instead of being crammed together. LuciferMorgan 23:57, 25 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply The 4 samples in the box are discussed in the paragraph adjacent to it. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Still looks aesthetically displeasing though, and would still improve the layout.
- I think I may not quite understand here. Do you mean inline? Or do you want me to split them up throughout the section, or throughout the article as a whole? Because they are basically examples of style of music so I pretty much need them in that section. Cricket02 16:13, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Ok. Firstly, their description needs to be inline cited within the box like "Jihad" does. Secondly, yes they'd benefit from being split throughout the article as a whole which is what I am recommending. I disagree that you need all 4 in that section - maybe one or possibly two, but definitely not four. A great example of this in my opinion is the FA Nick Drake, so feel free to inspect it. LuciferMorgan 16:28, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Inline citations done. My problem is this: I added a "Musical Style" section by WikiProject Composers preferences, to discuss the different styles he incorporates. If I spread the discussion and samples throughout the article, I'd have nothing left for this section, know what I mean? (The obscure artist problem again lol) On the same note, (in response to below), looking at the Nick Drake musical style section, not every sentence regarding his style is specifically attributed in quotes, but do of course have inline cites where the info can be found. Is using inline cites not good enough in this instance? Cricket02 17:37, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Fair enough as regards the boxes, though keep it in mind for future reference. I'd entirely disagree with the style that the Nick Drake article for all the reasons I've stated throughout - that opinions widely differ among critics and that the info is presented as though it is factual. Eg. in Drake it says "However, his lyrics do not invoke the metaphors and imagery typical of such influences.", whereas actually what lyrics invoke differs from person to person and I would argue such a statement needs attribution. I feel my opinion is valid, though if you wish to disagree feel free to do so, but I personally feel that if you attribute all the statements the article will be greatly improved. For example, the first paragraph on the "Musical style and composition" looks much much stronger, and I feel if the rest of the section follows in its footsteps you're well away so to speak. Up to you really. LuciferMorgan 17:58, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I see what you mean, especially in re-reading "Christ Illusion". Okay, will work on better attribution tonight. Cricket02 18:27, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, I think I'm ready for another look (sheepishly ducking). Cricket02 00:08, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Second paragraph in the "Musical Style" section needs to be split in half. LuciferMorgan 00:41, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. Cricket02 15:32, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"More recent releases include For the Love of It and Piano Love Songs, in which Joseph uses piano, orchestra, and soft rhythms to cover popular and enduring melodies such as "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" (Burt Bacharach), and "Fields of Gold" (Sting)." - "Popular and enduring" can be interpreted in many ways, and I'd argue the phrases may be redundant. In using the word "enduring" do you mean that they'll go on forever and still be here in 30 years? In using the word "popular" do you mean they'll eternally be popular in a global sense? And also, how can you measure popularity? By X amount of CD sales? Is there a specified requirement? It can be debated for either argument one wishes to hold I suppose. LuciferMorgan 11:53, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Agreed the phrases are redundant and open to argument. Removed for neutrality. Cricket02 19:05, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Joseph's musical style is distinguished by a clear focus of melodic construction; and its polyrhythmic, or layered, character.[25]" - According to whom? Everyone? Of course not. This is yet more critical opinion written as fact. Please name, attribute and source whoever holds this opinion. LuciferMorgan 11:53, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply - Yes - Dweller had this concern as well (above). I wrote this introductory sentence based on an interview, in that he focuses on the melody first, and that he incorporates many different sounds in his music. Its not quoted verbatim though, basically paraphrased. Maybe "distinguished" is not neutral enough, maybe "...includes a clear focus of..."? Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- If it's an answer that Joseph gave to a question, it should be attributed to Joseph. If it's something the interviewer said, it should be attributed to the interviewer. Whichever way, it needs attribution as this may not (as in the case of all music) be universally agreed upon. Also, the quoted info needs quotation marks. LuciferMorgan 15:09, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Okay, I've reworded and attributed [48] - hopefully that's better? Cricket02 16:13, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Definitely, much improved and good on yourself. The rest of the section needs the same work - I can pick out all the sentences which need attribution but that'd basically be the rest of the "Musical style and composition" section. LuciferMorgan 16:24, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Striking this as this kind of got merged with above comment. Cricket02 00:14, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Many of his recordings offer uptempo orchestral melodies such as in "The Bridge". - What's "many" can be debated, and how can "many" be measured? 75% of his material? Or 90%? "Many" is a little unspecific, so this should be reworked somehow. LuciferMorgan 19:38, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Reworded. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Could you strike out all of the comments of mine that you address? Thanks, as I prefer this method and it helps me understand what progress is being made. LuciferMorgan 19:40, 26 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Sure. Cricket02 02:57, 27 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"More recent releases include For the Love of It and Piano Love Songs, in which Joseph uses piano, orchestra, and soft rhythms to cover melodies such as "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" (Burt Bacharach), and "Fields of Gold" (Sting)." - The word "recent" is a redundant phrase, since "recent" means different things to different people. Furthermore, it won't be recent in a year or two. LuciferMorgan 21:29, 28 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Changed "recent" to "subsequent". Cricket02 00:14, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Joseph is featured on the multi-platinum album and video, Yanni Live at the Acropolis." - Are there any critical reviews of this CD / video which specifically highlight Joseph's contribution to things? If so, it'd be nice if they were added. LuciferMorgan 00:49, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"He later returned as a featured instrumentalist on Yanni's 2003 Ethnicity world tour.[9]" - Any live critical reviews from this tour available which highlighted Joseph's performance and critiqued it? LuciferMorgan 00:51, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"He appeared with her on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno when she performed her new single at the time, "My Cheri".[12]" - Any TV reviews available which critiqued Joseph's performance on the show? LuciferMorgan 00:52, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Brainerd Dispatch's Terry Mikelson cites that Joseph came of age as a musician in the Twin Cities' rock scene, heading up many of his own bands.[4]" - Are the names of any of these bands available, and a brief critical summary (from a critic of course) of the bands' musical style? LuciferMorgan 00:53, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In 1988, Joseph caught the attention of contemporary instrumental artist Yanni via a mutual friend, guitarist Dugan McNeill. When Yanni heard a demo tape of Joseph's compositions and arrangements, Joseph was hired to join his core band, replacing John Tesh.[5]" - What caught Yanni's attention as regards this demo tape? What did he see and admire in this demo tape? Why did he ultimately hire Joseph, and what qualities did he feel Joseph could add to his band? These are questions it'd be great if the article could answer. I'd recommend trawling through all the Yanni interviews you can find and finding where he mentions Joseph for any worthwhile info you can use. I'd also recommend trawling through all the Yanni CD reviews / live reviews, the lot, to see where critics mention Joseph, and see if that info is worth using. LuciferMorgan 01:02, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"In between tours with Yanni, Joseph performed with Sheena Easton for five years as her co-musical director and lead keyboardist. "It was a great transition from Yanni because it made me musically aware again", he said in reference to Easton's R&B style." - How did he get introduced to Easton? Why did Easton choose him particularly as her co-musical director and lead keyboardist? What did she see in his ability? Same as I recommended with Yanni, trawl through all the Easton interviews, CD / live reviews, the lot, and find where Joseph is mentioned in order to glean worthwhile information. LuciferMorgan 01:06, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Group reply All excellent questions, all of which burn in my mind as well. I've done very extensive specific-key-word google searches on all of this in the past. Much of the history of this artist occurred in the early years of internet creation, so info is hard to come by. The 2003 concert tour would be the most recent, and have found some mentions and other critiques, but nothing I can really use as they are not considered to be reliable sources, i.e. blogs, youtube, fan sites, etc. You did get me combing through some of what I already had but didn't realize it, so I've added a few minor things. Cricket02 15:32, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That's a fair response - you're a big fan it sounds like. It'd actually be cool if you could interview him or something - says you can request via his official site - and then upload it to Wikisource or something. Would that class as a reliable source being in Wikisource then? It'd be cool if it did. LuciferMorgan 16:32, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes, that would be cool. I'll look into it. Cricket02 18:50, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"While playing in the jazz band in junior high, he took a concert field trip which left him with no doubt that a career in music was what he wanted." - Such a bold statement needs a citation. LuciferMorgan 16:33, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Done.
Citation 25 is a commercial link. You cannot use it as a source unfortunately for that very reason. LuciferMorgan 18:09, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply - Rats! Didn't even notice since it was archived, just thought it was a review. Okay, can I say this without a reference? His recordings can offer orchestral compositions such as in the songs "Robbins Island" or "The Bridge". Cricket02 18:50, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- I'd recommend finding an alternative source. Doesn't AMG have anything on Joseph? LuciferMorgan 18:52, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- There's my early internet years problem again, his first two albums (1994 and 1997) are his most upbeat and "orchestral" albums, but I got nothing to actually say so, in trying to describe the ways in which his music has varied over the years. Maybe I could email him and see if he has any "paper" reviews I could get copies of. Cricket02 19:12, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- That's definitely a good idea - see if he has scans. I'd definitely look into the Wikisource suggestion though and see if it's possible. LuciferMorgan 19:31, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Duh, I forgot about this one reference, moved it from the top. Is that any better? The ref looks confusing because it is a actually a review of another album, but Rapture is mentioned in it. Cricket02 19:28, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Looks fine - don't worry about the "confusion", as this is something I've also done in articles (quoted from reviews of different albums where the one in question is mentioned). LuciferMorgan 19:31, 29 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Lead needs work. Firstly, you need to cut down the paragraphs from 4 to 2 by merging them. Secondly, you need to avoid repetition since every sentence seems to begin with "Joseph" in the lead - some sentences need rewording in other words. LuciferMorgan 01:36, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Reply Lead overhauled. Kingboyk wasn't happy with the lead beginning with his early touring info, but I think I'm more comfortable with it in chronoglocial order of some sort. Your thoughts? Cricket02 15:03, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Looks alright to me the lead does. LuciferMorgan 23:06, 30 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you LuciferMorgan. You expertise on FA criteria, and time have been very much appreciated here. Cricket02 01:13, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Support Previous issues addressed in the GA review, previous FAC (before restart) and nominator continues to make changes based on users critique, goodjob Cricket :) M3tal H3ad 08:47, 31 May 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.