Talk:James Davis (escaped convict)

This review is transcluded from Talk:James Davis (escaped convict)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: SkywalkerEccleston (talk · contribs) 01:55, 29 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: IntentionallyDense (talk · contribs) 12:14, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Will review this shortly. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:38, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi IntentionallyDense, I have edited the page and left some notes for you. Ready for your further review. SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 12:14, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I will go over your comments in depth tomorrow as I’m currently on mobile and just checking notifications before I go to sleep. Thanks for being patient with the review process and addressing my criticisms! IntentionallyDense (talk) 05:11, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	See comments below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	See comments below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Some issues were found; see comments below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	2c. it contains no original research.	per above. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	See comments below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	Great use of images! IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
	7. Overall assessment.	On hold until nominator can address issues outlined below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• He eventually settled back with the Ginginbarrah people and his adoptive father Pamby-Pamby. He was allotted a flat named Toon about eight miles off the Mary River. I'm not seeing this in ref 12. Could you maybe tell me where on page 65 you are getting this information? IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  "[Davis] was claimed as [Pamby-Pamby's] son by one of the fighting men and has remained with them ever since"

  According to the Australian Geographic source, Davis was living with Pamby-Pamby's tribe at the time of his discovery by Petrie.

  I will change the sentence to "By 1842, he had settled back with the Ginginbarrah people and his adoptive father Pamby-Pamby." SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 03:36, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• ref 16 and ref 17 could be combined unless there is a reason you made the page numbers different. IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Done SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 02:58, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• ref 14 doesn't have a page number. IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Done SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 02:52, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I don't believe YouTube is a reliable source. I do see that the two times it's used as a source there are other sources used, is the youtube source needed? IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  YouTube source removed SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 02:53, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I'm going to have to check with someone but I'm not sure if commons files are considered reliable sources. IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC) Nevermind it's fine. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:16, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
• According to the Australian Dictionary of Biography, Davis was convicted for stealing 2 shillings 6 pence (half a crown) from a church box. I'm not seeing this in the source. IntentionallyDense (talk) 12:52, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  "Convicted two years later for stealing 2s. 6d. from a church box in Surrey, he was sentenced to be transported for seven years"

  2s 6d is half a crown - https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/manuscriptsandspecialcollections/researchguidance/weightsandmeasures/money.aspx SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 02:55, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Thank you for clarifying. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:27, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I feel like the lead could be made into one slightly bigger paragraph as opposed to two very tiny ones. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  I have added to the heading SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 03:30, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• I'm confused as to why you put "James Davis" in quotes. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  I have done this because two "James Davis" arrived in New South Wales in August 1825. This article clarifies the common mistake that the James "Duramboi" Davis was convicted at Surrey. He was actually convicted in Glasgow. Is there a better way to make this clarification? SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 03:01, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Is the information under "Surrey" about the other James Davis? If so then I feel it is a bit off topic to include that. I understand what you are trying to do by including it but it makes it more confusing in my opinion. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:29, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  No worries, I will rewrite this bit. SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 23:57, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  IntentionallyDense I've u SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 00:05, 7 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  My reply cut off. I've updated this section, it's ready for your review SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 00:06, 7 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Looks much better now! IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:44, 7 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

• He grew up in Broomielaw, and at 14 he was apprenticed to his father at the Old Wynd. I think it's worth saying what he was apprenticing for. IntentionallyDense (talk) 18:32, 5 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  Done. SkywalkerEccleston (talk) 02:51, 6 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]