Hello. I'll be doing the GA review for this article. Here are some suggestions for improving the article:
Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be about 2 or 3 full paragraphs summarizing all the main points of the article. It should have more info about his career and less about his awards.
- I've now added a second paragraph about innovations he introduced at N-M. I'm not certain that yet provides enough about his career and why he's famous, but it's an improvement and definitely is expanded later in the article.
- I was just getting ready to help out with this, but I think the paragraph you added helps a lot. I think the lead is good enough now. Nikki311 04:17, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm glad. If you see something that could be added to the lead, please do, as I'm still not content with it.Lawikitejana (talk) 21:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Also, there shouldn't be any new information in the lead (info that isn't located anywhere else in the article), so the quote about the Advertising Hall of Fame needs to be moved elsewhere.
- Can we mark this one off the list now that we've found other GAs and FAs with similar quotes? I could also look for more info on when he was inducted into the AHoF to add to the article proper.
A couple of the web sources in the references need an accessdate. You can just use today's date as the last date they were accessed.
In his memoir, Marcus recalled his parents as affectionate and even-handed in their attention to each of their children. - cite with page number Done.
Do we know what his major was at Harvard? I'm assuming business, since he went to business school, but it could be all sorts of related things: marketing, economics, etc.
- Done. Turns out it was English literature; one has to bear in mind that at first he wasn't sure he wanted to join the business as his father had expected due to concerns about personal liberty and his love of books.
Make sure there are spaces after citations. Ex: 14 and 18
Out of curiosity, since the home is a Texas Historic Landmark, does it have a Wikipedia article? If so, it should be linked.
- No, there is no article. I double-checked just now.
"He encouraged men to wear drooping socks" - explain how this saved rubber Done.
"During his time as leader of the store, he had doubled annual profits and nearly tripled annual sales." - source? Gave up. I can't find this in his book, nor in my 250-page files of online clippings. All I can find is his doubling something in the first year he was there, so I took it out.Lawikitejana (talk) 21:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"a lot of Communist art" - quote needs a source
- It's from source #35, which is cited at the end of the paragraph; do I simply cite it twice?
- I would, because it eliminates confusion, but you don't have to, and I won't fail the article if you don't. Nikki311 18:58, 23 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I put it in, then took it back out because it interrupted the flow of the sentence and the cites just before and after it in the same paragraph were from the same source already.Lawikitejana (talk) 01:30, 24 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The citation needed tag needs to be taken care of. Done. (Hadn't seen that one of those had crept in!)
History of the Jews in Dallas, Texas should be in a See also section above the Notes. Done.
"Neiman Marcus By Frank X. Tolbert 1953" - is this a book? if so, format it using the Template:cite book, including the isbn number. I've done this, but apparently no ISBN exists ... I checked online and also checked two public-library catalogs.
I'm putting the article on hold for one week to allow for improvements. After the time is up, I'll fail or pass the article. Good luck! Nikki311 23:40, 22 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- There's just one sentence left needing a citation (see above). If you can't find one, we can just remove that sentence altogether for now. It can always be added back later if a source is found. Nikki311 04:19, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I took that sentence out, so are we good to go? Lawikitejana (talk) 21:32, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Yes. Great job! I'll pass it right now. Nikki311 21:44, 16 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]