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Two apes are on the ground next to a tree.
The first ape points at the tree and yells "Ooh Ooh!"
The second ape points at the tree and yells "Ah Ah!"
Which ape is correct?
A third ape that was nearby listening ambles up to the tree. The third ape points at the tree and yells "Ah Ah!"
Which ape is correct?
A fourth ape comes to the tree. It holds up a piece of paper and points, then points at the tree and yells "Ooh Ooh!"
Which ape is correct?
A group of ten apes that were nearby listening show up. They all point at the tree and yell "Ah Ah!"
Which ape is correct?
A large fifth ape shows up and sits on the first ape, killing it, then sits on the second ape, killing it.
Which ape is correct?
The fifth ape begins to climb the tree and the tree falls on the fifth ape, killing it.
Which ape is correct?
A man in an ape suit shows up. He shows the apes a shiny rock and calls it a "diamond." The apes are fascinated by the glittery rock. He tells them he found it a mine nearby. The man in the ape suit says he doesn't like the name "diamond" and asks the group of apes what to call the shiny rock.
The apes sit down at a round table and discuss what the diamond should be called. The table only has nine seats and one ape is left out. Saddened, the leftout ape sits down on the ground for a moment but later runs to the diamond mine, retrieves a diamond, and gives it to the man in the ape suit. The man in the ape suit then lets the ape sit at the table, kicking off another ape. The man in the ape suit looks enthusiastically at the diamond-finding ape and asks what are the diamonds to be called. The ape replies, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." The ape that was kicked off the table was biting the diamond-finding ape's neck.
The man in the ape suit says "The first suggestion of what to call the diamonds is Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That's terrific! Any other suggestions?"
One ape yells "Ooh Ooh!" Another ape yells "Ah Ah!" The man in the ape suit says "Okay, let's put it to a vote. Everybody who likes the name Ooh Ooh, raise your hand."
An ape stands on the table and throws feces at the man in the ape suit. Five other apes throw feces at the man in the ape suit. The man in the ape suit says "Remember, this is not a vote. This is a discussion. Besides, I can't even tell you apart. Throwing feces does not count." One ape stands up and yells "Ayaaah Ayaaah!" Another ape stands up and yells "Eeeyeeee eeeyeeee!"
The man in the ape suit says "Please! We are trying to come to a consensus here. Do you know what consensus means?"
One ape stands up and throws feces at the man in the ape suit.
The man in the ape suit holds up the glittery rock and says "Why don't you all go over to that mine over there and decide on the new name there?" The apes leave the table and go to the diamond mine. At the diamond mine, one ape yells "Ooh Ooh!" Another ape yells "Ah Ah!" Another ape yells "Ooh Ooh!" Another ape yells "Ah Ah!" Then two apes start biting each other. They start fighting even more aggressively, and one ape kills the other. Then the ape kills another. Then another.
The man in the ape suit runs over to the diamond mine.
"Have you decided on a name yet?"
He sees one ape covered in blood, with bloody teeth, and three dead apes on the ground.
The man in the ape suit asks the blood-covered ape, "Say, what name do you like?"
The ape yells "Ooh Ooh Ooh Ah Ah Ah! Ooh Ooh Ooh Ah Ah Ah!"
The man in the ape suit then takes the ape over to a spot and says "That's a great name! You picked the new name!" He gives the ape the shiny rock and says "Off into the jungle with you!" And the ape runs off.
The man in the ape suit goes over to the other apes and says "So, have you decided on a name yet?" The apes scratch their heads. Then the man in the ape suit says that every ape that brings him a diamond, gets to suggest a name for that diamond. So the apes begin busily collecting diamonds from the diamond mine and bringing them back to the man in the ape suit.
Which ape is correct?
After a few weeks, the apes kill the man in the ape suit.
Which ape is correct?
A few years later, a white European anthropologist shows up.