User:~riley/u/GA

This review is transcluded from Talk:Marilyn Saviola/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

This article is quite short but I'll take this up. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

I'll just review the entire prose portion in one shot.

• The article is generally free of copyright violations, except for proper nouns. Also, is there a better way to rewrite this: was inducted into the New York State Disability Rights Hall of Fame?

@Epicgenius: What are we trying to achieve rewriting this? Need to know the context to rewrite it well. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

~riley, this would be to reduce copyright violations, since that is word-for-word from the source. It's ok if you can't do so. epicgenius (talk) 02:32, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

Modified. ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• Lead is only one sentence. I'd suggest expanding this to at least two.

Modified two, likely will grow further in future but also trying to paint my house this week . ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• On July 13, 1945, Saviola was born in Manhattan, New York - why link "New York" and not "Manhattan"?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• to Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola - Can this be moved to the next sentence? E.g. " Her parents Peter Saviola and Camilla 'Millie' Saviola, who had no other children"

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• Saviola contracted polio at the age of 10 in August 1955 - this reads awkwardly. What about "in August 1955, aged 10"?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• I know my family never accepted it, totally didn't, and always thought of it as if I prayed enough, and they were good enough, they said enough novenas or whatever, and if I believed enough, I would be cured. - This is almost long enough that it should really be a blockquote instead, per the guidance at MOS:BQ. However, I don't think you need to write out the entirety of the second part of the quote. It detracts from the main point that Saviola's family believed that there was a way to be cured.

@Epicgenius: Might have to walk me through this one... Is this what you meant? ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

~riley, I suggested that you can possibly shorten the quote. Yes, that's what I meant. epicgenius (talk) 02:31, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

Gotcha, was mainly concerned about the comment about detracting from the main point and if the modification had addressed that. ~riley (talk) 03:37, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• at LIU, when they were both students - Do you mean "when", or "where"?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• The first paragraph of the career section:
  • Too many sentences begin with the word "she". Could you mix it up a little by actually mentioning her name?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• • The first two sentences also sounds somewhat like a timeline of her jobs. Do you have any other details of her roles?
• In 2015, she received the Henry Viscardi Achievement Award for her lifetime of work in disability rights - this should probably go with the mention of the 2017 award.

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• Her fellow speakers included Sandra Schnur, Maria Nardone, and Frieda Zames - who are they?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• She was honored in 2019 at the opening of a new radiology unit in the Bronx, - How was she honored? Also, do you know where in the Bronx (was it a hospital or private practice)?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• The personal life section is basically just her death. No kids, no partner?

Added info on partner, extremely limited. No mention of kids. ~riley (talk) 07:47, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• An oral history with Saviola - of her life?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• Where's the Bancroft Library?

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

I don't see any POV issues, seeing as this is such a short article. It may be more focused toward her occupation, though. epicgenius (talk) 05:02, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

• Ref 11 is publicly accessible, and doesn't need to use ProQuest. See https://www.nytimes.com/1997/04/29/nyregion/woman-sees-advances-for-the-disabled-imperiled-by-budget-cuts.html

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

• Independence Care System, NYC Health + Hospitals, etc. should be formatted as publishers, not as websites. Website formatting would result in an output of italics.

Addressed. ~riley (talk) 02:22, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

The one image used in this article has a good non-free rationale, given that the subject of the article is deceased. epicgenius (talk) 04:45, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

Just these few comments and we should be set for a green plus sign.

Also pinging Penny Richards, who (while not the nominator) seems to be a significant contributor. epicgenius (talk) 05:05, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

I will be starting on this tomorrow. Thanks for the work so far @Epicgenius:. ~riley (talk) 20:03, 4 January 2020 (UTC)

~riley, no problem, take your time. epicgenius (talk) 00:21, 5 January 2020 (UTC)

• @Epicgenius:, are we all set here? ~riley (talk) 08:03, 6 January 2020 (UTC)
  • I just had a second look at the article. I don't see any more issues, so will be passing this shortly. epicgenius (talk) 15:54, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

This review is transcluded from Talk:Lucinda L. Combs/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 18:24, 18 April 2020 (UTC)

Nice article, sorry it had to wait so long. I will post my comments soon. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 18:24, 18 April 2020 (UTC)

Okay here are my comments. Well-written and broad in coverage. No dablinks, broken external links or copyvio concerns. Just a duplink JiuJiang in Personal life. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 17:27, 20 April 2020 (UTC)

• Refer to her as either Lucinda or Combs consistently throughout the article (Except in lead where you take her full name). Similarly say King or Leonora King. Y
• Combs parents died leaving her orphaned at a young age Is it known when?
• You may link 'theological' Y
• perform her domestic and academic responsibilities while attending medical school I would just say 'domestic responsibilities' as medical school refers to her academic responsibilities Y
• She drew the attention of the Methodist women in Philadelphia who helped her continue her studies What was the outcome of that?
• Previously inhabited by multiple households, it is unclear whether the residents evacuated on their own volition or if they were pressured off the land by the WFMS. Needs an inline citation Y
• Soon after their marriage, the couple moved to the southern part of China to a place known as JiuJiang. Earlier you refer to the place as Kiukiang. This needs consistency. Y
• The 'Personal life' heading looks a bit unsuitable to me as Early life should also be part of it in some ways. I think it would be better to merge Personal life and Death under a new heading 'Later life and death'. Y
• "A bright day at the Peking Hospital", "The Peking Hospital", and "A morning's visit at the Peking Hospital" These should be in title case and probably italics. Y

• Hi Sainsf! I know that ~riley is not easily able to get to Wikipedia, so I wanted to help out since one of my students worked on this. I'll put check marks by the (applicable) things that I've worked on. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:21, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• I'm not seeing anything about her parents' death date. It looks like much of her early life is lost to the passages of time, so unless ~riley can find something I would have to assume that it's not easily discovered or available. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:27, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• I've removed the sentence "Previously inhabited by multiple households, it is unclear whether the residents evacuated on their own volition or if they were pressured off the land by the WFMS.", as it's not in the prior source. It can be re-added if a source is found. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:32, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for your assistance, Shalor. ~riley's absence wouldn't be an issue in promoting this article, we just need to agree on the few remaining points. If you are fine with those two suggestions I will be happy to go ahead and do the changes myself in case you are unable to. Let me know soon, cheers :) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 04:35, 22 April 2020 (UTC)

• No worries, Sainsf! I wanted to track down something with one of the titles in it to see how the works were published - if they were published with only the first letter and location names capitalized, then I'd want to preserve the prior version of the titles. It ends up that the title of the works were in all capitals, so I went ahead and capitalized them. It looks like these were articles in a newspaper called The Heathen Woman's Friend, so I don't think they should be italicized. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:49, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
• I've fixed the personal life one - I'm not sure about the note about the women helping her, as I can't really locate a source for that straight away. I'm going to ping the instructor for the class (@Breamk:) in case he may know of one, plus so he can see the progress on the nomination. I think that takes care of everything? Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:53, 22 April 2020 (UTC)

Great job Shalor :) The article is now ready for promotion. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:09, 22 April 2020 (UTC)