User talk:Zeke Essiestudy

Hi, I can't do this anymore. I'm going to just say it, I'm locked user Ezekiel53746, as well as the tower of accounts listed here* and here, as well as any similarly-named accounts on websites like Commons (Bulbasaur1928 ) and MediaWiki (Sunny chan 465), I can't really list them all off-hand (especially ones from 2013) but let's just say it was way too many. I'm very sorry for all of the disruption I've caused to this community and hub. I really am. And for wasting everyone's time. My apologies especially go to Strange Passerby, Only, Courcelles, Mike lifeguard, Versageek, DoRD, Fisher Queen, and Mentifisto for having to deal with my blind actions over and over and over again, to the point of it being repulsive.

At this point, I expect an immediate block and nothing else to be read but I want to explain myself a bit for anyone that's wondering... why? Why did I disrupt Wikipedia?

I've always been an unusual and different person from most of you, in fact I'm pretty sure I'm a right-brain dominant person. Impulsiveness, being spontaneous, subjective statements, what have you. The reason why I did what I did during these years was because I found how angry people got funny and I simply couldn't process that any of my actions were "wrong", which is why many of my unblock requests were "please unblock me" or "I'm not doing disruptive editing". I was a hyper child that wasn't compatible with Wikipedia's goals. This is also why I defended shoddy versions of the user warning templates, if I recall correctly back then it felt like an attack on my creativity and I didn't know how flawed they were. No matter what I did I just got denied all over the place. I felt kind of depressed and angry. Kind of like how a kid would feel if they weren't allowed in a certain club. And thus this fueled more attempts to disrupt Wikipedia that went nowhere, even breaking my promise to Strange Passerby.

It was only in 2014 I got a consicence and really thought "what is the point of any of this disruption? doesn't it just amount to the same old crap anyway?". I really meant the words on the linked IP talk page. Nonetheless, it was obvious Ezekiel53746 would never be unblocked or unlocked anyway, so I instead created another account... this one. And therefore violating the sock puppet policy again. I'm honestly surprised not a single person has suspected me being connected to Ezekiel53746. The like of nuvolas icons, user warnings, messing around in the sandbox, interest in backstage areas... It's all the same as always. Even "Zeke" should be a dead giveaway. Perhaps it's because unlike back then, I have actually improved. I made this account because I wanted to try to help the people here. Prove I can do things without being disruptive.

Why am I even posting this? I'm ahead of the game, not a single person suspects me, I can keep this up, so why confess? Mostly because of guilt. Not just here, but on several places that I've attempted to abandon my past on. Lying to myself just isn't good. I feel bad because I've never actually addressed the block, never got actually let back in my the community. I just started anew and hid who I really was, just as I did the past 50 accounts. I'm confirming being the owner of these accounts (see: User talk:Sunny Chan 564) but at the same time... I honestly can't believe I was them. I can't believe I once used to be this sorry sack of a child. Regardless, it's the truth that I kept running away from and I never tried to make it right. That's the way it is. I don't know if I'm ever going to learn, it probably would've been better if I never discovered the edit feature at all.

But hey... I hit three years without causing any time-consuming trouble. That's the longest any active account of mine has ever gone without a block and for that time period I think I did just fine. So in a way, I did achieve the goal I mentioned above. Heh. Lately I've been reverting vandalism and fixing small problems on articles just because but I think I've hit the limit of what I can really do here. For what I'd really want to edit (let's say things like Super Monkey Ball levels or Danganronpa V3 characters), I don't think Wikipedia will allow that, and Wikia sites are more appropriate for that, so if this account is blocked I'll just migrate there. Either way, hopefully my edits improved something, whether it be a small template or a notable article.

Once again, sorry for all the trouble and hopefully I can actually redeem myself in the future instead of hiding behind yet another account. Zeke Essiestudy (talk/contributions) 01:23, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Given my past disruptive history contrasting my current, more reasonable history, what do you think is the right way for me to continue? Zeke Essiestudy (talk/contributions) 02:15, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Since you are community banned, your ban can only be overturned by consensus at WP:AN. I would recommend you copy your full confession there, as it is quite well written (and obviously heartfelt). It is also imperative that you not edit Wikipedia any further until that discussion reaches a consensus. Thank you for this heartfelt apology, and I wish you the best of luck. Bradv 03:08, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the reply. But, I should clarify I do not actually have a community ban: I meant "banned" as in de facto. None of my accounts have an official community ban, the "proposal" I linked to for the first list failed because people saw though that account, and the account they were linked to that does have a ban, I have no affiliation with. Pickbothmanlol being attached to my accounts always confused me because it is not a username I would think of (see first account list up to "Petunia the skunk") and even Versageek said my IPs differ from his in geolocation. But, I do have 50 accounts with effective blocks that I admit to, which is a valid problem. I'll take it over to the Admins' Noticeboard. Zeke Essiestudy (talk/contributions) 03:14, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Apparently the advice I gave you was incorrect. You need to appeal the ban from your main account per the standard offer. If you no longer have access to that account, you can email UTRS. Sorry for the confusion. Bradv 04:19, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
UTRS won't work as the main account is global locked, and UTRS does not consider appeals from globally locked accounts. en.wiki generally only accepts appeals from the named master/original account. This means in order to appeal your block on the English Wikipedia, you need to appeal your global lock to the stewards on meta and then if that is granted, appeal from your primary account. TonyBallioni (talk) 04:25, 2 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]
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