Would like to obtain editors' comments on how to improve this article. --Pinkkeith 20:05, 4 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Maybe have a look at WP:LEAD, as the lead section is a bit long right now. The information in it looks relevent enough, but some of it could definitely be moved down into the body of the article.
- It's a unique nickname. There should be a mention of its origin (Chris Berman). If I were a reader coming in out of the blue, not already familiar with the topic, I'd have no idea how that name even makes any sense.
- The whole of the article seems to be the results of the offense and then individual player profiles of some of its stars. But, for an article that is ostensibly about that offense, there's not much about the offense itself. The opening tells us it was based upon Air Coryell (an offense I wouldn't exactly describe as "traditional", by the way), but that's pretty much it. What is the background of the Coryell offense that's the basis? What changes were made to that? How was it different not only from Coryell's, but from the other NFL offenses in use between 1999 and 2001? What were the offenses schemes and designs?
- For the individual players, I'd use the main article template, rather than the details template.
Mwelch 23:54, 8 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I've listed this article for peer review because…
I think that on the whole this article is could be a GA. I would like to see others point out any errors or ways to improve the article so that it could become a GA.
Thanks,
Pinkkeith (talk) 18:05, 3 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I do notice some things that need to be added (references being one), but would like to know what other information should be correct, added or deleted. Thanks for your opinons/suggestions in advance.
Pinkkeith (talk) 19:55, 3 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Would like to get input how to make this article better. I know there are some things that need to be done, but would like input from others. --Pinkkeith 17:41, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I made a few minor changes, but the article needs an image that is compatible with the WP image licenses (shouldn't be too hard to find) and should also make use of {{citeweb}} for its sources.
Beyond that, the article is too enthusiastic and unencyclopedic at points. Statements like his height and weight make him "well-suited for the tackle position" and "perhaps his greatest asset is his athleticism - Pace's quickness of reflexes and speed are unmatched among NFL offensive linemen" and "Memorably, in a 2002 game against the Washington Redskins, on an interception return, Pace managed to run down cornerback Champ Bailey..." and "In addition, he laid out Ray Lewis and Peter Boulware on a massive block that sprung Marshall Faulk for a touchdown in 2003" are editorializing at best and POV at worst. --Flex (talk|contribs) 19:46, 5 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because there is one person whom beleives that this article doesn't need any improvement. I would like to hear what others think about this article and how it can be improved upon. --Pinkkeith (talk) 14:57, 17 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- I think it is unfair to say I don't want "any" improvements. I just didn't want large sections deleted. In the end, that's what has occured anyway, so it seems my opinion counts for nothing.72.0.36.36 (talk) 06:40, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from « Milk's Favorite Cøøkie
- Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -
between a number and the unit of measurement.
- If your aiming for a GA, the lead needs to be expanded to meet WP:LEAD.
- Add
{{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.
- There are a couple of "dead link" tags for non-existing external links. Provide alternate references.
- Both the 2005 and 2006 sections need to be expanded and referenced.
- That's all for now. « Milk's Favorite Cøøkie 16:58, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with all of Milk's Favorite Cookie's comments. Here are some further suggestions for improvement (read it last night):
- Nothing should be just in the lead - so his father being Howie Long should also be in the body of the article.
- What is his mother's name?
- I would move the "Personal" section on his brothers into the "Early life" section. I would also name his other brother.
- Some of the sentences are so poorly written that it is almost impossible to tell what is meant. Two examples:
- As a senior in 2003 he was in on 91 tackles, 23 tackles for a loss, and 15 sacks helping his team to an undefeated record and the state championship. Do the 23 tackles for a loss count as part of the 91 tackles?
- The selection made him just the second son of a Hall of Famer, after Kellen Winslow II, to be drafted in the first round, the fifth such player ever drafted, and one of two such players drafted in 2008 (the other being Matthew Slater).[14] I have no idea what the fifth such player ever drafted means here - the fifth son of a Hall of Famer perhaps? Also two such players - what kind?
- 2005 and 2006 have zero refs. Any reason the college carrer couldn't be one section 2004 - 2006 and then a second section on his senior year?
- Very listy stuff in "Pre-2008 NFL Draft" section - put it into prose and provide context for the reader. Are these numbers better than average or worse? What is "Campus pro day" (at least there is a link for "NFL combine")? See WP:PCR
- Avoid one or two sentence paragraphs and sections. Expand or combine.
- All internet refs need title, URL, publisher, date accessed (and author, date, etc. if known)
Article needs a lot of work to get to GA. By the way PR is not for dispute resolution either. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 21:25, 19 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]